ASLEEP YET AWAKE

happy birthday

I stood by the window looking at the stars as the moonlight enlighted my dark room. Everything was quite and I could hear no noise except Ame's light snores. The stars always intrigued me in ways I myself don't understand. Looking at the little jewels spread on the black canvas provides a sense of peace yet restlessness at the same time. The sky looks so quiet and serene. The epitome of peacefulness.

I have been standing there now for over an hour. My thoughts swirlling in my head like a boat in a river, just going with the flow. My thoughts ranging from the good old times to the new me. My every thought and feeling somehow leading me to the devastating loss in my life. I looked at Mia's star, the one that shines so bright and wondered if there really is any truth in this story.

I looked at the stars and thought if Ray ever missed me. This same blanket of darkness must cover the land where he lives every night. Does he ever look at the stars and think about the person he once claimed to love? There is always this battle in my heart to which there is no answer yet. While one half of my heart wants to lock away all his memories in the deepest corner, the other wants to relive them every day and every moment.

The clock struck twelve and I sighed. I turned away from the window and looked at the circular clock on the opposite wall, it's little arms pointing at twelve. I thought about the significance of midnight but nothing came to my mind except the story of cinderella and the begining of a new day. At that moment the realization dawned upon me. Midnight signifies the begining of a new day which means it's already another day. It is my birthday.

Why does midnight mark the begining of a new day? Is it not strange that we start a new day in our dreams? I walked to the bed quietly.  Yay it's my birthday! I thought sarcastically as I slid under the covers. I knew what I had to do today. I knew that I had a task and I felt myself ready to accomplish it. I have understood the fact that memories stay in the heart and not in mind. I believe in Jenny and ofcourse myself. I cannot let my dreams overcome me. It was time to fight my demons with the sword of determination.

With positive thought swarming in my mind I closed my eyes to travel in the world of my dreams.

I stood in the middle of a barren land with no vegetation. The sky above was a deathly colour of brightest yellow and the rays of sun were so bright that the burned my bare skin. I turned around but to my dismay found no one to help me. My throat felt dry and parched. I gathred all my energy and screamed there names,"Ray. Mia". But I got no answer.

My head was spinning from the heat and I felt trapped. My parched throat began to pain and rivers of sweat were flowing down my forehead. The sweat in my eyes was stinging them and I was unable to open them. I sunk on the ground in hope to gain some energy but the bright sunlight was proving to be fatal.

In that moment came someone who lifted me by my shoulders abd offered me a bottle of cold water. I took it hurridly and gulped down the heavenly water that worked miracle on my throat. I looked up to see his face but it was hidden by the sun. In the bright light I could not see his face clearly instead all I saw was white dots in front of my eyes. Anyways I thanked him. As I did I could see his face now and it was no one but Ray. A smile formed on my face and I hugged him whispering gently,"if only you were real".

Mia emerged out of nowhere and there was a frown on her face as if she was offended by something or rather someone and to my surprise I found her gaze directed towards me. "What do you mean by him being not real? Do you not believe that we are here to help you out? We were your friends and we will forever be". She yelled in my face.

Suddenly everything dawned upon me and I realized the reason of me being here. I realized that I was here to end my train of dreams and whatever I see here is nothing but just an illusion.

I took a step back and looked at both of their faces with matching scowls.

"No. You are not real. You are just an illusion that I am loving so much to let it go. You were never really here to help me out but instead you pushed me in this well of depression and all I feel is despair. I am happy in my dreams but in real life I am freaking out every single moment. I am not happy but depressed that I cannot end these dreams". I said with a tinge of disappointment coated with sadness.

They were taken aback by my little outburst but continued to persuade me. "Do you think that we want any harm upon you? We come to give you support to live alone without us. We don't want you to be alone and sad". Ray said.

"Yes Lara. All we want is your happiness. You will be unloved without us. You will not have any friend at your side. All you could do is weep in a corner of your room". Mia continued his point.

I stood there horrified. It was like my all fears were speaking through them. I shook my head vigorously and looked at them.

"No. It is not true. You appear to me like a saviour but in reality you are the cause of my state. Like today, you came here to provide me relief from the heat but in reality it is only you who is reponsible for the heat on me. You look like a saviour but you are the cause. I am not a damsel in distress and I can deal with my own sorrows all I want is for you both to leave me alone. If you think that no one loves me then you are wrong. I have Ame, the best pet. I have jenny who is more than just a doctor to me. I have Anna who keeps me alive with the sound of her laughter. I have learned to move on". I said with all the feelings I could muster.

They looked shocked and then suddenly their faces grew happy. "if it is that Lara then I think it is time for us to go. You have grown up. You can look after yourself and you are sorrounded with love". Ray told me.

"You look happy and you do not need us anymore. You can lead your own life by your own rules. You have people who will support you when you need them. It is time for us to leave you alone". Mia said with a little smile.

The sky above changed colour. dark clouds now lined the sky. It looked like it could rain any moment now.

"Goodbye Lara. Stay strong. We know you are capable of everything". Ray said.

"We love you and wish you goodluck. You are never alone. We are alwaye in your heart. Goodbye". Mia said.

Then the strangest thing happened. In front of me both Mia and Ray transformed into little white birds and flew away towards the horizon. I looked at them awestruck as they flew gracefully.

The sky rumbled again and it began pouring. Large drops of water fell on the barren ground quenching it's thirst. The ground turned dark brown and moist and slowly slowly green grass began emerging out of it. The rain subsided a little but did not end and then happened the most wonderful thing. Colourful and bright flowers emerged out from the once barren ground. They looked so beautiful and enchnating that I could not look away.

The sun came out again but this time it's heat was not harsh but gentle as ever. I looked above and was delighted to find an arc of seven colours adorning the light blue sky.

The view was beautiful and my heart melted at the heaven in front of me. It was indeed a sight to behold.

I tossed to my side. Bright sunlight was pouring inside my room from the open window. I opened my eyes slowly unwilling to let the dream to end. I was momentarily blinded by the bright light but then the dream came back to me.

I shot up straight. I had finally brought my dreams to an end. I smiled to myself. It was a new day and a new me.

I stood up and walked to the bathroom. I stood in front of the large mirror and smiled to myself. It was like being reborn. I was a new person now with a forgotten past and a promising future. It was indeed my birthday because I was definately born today.

"Welcome new Lara. A very happy birthday to you". I said to my own reflection in the mirror and smiled to myself. My smile only grew larger when I saw the new Lara in the mirror smile back at me.