ASLEEP YET AWAKE

stop the time

I was woken up the next morning by the bright rays of sun falling on my face. I had slept the whole night on the carpet leaning over the edge of the bed. My back hurt a bit. It took me a moment to figure out why i was in this position. Then it came back to me and with it came the memories of the dream i had last night. It started with us walking in a garden.Ray and me were together , holding hands. We were smiling. More i could not remember. But i did know that it was a happy dream. I sighed. Why cant life be like this dream. Dreams were certainly better than real life currently. Why cant i just stay in my dreams. Atleast i would be happy..

I stood up. Turning my cell phone on. I called mia asking her to meet me at my home. I did not actually feel like going anywhere. It was one of those days when i am not too good on my nerves. I could cry at the drop of a hat. In such days i used to have an arm around me - ray's. Always there too cheer me up. But now things were going to be different. I had to learn to live without him. This thought again caused a dull ache in my heart. Things will never be perfect again.

In three days he will be gone across the oceans. I will never see him, touch him, feel his embrace. I will miss him so much. I doubt i will be myself again after he will be gone.

I stretched myself making my way to the kitchen. I made myself a cup of coffee. The smell reminding me of the old winter night when he spilled his coffee allover laughing like a mad man. We were having a movie night . I refused to kiss him and he was running after me trying to get me kiss him. I threw a pillow at him but he caught it in mid air. I ducked behind the table. I rose again to attempt throwing something else and found him aiming the same pillow at me. I ducked again but the pillow hit the coffee mug sending it crashing down. The coffee spilled all over. I rose at the sound of the crash and as soon as i got up he hit me with another pillow. Being happy about his victory he began laughing loudly. I chased him through the entire house. The night ended with some breathless kises followed by a heated makeout session.

My lips curved into a smile as the memory floated through my mind. At the same time the realization that these memories were all i have left with me too cherish crushed my heart. I felt suffocated under the pressure of my own emotions. The dull ache returning again.

The door bell rang. It must be mia. She had a tendency to come at the most unappropriate moments like this. I resigned from my thoughts and opened the door. As soon as i opened the door the smell of her expensive perfume entered my nostrils. I complimented her on the choice and led her to my room.

Once we were in my room she put down her bag and removed her shades exclaiming at once, "oh my ! You look like shit. "

I rolled my eyes at the comment.
"That's extremly sweet of you best friend"

"Well am sorry. What is it ? Did you guys again had one of your crazy arguments ?"

I clenched my fist at the mention of him. "He is leaving.."

"Who? Ray ? Leaving ? You are pressurising my little brain" she pouted at me

I looked down. "Yeah. Mia he is leaving the country infact not country he is leaving the continent."

"Whoa...no more suspense girl. Spill"

"He said his dad is shifting business. He is leaving. We wont be together. He will be gone soon. This is the reason why i look like shit." I released eveything in one go. Damn! Its totally like me too babble.

Her face was blank. Then her expression changed slowly as my words sunk in.
" when did all this happen? When is he leaving ?"

"Yesterday we met to discuss this. He told me in the cafe. He will be going in like 3 days."

She stood up and hugged me. "Lara be brave. Everything will be fine. I feel so bad. I dont know what to say. Whatever happens happens for a reason. Dont let it take over you"

I again felt the same rush of emotions. Her arms were comforting. They provided me the relief that i was searching for. She was the only one i could confine in after ray. With ray across the oceans she will be my only confidant. I hugged her tight burying myself in her. As much as i wanted to cry tears would just not come. I wanted to cry. Atleast it would wash some of my pain but i was devoid of tears at the time.

.....

After mia left. I took a shower. Shower had a good effect. I opened my mail surfing through random messages. It was going to be a tough night. I did some calculus absent mindedly. Everything i did, everything i saw strangely seem to remind me of him or rather us. After 14 months it was almost unbearable to stay away from him. I could not call him. His absence was creating a void and that emptiness was slowly consuming me. I shut my laptop and lay on the bed analysing the fan on the ceiling.

My phone vibrated and i grabbed it. A more than familiar name announced a text message. His name was shining in neon across the screen of my phone. My heart skipped a beat and i opened the text with trembling fingers hoping for some miracle to happen. Secretly wishing that the text would tell me that he will go no where. He will stay with me and all of it was a bad joke. But somehow i knew it is going to be the last message i will ever recieve from him.