ASLEEP YET AWAKE

shining like a star

"Come on get your big ass off the bed" mia yelled at me.

I shifted slightly under the covers and peeped at her from under the blankets. She was perched atop my bed glaring at me.
"I ain't getting up any time soon" I mumbled in my sleepy voice.

"You gotta get up now" her tone turned slightly dramatic as she recited ,"the world is so full of things and opportunitues waiting for you. Get out and meet people make some friends."

"Well there's no one out there I want to meet currently. That one person I so wish to see is not out there.." I trailed off.

Her expression softened at my words and she spoke in a gentle tone,"Look lara I know it is difficult but you just can't stay hidden like this. He was not the only one who cared about you. You need to think about me and your mom too. She doesn't even know what's going on with you".

"I know I have been acting a little retarded but I can't help it"

"You know I am here whenever you need to talk". She offered softly.

"Yeah. Just give me some time. I will be fine. I promise". My voice sounded strangled but I managed to complete the last sentence.

She sighed loudly. "Whatever you like".

"Thankyou for being here Mia".i offered with a smile.

"But this won't be going on for long. You have today to grieve. Tommorrow we are going shopping and I am not taking any excuses. Got it girl". She announced with a loud huff.

"Yeah. Ok".

She stood up grabbing her purse and straightened her clothes. She walked towards me and gave my arm a gentle squeeze. "Dont forget I am always here. The world is not going to end."

"Yeah. Meet you tommorrow".I smiled at her.

"See ya".

she went out and closed the door with a click. I sighed internally. Certainly the world is not going to end. I mean of course things are not going to be the same like always but change makes you grow. I cant spend the rest of my life burried in the covers just because some guy left me. He is probably now a continent away. I am sure he is not crying over me.
Just as i thought this my mind revolted back with its own opposite thought you love him. You love him. He is gone. He is not returning back to you. You are going to be alone. These thoughts made me tremble slightly. But this time I managed to push my revolting thoughts at the back of my mind.

Pushing my thoughts at the bottom I got up from the bed and decided to do something good today. I decided to start with a shower. I grabbed a change of clothes and stepped into the shower. I avoided the mirror still fearing about what I might do. I passed it straight without giving it a single look. I turned the faucet drowning myself in the water falling on me.

I took care to not over hydrate myself. Just when my fingers started getting wrinkly I got out of the water. Grabbing a towel I wrapped myself quickly. On my way out I managed a quick glimpse at the mirror but I did not dare to look for long enough.

After dressing myself up. I took out a hairbrush gently combing through my hair. I felt at peace doing so. I took a long time to comb my hair and tied them in a bun at the top of my head.

I put the hairbrush again at its assigned position and went to stand near the window. I had no idea about what i should do. I thought about calling Mia but I was not yet ready to see her again. I needed to clear my mind. I needed something to keep me busy so that I won't think of him again.

After thinking for a long time. I decided to arrange my wardrobe. It has been a while since I had done that. It will probably take me hours to do it but it is good that my mind would be occupied for some time.

I walked to my wardrobe and emptied it of all its content putting all my clothes on the floor. When I had pulled out everything I sat next to the huge pile of clothes and began sorting through them.

God! it's really going to take hours.

I neatly piled clothes and made separate piles of shorts then jeans and then shirts with a separate pile for skirts and dresses. I never knew I had so many clothes. I was almost done with sorting out things and next I would have to arrange them in the shelfs.

I picked up a skirt and neatly folded it placing it on top of a pile. Then I grabbed a pair of shorts and folded it too. The winters are soon approaching. I thought while I folded shorts and skirts.

My eyes caught a hint of dark blue among the clothes still left to sort and a lump began forming in my throat. I stared at it for some time then I reached forward to grab it with trembling hands. I clutched it tightly in my hands as if afraid that it might leave me too.

It was a beautiful day. We were in his car when he handed me a package. I took it eagerly. Curiosity eating at me I asked,"what is it?"

"See for yourself"he replied.

I began unpacking it and to my surprise I discovered that it contained a dark blue dress with a broad black belt studed with silver diamonds.

"Its beautiful". I whispered.

"And so are you". He smiled at me and bent forward to kiss me on the cheek.
"I want you to wear it tonight when we go out".

I stared at him blankly. "I love it. Thanks ray". I told him with a smile. His words made me blush a deep red.

It was the same dress. Looking at it again brought all those emotions back I had fought so hard to keep at bay. I stared at that dress for a long time.

Things are never going to be the same.

I folded it neatly like other dresses but instead of placing it in the pile of dresses like I did with others I shoved it on the uppermost shelf away from all the clothes. I did not wanted to see it again. Seeing things from the past brought back unwanted memories which are difficult to deal with.

I had to move on and I was moving on..