ASLEEP YET AWAKE

a text

I opened the text with trembling fingers. Love is so strong yet it makes us weak sometimes. We tend to rely on some people so much that life seems a nightmare without them. I loved ray so much. His name was synonymous to his role in my life. His presence was like sun rays that omitted the darkness from my life and enriched it in a golden light. His presence enlightened the path for me to move on. In the past few months i had become so dependent on him without realizing it myself. Now when time has come for him to go i can clearly see his place in my unordered life.

What about all the plans that we had made together? In all the time we had been together I gad never thought that the thing we had will come to an end in this way. For once I could see and feel what separation does to a person.

Through the text ray had asked me to meet him tomorrow at the airport and bid him a last goodbye.

I knew it is going to be difficult. But somewhere i felt happy that he had the thought of calling me for a last day meeting. I know his thoughts must be torturing him as much as mine are torturing me.

I wanted him to be a part of my life always and this sudden change in plan has turned my life upside down.

I called mia telling her about ray's text. She promised to accompany me to the airport. I threw my phone on the bed and sunk on the floor.

Never in my worst dreams did i ever imagine this moment. Life feels so weird without him. His absence is gnawing at my heart. How can he leave me alone ? Why ? My thoughts are killing me and the knot is again forming in my chest. I did not even realize when sleep took over me and i was lost in my dreams once again..

I could hear soft music in the room. It took me a while to recognize the location . It was ray's room but not the new one. It was the room before his house was renovated. The wall beside the bed had a large photograph of him. I walked to the wall and placed my hand on the photograph. The light brown colour of his eyes complemented the paint on the wall. His face was stretched in a smile so beautiful. I felt happy being there.

He emerged out of nowhere and hugged me . I was startled at the sudden touch but relax after realizing it was him. How good it felt to just have him here...with me..he walked me to the edge of the bed and sat me. He was in his gym shorts. A sign that he was working out. He sat beside me holding my hand. We were talking and he was caressing my hair gently. It felt so good.

Even though i existed there i still knew that it was not real . It felt like i was asleep yet truly awake.
I suddenly felt a strong urge to touch his face and for my amazement i realized that i could touch him. I looked in the forest of his brown eyes and whispered "stay with me". I was astonished to realize that though it was a dream i could control it. And in that moment i wished that this dream would never end....

I woke up to the sound of rain outside.
Oh god i must have fallen asleep while thinking. What has taken over me. I seem to find solace in my dreams. It is an easy way to escape a real life drama . At least i am smiling there. I looked at the clock it was 6 in the evening. I stood up and fixed myself a bit.

It was my turn to do the dishes today. I better do it before mom returns and starts interogating me. I rushed downstairs and did the washing.

My life ain't anything too interesting since i have nothing much to do in the hols. All i had was ray and whatever i did was with him. He kept me busy during the day and without him i felt like a spectator watching my own life go by.

Tomorrow will be the day i will meet him to never meet again....