ASLEEP YET AWAKE

I call it a night

Anna held me as long as I cried. She did not utter a single word. She knew that it was time for me to let out everything. I weeped for a lost love and a dead friend. My heart seemed like it would burst any moment due to so much pain and agony.

I remember Ray often talking about meeting a friend. I knew all his friends just this one was unknown to me. He often asked me to join him but I always refused. I never even suspected that his friend would become an anchor to my emotions in his absence.

Anna rubbed my back and handed me a glass of water when I sobered up. She took my hands in hers and tried to calm me down.

"Lara I am sorry. I had no idea that he...". She trailed off.

"I know. You don't need to apologise". I replied in a little voice.

"Is he responsible for your condition?" Anna asked me with a stern gaze as if she was cursing Ray for leaving me like this.

Ray left me but he had no intentions of hurting me ever. The short span of time we spent together passed in a bliss and I knew he loved me. If he had a say in the matter he would have probably stayed. Whatever may be the situation I am definately sure that he is not responsible for my state. It is solely me who has done this. If I am hurting then it is because I never accepted the fact that he and Mia are gone.

I grabbed Anna's hand. "No. He left me but it was me jumped in this well of depression. He is your friend Anna don't accuse him of something he never did. He is a great person and moving on was a difficult task". I told her.

She squeezed my hand and came forward to hug me. For the first time in days I felt like understanding in dawning on me. I never admitted to myself that it was my fault that I am facing this. Saying it out loud was a change and I felt different. Yes it was my fault and now I am going to mend my mistakes.

"You know you are brave. Don't let your inner demons scare you". Anna said to me with meaningful eyes.

A tear rolled down my cheek and a smile crept on my lips. They were the tears of acceptance and acceptance is the first step of geeting over it. I knew it at that moment that my fight with depression was on it's last stage.

Anna gave my hand a squeeze and stood up. She picked up Ame in her arms and looked at me.
"Enough of all this crying now rest of the night is going to be an "Ame night". So get up and shoot to your room". She ordered.

I looked at her with my face twisted in confusion. "What is an "Ame night"?" I asked her.

She pulled me up on my feet and urged me to lead the way to my room. I did what she asked me and began climbing the stairs. "We are going to give Ame the time of her life". She said and ruffled Ame's ear. She responded with a delighted meow.

I giggled and opened the door to my room. Anna marched inside with all the bags and Ame.

She placed her hands on her hips and stood there pondering over something. Then she fished out her mobile from her pocket and dialled a number.

"I need to tell mom that I am staying here for the night". She told me.

"You are staying for the night?" I asked her excitedly.

"Yeah. Just let me tell mom first". She said.

"Hey mom. I am staying at a friend's tonight. I will be home tomorrow evening. Love you. Take care". She speaked in the phone and then hung up.

She sat down beside me and grabbed her shopping bag.
"I bought Ame a few things. Let's use them tonight". She said.

"You were out shopping for Ame at this time?" I enquired.

"The store closes late at night and the things I got her are amazing. I am sure you will love them". She chirped excitedly.

She began pulling out items from the shopping bag one after one. There was a cat shampoo, tins of cat food and a little pink towel.

"And now I present to you the item of the day". Anna announced and pulled out a pink belt with with a little bell. "A new collar for little Ame". She beamed with joy as she displayed the collar in her hands.

I head palmed myself. She was shocked at my reaction and pouted at me. "Didn't you like it?" She asked in a sad voice.

"It's not that Anna. Just I bought her a collar too". I told her and reached for my bag. I took out the black collar with a bow and tossed it to her.

"It is beautiful". She said. "No worry. Ame has not one but two collars now. Is it not great?".

"Yeah. You have bought her so many things. You shouldn't have spent so much on her". I told her.

She dismissed me. "I just acted on instinct and Ame loves it too". She said and cuddled Ame again.

"Do you have a tub or something?". She asked me.

"A tub?" I looked a her in confusion.

"Yes. To bathe Ame". She said.

"I think I have my childhood tub. It was here somewhere but we will need to fill it. It fills with water and swells up transforming in a tub". I told her.

"Great. That would do". She beamed.

"I just need to find her. I haven't seen it in a while. Wait. I will go and check in the store room". I told her and went out of the room.

That pool was my favourite thing as a child. I loved playing in it during summers. Dad bought it for me when I was six. When I grew up we kept it in the store room.

I opened the store room and turned on the lights. There in front of me was my yellow and pink pool. I picked it up and rushed back to my room.

"Here it is". I said displaying it to Anna.

"Perfect". She said and took it from my hand. She went to the bathroom and filled it with water. She came back inside and instructed me to carry Ame to the bathroom while she prepared her bath.

She poured the shampoo in water and it began bubbling. I placed Ame in the water and the expression she gave was priceless. We giggled at her and began bathing her.

The rest of the night was spent cleaning Ame and playing with water. We were totally drenched in water. I gave Anna my clothes so she could change and I changed into my night clothes.

Anna offered to make hot chocolate and I decided to prepare some snacks. We wrapped Ame in a blanket and left her in her little basket while we prepared food in the kitchen.

Whil working in the kitchen Anna asked me,"Ray and me were very close. He told me he was dating someone but I had no idea it was you".

I smiled sadly. "We were together for about a year and still going steady but then ge had to leave". I told her.

She squeezed my shoulders. "It was bound to happen Lara. Open your heart and let go of him. Be happy it ever happened". She said.

"I am happy for the moments we shared and I am not wishing for him to come back either. Perhaps some people can never stay in your life forever no matter gow much you want them to stay. I want to forget my past and live life once again". I told her. It was the first time I confessed something so deep.

"I know you can and I am not leaving you alone from today". She said.

I looked at her with sad eyes. I was again on the verge of tears. I reached forward and gave her a hug. "Thankyou Anna. It means a lot to me". I whispered.

"Now no more tears. Lets go back and enjoy the night". She said wiping my tears.

I smiled at her and we picked up the trays of food and carried them to my room.

We ate and talked a lot. It was about three in the morning that we finally slept. She had not slept even then if it was not for her shift in the morning. I was so tired that I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow. For the first time in the past month I slept with a smile on my face. I was not alone this time. I had a friend and a pet who were ready to fight away my demons with me.

I had no dreams that night and even before I slept I knew that the viscious cycle of dreams is on the verge of ending. I am finally going to win for myself and those who love me.