ASLEEP YET AWAKE

my prince charming

Mia dropped me home in her car.

"Trust me things will be okay again". She had said .

"I hope they will".

I hope time will heal everything. His words echoed in my mind.

She gave me a hug and drove off.

I walked to my room and sat on my bed. Memories of today swirling in my mind. Finally ray was gone. Gone away from me. How would i deal with this void ?

I did not want to think about this just yet. All the crying at the airport had taken a toll on me and i also had a slight headache.

I grabbed a change of clothes and went to the bathroom perhaps a cool shower would help me clear my mind.

I entered the bathroom and stood in front of the large mirror inserted in my bathroom.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and slowly walked towards it. I placed a hand on the  face of the girl in the mirror.
She looked sad. It took me a moment to realize that this girl in front of me was actually me.

Slowly I walked a few steps back and began stripping in front of the mirror. I don't remember ever feeling this much pain. It was like every breath I took intensified the amount of pain.

I traced my collarbone and then my neck. He used to kiss me here. Planting soft kisses upto my jaw. I traced my jaw , then my earlobe. Closing my eyes as the gentle touch of my fingertips evoked memories and sensations.

Still closing my eyes I let my hands roam free on my body. My own eyes appear alien to me. Looking at my own reflection evoked memories which I knew are difficult to forget. My hands, he used to hold. My eyes, he used to gaze in. My face, he used to stare at. How will I live with these memories sorrounding me? I extended my arm, carefully examining it. I brought my fingers to my eyes and inspected them. He used to hold them so gently. I felt a sudden desire for him to be here and take away the pain that he has unknowingly inflicted upon me. I can't live with this pain. It would be better to end my sufferings. It would be better to stop my pumping heart.

It would be better to stop my pumping heart.

It would be better to stop my pumping heart.

Suddenly I broke out of my trance and my eyes flew open. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt terrified. I felt scared of my own actions. I was shocked, horrified of what I have been doing and what I was about to do. I began trembling and took a few quick paces back. I grabbed a mug full of water and threw it on the mirror drowning my own reflection. Water trickled down the mirror and the mirror became foggy.

As if afraid of what i would do next i rushed under the shower and turned the faucet. Cool water covered me from head to toe. Icy cold water falling on my back like needles pricking my skin. I was shivering not just from the cold water but from the intensity of emotions that my actions evoked.

When my mind cleared a bit tears swarmed my eyes and in there under the cold water i cried. Slowly my soft cries turned to heart wrenching sobs. At that moment I felt so helpless. So lonely like I had nothing , no one.

I gripped the walls for support. The walls were wet. Water droplets trickling down the tiles as if racing each other to the bottom. I traced the path of a water droplet and then looked at another water droplet which could not slide as far as the other one. That droplet now stood alone on the tile while the other one was far below it. Those two droplets reminded me of my condition. This droplet in the middle was me who tried to reach its partner but could not do so and the other drop was ray who was now gone very far away  that it was impossible to return.

I slid down the wall and brought my knees upto my chest resting my face in my hands. I thought about all those moments we had spent together morning wishes to late night strolls. This thought brought a smile to my face.

I sat there in silence except for the sound of water for a long time reminiscing about those days.

After a long time i stood up and grabbed a towel wrapping myself. On my way towards the door I again stood in front of the mirror and cleared the fog on its surface with a swipe of my hand.

My fingers were wrinkled from staying so long in water but I felt good. I stared at my own reflection in the mirror for some time but this time my mind was blank. I had only one thought in my mind that I had to sleep because in my dreams ray was waiting for me.

I pulled on a fresh pair of undergarments and put on my pyjamas. I climbed under the covers wrapping myself in the warmness of my cozy blankets.
As I lay there in bed I felt myself drifting to sleep and slowly sleep consumed me.

I was sitting on the bench in the park. The wind was cold and i felt shivery. I turned to see ray sitting just next to me. I smiled.

"I have been looking at you for a long while" he said as he reached forward to place his arm around my shoulders.

"I was missing you so much" I replied feeling happy near him. I gently placed my haed on his chest.

"I am right here beside you baby". He whispered in my ear.

I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. I raised my hand tracing my neck the same way i did earlier in the bathroom. "Can you kiss me here like you always do".

His eyes shone with mischief and then he bent his head kissing my neck lovingly. Planting soft kisses up to my jaw.

"I thought you would never do that again" I told him sadly.

"You know I love you". With this he again bent low and planted a kiss on my ear lobe.

"You will not leave me ever. Will you ?". I asked him.

"Not untill you want me too".

"I dont want you to go. Stay with me. If not in real life atleast in my world of dreams". I begged.

"I am always here my love". He pointed his finger to my chest just like he did at the airport.

I placed my hand on the left side of my chest and felt my heartbeat.

The fact that my heart was beating made me happy as if its beating was a proof that he resided inside it.

I lifted my head and looked in his eyes and then taking his hand and placing it on my heart I Said, "yes you are in here".