ASLEEP YET AWAKE

brighter than the the stars

It was the first time that I had dreamt of someone other than Ray. After Ray left me I had constantly dreamt of him. I often saw happy dreams where we were together like we should actually be. The dream I saw last night was not of Ray but of Mia. I had been delighted to see her. She felt real and well. She was there in front of me.

I woke up late at night. It was 10pm. mom came home usually at this time. I lay in bed pondering over my meeting with mia. I felt strangely happy and energetic. I felt like everything was fine again.

Mia and Ray motivated me to move on with life. They supported me in this lonely world where I felt alone and devastated. The two people I loved the most left me in this big world to fend for my own. But I knew they loved me as I loved them. They left me only to lead me through my dreams. They did not leave me alone but became a part of me.

Light is the source of being. Light brings everything to life. No secrets are hidden in the light of the day. Everythinh is clear. Light shines within the heart and brings forth the secrets of the heart. But my heart beholds the two most important people of my life and I feel scared that the light if the day would steal them away from me yet again. In the night I can hide them within me away from the cruel hands of the fate. Darkness holds secrets and dreams. It gives cover to the unseen. Not only does it provide a soothing feeling but also a feeling of belongingness. We are not afraid of the dark but of what might be lying in the dark and for me darkness hid the most precious people of my life. How could I feel scared of it then?

I did not crave for the light but for the dark. I knew darkness would craddle me and my dreams safely in it's arms.

I heard the click of the front door and I knew mom was home. Soon after I heard her soft steps on the staircase and then the opening of her door. I lay there in silence I did not want to meet her yet. She would go to sleep soon. I waited for her to sleep. When everything was silent again. I climbed out of bed and peeped from the key hole to check whether she was asleep or not. There was no light coming from her room so I assumed she was asleep.

After waiting for a while I opened the door of my room and tip toed down the stairs and into the kitchen. I haven't eaten anything the whole day. I needed food to survive. I walked into the kitchen to grab something to eat. I switched on the light and began rummaging through the lower cupboard. It was where we kept ready to eat food. Wafers and chips, biscuits and cold drinks.

I took out everything I found.
I tried to caary them in my arms at once but gave up when the packets kept on falling. I grabbed half of the items in my arns at once and hurried to my room. I opened the door with a kick and stood there wondering where to keep them. I walked to my study table and dropped everything on it. I rushed back down stairs and grabbed the other packets and back upstairs to my room. Now I had lots of food to survive. I closed the door behind me and walked to the study table.

I grabbed a packet of chips and a bottle of coke and sat in front of the window. I gazed at the night sky. The sky was covered with glints of silver. The stars shining like little diamonds on the canvas of the world covered in deep violet. I opened the packet of chips my attention still on the night sky. The stars reminded me of that night when Ray and me were star watching.

It was a cool day. Light breeze blew around. We were wrapped in warm blankets. We gazed at the stars while we lay on the bonnet of his car. The view was beautiful almost surreal.

Ray grabbed my hand and hold it to his lips planting a soft kiss to my knuckles.

"I wish the moment could stop". I told him. "It feels so good being here with you".

"Every moment is beautiful with you". He spoke from beside me.

I smiled at him.

"When I was a kid I believed that my mother was one star in the lot. You know they say that people become stars after they loose their body". He told me with amusement.

"I believe this is the reason they shine so bright. It is their soul that twinkles in the dark". I replied.

He laughed a little."you are so poetic. You make even the ordinary beautiful". He sounded ammused again.

I broke out of my trance and looked at the sky wonderingly. Ray had the power to make me feel good about myself. Even though he is so far away he gave me yet another thing to look forwars to. The stars. I could find mia in the stars. I don't know why I haven't thought of this yet. All thanks to Ray for giving me this idea. I smilef to myself at this thought.

I gazed out if the window towards infinty. All the stars shone brightly in the dark sky. If mia is a star now I wish that her light would guide me in my life. If mia was a bright light i wished that she would be my guiding angel in the dark lanes of life. Like in death just as in life I wished for her to support me and motivate me. I searched for the brightest star and when I seem to find one I closed my eyes and wished for mia to be my star.

I opened my eyes and saw the star twinkling as if happy that I could identify that it was mia. I smiled to myself. I finished the packet of chips and drank the coke. It was my dinner for tonight. Gazing at the infinite sky reminded me of ray. I yearned for him. I knew what I should do. My dreams seem to call me and I knew that it was time for me to go and meet Ray and Mia. They must be waiting for me.

I stood up and drew the curtains apart from the window at my bedside. I wanted the star of mia to watch on me. I felt so content in the star light that i could look at them forever. But for now I did not want them to keep waiting for me. I had to sleep to wake up in the other world. My world.

I climbed under the covers and pulled them upto my chin. I was ready to go in the dream world and meet ray and mia. I had to thank Ray for his wonderful idea. I had to tell him that now among the stars Mia was also present with her mom. Moreover I had to tell Mia that I had found her star. I had to tell her that I am sorry that I felt disappointed in her for breaking her promise. I should have known that she would never break the promise of friendship.

I was ready to go and meet them. I closed my eyes eager to see them again. Just like always sleep came to me instantly and drove me to the lands of dream where Mia and Ray waited for me. I was excited to meet them and I hoped they would be delighted at my discovery of the new star.