ASLEEP YET AWAKE

left alone

"Are you sure you don't want one?" I asked Mia as I took the ice cream cone from the guy at the counter and payed him.

"Yeah. I don't want one right now". She replied.

We walked to the parking area and climbed in her car. Mia was going to drop me home.

She turned on the radio on full volume. Our speakers were blazing as we sped past the trees.

"You sure don't want to taste it?" I Asked her as i ate the last of my icecream.

She refused with a nod and continued her loud singing. I rolled down my window and I was greeted by cool evening air on my face and hair.

The song changed to our favourite and I joined her this time in wild singing or rather screaming. We were singing the lyrics of the song louder then the radio.

" we don't care
We are wild
We are free birds
Flying high..
Oohh... ohhh..."

I could see the turn at the end of the road approaching us and the sun halfway below the horizon.

"Life is insane
Life is cruel
But we will sing
Because we are free birds
Flying high..
Oohh..oohh..."

Mia drove us along the turn and just as we turned yellow light blinded us followed with deafening blaring of a horn. There was a truck in front of us. Everything happened too fast.we hardly had a moment's time. We screamed at the top of our lungs as the truck approached us and smashed into us...

I woke up with my heart pounding wildly in my chest and sweat beads on my forehead. No matter how much I wanted to believe it was a dream I knew it was real. I panicked. The ECG connected to my wrists and left ankle beeped wildly. Then I felt a hand grip me. I turned frantically to find my mom sitting at the side of the bed.

"Relax honey. Relax". She tried to soothe me.

"The truck...the turn... it was real wasn't it ?" I asked her trembling.

Her grip on me tightened. "Yes. It was. But see you are fine. Don't panic".

Just as her words sunk in. I relaxed a bit knowing that I was fine. We might have escaped the truck and instead smashed into a forest. But whatever we are fine. We. I realized that Mia was not with me. I looked around the room. The room was empty expect for the various machines and me and mom. There was no other bed in the room.

I looked to my mom. "Where is Mia ?"

Her expression changed. I could sense that something was not fine. There was something very wrong. I panicked thinking of the worse. No this could not happen.

"Answer me mom. Where is Mia?" There was a desperation in my tone.

Mom looked at me with sad eyes. She reached forward and placed a hand on my cheek while her other hand still gripped my hand. When she spoke her voice was a whisper as if what she spoke hurt her,"she....she is gone..".

She trailed off. It took me some time to register her words.
No this could not happen. I have already lost Ray. She could not leave me like this. It felt like someone crushed my heart. If it was possible my heart broke into even smaller bits. My heart ached for the loss.

I sat there rock still. My gaze fixed yet unseen. The world around me crumbled and disappeared. It was just me with my beating heart. Suddenly the sound of my own heart beat terrified me. I felt like stopping it. It began difficult to breathe and my head began thrombing. I began taking deep breaths.

The voice of my mother broke me out of my trance and I returned to the present. Tears were streaming down her face. But my eyes were vaccant I could not cry. It was like being devoid of tears.

She hugged me resting her chin on top of my head she whispered,"I am sorry".

I inhaled sharply. Every breath hurt. "You could have done nothing". My voice barely audible.

"I didn't meant to tell you now but since you asked, you deserved to know it right away. I gave in". She spoke in a sad voice.

I did not reply. There was nothing left to say.

A nurse came in,"good you are awake" she nodded at me approvingly.

My mom had to go out as she wanted to take my pulse and look at my wounds. I had minimal injury. Scratches covered my arms and legs. There was an angry mark on my stomach and gash on my forehead but nothing more. How could it be that i survived with minimal injury while Mia died. The thought caused a dull ache in my heart.

The nurse did all the examining and stood up to leave."you might be discharged today. You seem fine."

I did not reply just looked at her.

She continued,"I am sorry about your friend though. We could not save her. She was already dead when the ambulance reached the accident spot".

"She was driving the car". I spoke in a little voice.

"She died quick. She did not feel much pain. If that makes you feel any better". She looked at me with kind eyes.

She told me to take care and went out closing the door behind her.

After an hour or so my mom came inside with the same nurse. I did not know how much time has passed. All the time I had been sitting there with a blank stare. My mind was empty. I felt numb. Feelingless.

"It's time to go home. You have been discharged". Mom told me gently.

The nurse came to me and unhooked all the devices.

After half an hour we were in the car and mom was driving. We were going home. I still felt numb and distorted but the reality was slowly sinking in. With each realization I felt more and more worse. My head was throbing. The car ride was silent. Mom looked at me frequently to check if I was fine.

I knew she was worried about me but I could not say anything to make her relax. I did not know what to think or what to say.

She parked the car in the garage and the engine died. I got off the car and went inside the house. I was just about to climb the stairs to my room when mom entered the house.

"Call for me if u need anything honey" . She told me.

I nodded at her and climbed the stairs to my room.

I opened the door and entered inside. I took of my shirt off and examined my wounds. I had minimal injury. Nothing much to very about. I slid on my pyjamas and sunk under the covers.

The bright light of the room irritated me and I felt uncomfortable in the brightness. I stretched my hand and turned the light off. The room became dark. I layed there staring at the ceiling. Things taking toll on me. My eyes started burning with unshed tears. I closed my eyes to stop myself from crying burying myself in the pillows.

When everything was silent and night covered everything in it's dark blanket I cried silent tears of loss.