Insecure

04

June 30, 2015

Dear Diary,

I'm starting to think I shouldn't just blame my mom for putting me through hell. I should blame my scumbag dad too.

He was never there for me and Lamar when we needed him but as soon as he wants something, we're supposed to be there.

Maybe, just maybe a few years earlier and we would want to see him but now we are almost grown. He's as much as dead to us.

Sarah-Jane Hines

"Do you want to go to the Baseball game" My mom asks and I think for a second before agreeing.

It beats having to be by myself all day. "Yeah." I say and start looking through my clothes. It wasn't too hot and we aren't going anywhere special so something casual.

I slipped on my clothes and made sure I had my charger and headphones. I put on a little bit of lip gloss and then help my mom get the girls ready. Once everyone was done we headed out to the car and then drove away to the baseball field.

When we got there I regretted it. My old crush Donald was there. It was weird because he knew that I liked him and he was short. I was a bit tall for my age. Anyway, I've only liked one other short guy and he was flirty...too flirty but cool sometimes.

The players were so adorable until they started throwing their bats because they didn't get it. It was funny and scary not knowing if it would fly over the fence and hit you. Halfway through the game, I had to use the bathroom but I didn't feel like getting up so I just sat there.

Cheers were loud as "our" team won. We were packing up to go and Grace says to Donald, "Sarah likes you". Everyone starts laughing while I'm just shaking my head in silence.

Donald looks at me and smiles, I nod at him and make my way to the car. I guess we've been pretty cool even though he still kinda makes me nervous.

Instead of going back to home, we go to the store. "Can you hurry up, I have to use the bathroom" I say to my mom. "Go to the bathroom" She says and I groan. She starts walking fast remembering my dislike for public toilets. It's not even the toilet it's the whole bathroom, how can anyone actually use one.

I mean like, yes you have to go but they're just disgusting. I hate germs, I won't even drink after my family but that's understandable I'm not around them 24/7 so I don't know what they do.

She finally finishes and I rush to the car. She didn't rush to the house but we got there in time, with time to spare.

My mom's phone rings so I pick it up. "hello" I say. "Where's mom" Lamar asks. "Why" I ask. "i need her to come pick us up" he says.

"We? All of them are coming back" I ask. "Yes" He says and I groan. "I don't like them" I say and hang up. I do but it's gets annoying not having any privacy. "Mom! Lamar wants you to pick up the gang" i yell and go into my room.

"You're gonna have to watch them" She says. One of them is sleep so this shouldn't be too bad. "Be quiet, watch TV and don't wake up your sister" I say to Grace and she ignores me, her eyes glued to the TV. I go to the kitchen and find my donuts. I take one and go back in the room with Grace.

The house got filled with the loud laughs of boys. I groaned as Faythe began to wiggle. At least I won't be the one dealing with her. As I was getting up my mom came into the room, I walked out and went to my room ignoring the stares of my brother's friends. I shut the door but turn around to make sure I wasn't crazy. Ross and Wagner were looking at me.

I got on my phone posted to twitter, "Baseball game had lots of distractions". It really did besides Donald. Notifications come in about people favoriting it. I look at instagram and started to get sleepy.

This generation is crazy, the things I've seen can not be unseen. My life had a clean slate until I became a Larry Stylinson shipper.

July 1, 2015

"It's July! July! July!" I sing happily. "What's wrong with you today" My mom asks. "4th of July is in a few days" I sing again. "And then we'll be moving" Lamar says with an attitude.

"It's for the better" My mom says. "How is it for the better, I'm leaving my friends behind" Lamar says.

"You can make new ones or just befriend your old ones" my mom says.( Just to get you from being confused, they're moving back to where they are originally from)

"If they even remember you" I say. "It's been a year, not even that, they'll remember you" My mom says. And if they don't.

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I know this is probably confusing but this is before she moves to New Jersey. It goes back and forth. When she meets Cody is when things start to begin again.

-Zoe