ASLEEP YET AWAKE

mommy dear, I am not crazy

I woke up in the morning with a soft smile playing on my lips. The last night meeting with Ray and Mia had been lovely. I felt happy. But the rest of the day was again going to be one heck of a torture since I had an appointment with jenny. I turned to my side and my gaze fell on the framed photograph of me and dad. It was a very old photograph. I was barely eight at that time. I remember the day fairly well. We had gone to the beach for the weekend and stayed in the little cottage just off the shore. The cottage was beautiful and so was the sea. We looked so happy in the photograph. I sat on the sand making my sand castle while dad was decorating it with small pebbles and stones.

It looked like a beautiful paralysed moment. I wondered how things had change in the last few years. That day was now just a fond memory that was carved in my mind. The most beautiful memories are those which can make you smile and cry at the same time and I felt myself on the verge of tears.

I could feel the separation being created even before dad left us. Mom was growing angry and impatient while dad was becoming distant. The day when I finally told us that he was leaving was a disaster. I never thought that he would leave us forever. In the years that followed he tried to reach me but the bitterness between him and mom never permitted him to meet me. For me my dad was my hero and I was my dad's little girl. I never hated him despite the bitterness between him and mom. Even though I had little sense at that time but I understood that mom and dad did not part on a happy note so I played my part and never brought up his topic in front of mom.

She was devastated but never displayed it to me. It was then that she began working full day. For her working endlessly was the only way to drown her sorrow. We began seeing less of each other but I knew whatever she was doing, she was doing it for me. Even though dad was my hero I still loved my mom very much so I obeyed by her decision of staying away from dad.

I was not in contact with him. The last I heard of him was that he was living in some other country. As I grew up the memories, like dad, too grew distant and now I could just feel them.

A soft knock at the door interrupted my train of thoughts.

"You awake sweetie?" I heard mom's voice as she opened the door a little.

"Yes mom". I replied without bothering to turn towards her.

"Good. I wanted to see you before I leave". She told me as she entered my room and settled herself on my bed.

I sat up on the bed and ran a hand in my tangled hair.

"How was it with the psychiatrist?" She asked me curiously.

"It was fine. Her name is Jenny and I have an appointment today as well". I told her.

"Oh. Did she.. um.. told you that you had any problem or something?" She asked a bit embarrased.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Mom I am perfectly normal". I declared.

"I know, I know. I didn't mean that" she tried.

"She said that it must be hypersomnia because I have been sleeping a lot. Nothing much to worry about". I told her.

She sighed with relief. "I knew it was nothing worse".

"Mom...". I was getting irritated.

"Yeah". She came forward and planted a kiss on my forehead. My anger immideately vanished.
"I am getting late for work. Take care honey". She told me and stood up.

"Yeah..". I could not say anything mainly because she did not wait for my reply. She instantly went out of the door and down the stairs.

I looked at the wall clock. I still had time before going to the psychiatrist. I decided to make myself some breakfast.

I left the bed and slipped my feets into my slippers. I stretched my body a bit and tied my hair in a top bun. I opened the door of my room and climbed down the stairs to the kitchen.

There was nothing much in the fridge. I took out some eggs and cracked them on the pan. Omelette probably was the easiest thing to make for a quick breakfast. Next I grabbed the orange juice and poured myself a gas. Instead of coffee I preferred juice more. I picked up my breakfast and went to the dining table. I knew how to make an omelette before any of my friends knew how to make it. It was because of the reason that I spent a lot of my time on my own while mom and dad were away.

I silently ate my self prepared breakfast. After drinking my juice I took the dishes to the sink and did the dishes. It took me about twenty minutes. Then I walked back to the room. It was time to shower before I leave.

I opened my wardrobe and scanned through the items. My clothes were loose on me since I had grown thin in the last few weeks.

After staring at the clothes for minutes I finally pulled out a summer dress which I was sure would fit on me since it was a free size dress.

I went into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. I scanned my face in the reflection. The dark circles were still brown and purple. Only if the dark circles would go I would look less of a zombie. I sighed. Maybe if I would sleep less the dark circles would go. But I could not afford to do that. I could not afford to loose them twice.

I withdrew from the mirror and took a quick shower. The cool water provided the much needed relief.

I pulled on the summer dress and just like I thought it did not look bad on me. I plucked the hair dryer and switched it on. Hot air blasted from it and blew my hair.  After my hair were no more wet. I combed through them and left them untied. I was ready to leave. I bent down and picked up my sunglasses. I would need them untill I manage to find a way to make these dark circles disappear. I put them on and looked at my own reflection. I looked okay and not bad.

For once in my life I thought thankgod I have sunglasses.

I turned away from the mirror and grabbed my bag and cell phone. I walked out of the door and shut it behind me.

It was yet another day that I had to deal with all alone.