ASLEEP YET AWAKE

magical eyes

I sat on the floor with my arms wrapped around my body. I rocked myself back and forth in rythm hoping that sleep would engulf me. My eyes were wide open and adrenaline ran through my veins. Adrenaline is called the 3F hormone. The three Fs stand for fight, flight and fright. It was probably having the fright effect on me since I was so dead terrified of the possibility that my dreams have abandoned me and so have Ray and Mia.

I was shaking as I rocked back and forth. I silently prayed in my heart for sleep to come and get me. My heart rate was increasing gradually and ever since I discovered that sleep was now miles away I have been hyperventilating. It was now dark outside. The moon was glowing from my window. Everywhere in my room was dark and shadows danced on furniture and things.

From the corner where I sat, I gazed at the stars hoping to find Mia amongst the labyrinth of stars. I kept looking at the twinkling little stars lining the sky and felt my eyelids becoming heavy. The lights of the stars created patterns in front of my eyes. The sky swirled in turns as my eyelids began drooping. I did not realize when sleep overtook me. Without resisting I gave in. And for the first time in several weeks I fell into a dreamless sleep under the stary sky.

       * * *

I turned to my side and covered my face with my hand. I stretched my other hand to find my pillow but I could not find it. Slowly I opened my eyes. I found myself in level with the floor. I again closed my eyes and opened them again but the scene in front of me did not change. I sat up and ran a hand through my hair. Even though I had spent the whole night sleeping on the cold floor I did not feel tired at all infact I felt way more relaxed and fresh. I looked around the room with a blank mind. My gaze fell on the shattered mirror. The broken glass gleamed in the sunlight. As I looked at it all the happenings of the previous day came back to me.

My heart began pounding as the realization hit me hard. I realized that I haven't dreamt last night. I freaked out at the thought. Oh my god! This could not be true. I surely could not loose them yet again. My panic rose and I clutched my hair with both my hands. I tried to remember about the time during which I slept but nothing came to me. It was all like a black canvas where I could not see anything. I knew that it was the effect of the wake promoting pills. I stood up and grabbed my bag. I fumbled through the items and finally found what I was looking for. I took out the tablets from my bag and ran to the toilet. I took out the tablets and flushed them. The water swirled and gurgled and then in one swift motion the little white tablets were gone and the water calmed.

I took a few steps back and without thinking for a single moment I ran out towards my closet. I raided my closet and took out whatever clothes I found. I quickly took a shower and dressed. I needed to talk to Jenny. Only she could bring back Mia and Ray and I could do anything to get them back. I did not care about the way I looked and probably I looked like shit. I smoothed my hair with my hands and tied them on top of my head. As I reached the door I realized that my dark circles were now on show to the world since I did not have my sunglasses. I shoved the thought at the back of my head. It was not the time to think about such irrelevant things.

I ran down the street and took a cab. As I sat in the cab I pondered over things. I knew I was going to be hours early than my appointment but I did not care. All I needed now was to talk to her because only she could bring back my dreams.

I took the lift to the first floor and just like I thought I was very early. The hall was deserted. Only Anna was on her table and it looked like she had just arrived. She was arranging things on her table when the doors of the lift opened. She was bewildered to see me. I probably surprised her.

"Lara.." she started but I cut her off in middle.

"I need to see Jenny". I told her.

She looked at me in confusion.
"I think there is a confusion. Jenny does not take any appointments before 12:00 noon and your's is probably the first appointment today". She said.

The world came crashing down and I panicked. "I need to see her". I somehow told her.

Anna sensed that something was not right and came out from behind the table to hold me. "She is not even here yet". She said.

I began hyperventilating and my heart rate increased. "I need her...". I whispered as I began trembling.

A look of worry spread across anna's face and she sat me down on a chair. She rushed to the water cooler and got me a glass of water. I refused to take it but she kept on insisting. I finally gave in and took the glass from her. I gulped the water in one go.
My heart slowed down a bit as she rubbed my hand.

"Are you fine?" She asked me with concern.

"Yes.. I just need..." I began

"Yeah. I will call her and inform her that you are here". She told me and stood up. She walked to her table and picked up the phone.

I could hear her side of the conversation and from what I heard I gathered that Jenny was equally shocked at my early arrival but she was going to come anyway. I sighed with relief. Anna put down the reciever and came to me. She sat on the chair beside mine.

"I am sorry..". I apologised.

"It's alright". she smiled at me.
"what made you come here so early?" She questioned me.

"I just.. I just panicked". I stammered.

"Yes. I get it. I talked to her and she said she will be here soon. You know she was not expecting you 2 hours early". She told me.

I felt a strange closeness with Anna eventhough we have just met a few times and it was just the second time that we have actually talked. She was whimsical yet sweet. The way she connected with me made me feel at ease.

"Thankyou". I said.

"No need. It's my job". She smiled at me."By the way I get it now why you don't remove your sunglasses. I always thought that it was weird that you don't remove them ever. I am sorry if I am being rude. I am just blabbering that's it". She said.

I smiled at her little speech. "yes. These dark circles are pretty bad". I said.

"Well it's nothing a bit of make up can't hide". She winked at me.

"Yes. But I have never been a make up fan". I told her.

"I can tell that you are pretty behind the dark circles". She said. "I like brown eyes".

"Yes. Brown eyes. I like them too". Just as she mentioned brown eyes an image of Ray flashed across my mind and I drowned in the thoughts of him. I thought about the way I stared in those brown eyes that kept me captive for hours. I thought about the love I saw in those deep brown eyes and the way they shined when his lips curved and he laughed. I thought about those brown eyes when they scanned my face and finally settled on my lips and the later consequences.

I smiled to myself as once again those brown eyes worked their magic on me.