ASLEEP YET AWAKE

questions and answers

I walked on the road. There were several people around and I felt like everyone had their eyes on me. I felt uneasy under the gaze of so many people and I often faltered in my steps. When it was getting too much to bear I finally decided to take a cab. I had lived in this town for my entire life. I knew each way and each road like the back of my hand but as the crowd grew so did my uneasiness.

I finally took a cab. I told the address to the driver and sat in the cab looking out of the window. I sighed with relief as I saw the people outside rushing past my ride.

It took me twenty minutes to reach the psychiatrist. I got off the cab and payed the cab driver. I turned to face the building. I walked inside and took the lift to first floor.

I went to the receptionist and asked her about my appointment. She was a timid little girl. She must be two or three years older than me. She typed something on the keyboard with her long and elegant fingers and asked me to wait.

The hall was painted white while the floor was tiled. I sat on a chair along the wall with two other people sitting next to me. The hall was not furnished much. There was a television which showed some old movie which I vaguely remember. On the front wall there was a poster and on the poster there was a picture of a girl standing in the midst of long grass with her arms spread open. The sun was shining brightly and shone on the face of the girl. A small smile was etched on the girl's face as she looked towars the sky. There at the top some words were engraved. Life is what you make it. The words were simple but held deep meaning. I instantly liked the words and repeated them in my mind again.

Life is what you make it..

I sat there waiting for my turn. I felt afraid to meet the psychiatrist. I was not exactly afraid but sort of not ready to meet the psychiatrist. I was sure that the psychiatrist was going to ask me a plenty of questions about my past and present. While my past was painful my present was yet another story. A story that I have yet to discover. Since the past few days I haven't felt the time. For me the time was struck in the same moment I lost the two most important people of my life. I did not like to dream because I had Ray and Mia in them but I liked them because it was where my present and past merged with each other. I was not ready to answer tons of questions about my personal life. I could not spill my heartfelt emotions to just anyone. I needed time to deal with my innerself. I needed time to bring everything together again.

"Miss lara next". The girl at the reciption announced. I broke out of my trance as soon as I heard my name.

I got up from my chair and walked towards the white door on the opposite wall near the reception. The receptionist smiled at me as I passed through. I smiled in return and opened the door.

I peeped inside and saw a lady in mid forties sitting across a table ladden with files.

"Come in". She said without looking up from the file she was reading.

I walked inside and sat on the chair opposite her. The room was painted brightly yet elegantly. There was minimal furniture. On one wall there was a large window with creme coloured curtains.On the wall next to it there was a floor to ceiling book shelf lined with various books. On the wall opposite to where I sat there was the same poster like the one in the hall with the same words.

Life is what you make it.

The lady finally looked up from the file and smiled at me. "Hello. Jenny here". She extended an arm in greeting.

"Hello. I am Lara". I shook her hand and replied in return.

Jenny was a women with a certain charm that screamed TRUST ME. She had brown hairs cropped to shoulder length. She wore a well tailored suit and though she was Sitting I could still tell that she was short. She looked the kind of person who always smiled. On the table there was a stack of files and a pen stand. She took out a pen from the pen stand and pulled out a notepad from her desk drawer. She scribbled something on the notepad, probably my name.