Bottled up | thoughts

Nicole Arbour + Body Shame

I don't know if any of you watched Nicole Arbour's 'Dear Fat People' video, but I'd wanted to rant about it so long. (If you haven't watched it, I linked it above.)

Basically, it's some new 'comedian' on Youtube who's trying to be funny and making these 'tbh' videos. In the video, she mentions that being fat is a choice. That obese people can lose the weight by just getting off their butts, exercising, and dieting properly. At one point, at the beginning of the video, I thought 'this isn't bad'. I thought maybe she was going to promote healthier eating and exercise, and discuss how to be fit or healthier. Which I would've liked. At one point of obesity, it can get very unhealthy, and at one point, yes, it can lead to disease and earlier deaths. That's not an opinion, it's a fact.

But in this video, it seemed like this Nicole girl just straight-out, plain hated overweight people in general. It wasn't a motivational video. It was a 'humorous' body shame video. And then she tried to act like it was all a joke. But it wasn't a joke. She did mention a 'disgusting' experience where she sat next to an overweight person on the plane. 

Here's the thing;

I have a friend who thinks she's overweight. She tells me she wishes she was as 'skinny' as me. But I don't see why, when she's probably the strongest, most healthiest person I know. It's true that she weighs more than me, but she certainly exercises more than me. She can literally lift me on her shoulders and still do squats, when I'm too weak to even win an arm wrestle match with my thirteen year old brother.  I'd choose the couch over sports any time, and yet she does synchronized swimming and soccer every week. She goes to the gym. She runs on the treadmill almost every day. The other day, she ran so long her nose bled, and she was 'forced' to quit. 

And to be honest, she's not even overweight. She has a little baby fat here and there, but she can do what other people can do perfectly fine. She can run miles and miles around the track. She can only do so much to control what she looks like. And no one should be telling her that she is 'fat'. Nicole Arbour, of all people, can't say that she's unhealthy just because she's not as skinny as her.

And I know some people will probably be reading this and think it's unfair that I'm ranting about this video, that I don't understand, because I have never been called fat, nor have I been bullied because of it. I will say that far. I have never been bullied by my physical appearance. 

But body shame is an issue for everyone, fat or skinny or curvy, it doesn't matter. And it's not just girls, either. It's boys too.

And unknowingly, comments or the smallest of jokes relating to our bodies can hurt. Even if they're from family members. For a long time, my family members told me that because I'm Asian, I should be skinnier. That because I'm Asian, I'll have a small butt and a flat chest forever. Which probably is true. My friends joke about my flat chest sometimes, not knowing that it's a big part of my body I wish was different. I wear push up bras, and I'm too embarrassed to go into Victoria's Secret with my friends because I feel victimized when they're picking out 'cute bras' in their sizes. And I think they know I'm uncomfortable about it, too. There was an especially embarrassing experience when I went shopping for bras in the mall, and the woman who measured me said my boobs were too small. They didn't have any bras in my size.

And my friends are supportive, at some level. They tell me my boobs 'aren't that small', or a boy tells me that he likes boobs that 'fit right in one hand' (which was kind of barf-inducing and an insult)or on a good day, they tell me my chest looks 'bigger than usual', or something like that.

I joke about it, too. I call my boobs 'ant hills' and 'mosquito bites', and my friends and I laugh about it. Because it's better for me to make fun of myself than to have them laughing at me.

Then, I have a birth mark on my thigh that I've been ashamed about since I was as little as five. My family called me nicknames, and laughed at me whenever I wore a swimming suit. I tried everything. Because I swim, I tried to cover it with waterproof foundation, I even tried slapping on a band-aid. But they all washed away when I swam. Even now, all my one pieces are stretched on the bottom because I kept pulling it down to cover my birthmark.

Even as a five year old, I'd been insecure about my body. 

And I don't think that's fair. It's not fair for anybody.

I have a friend who is gorgeous from head to toe. She's got perfect legs, a flat stomach, nice boobs and even a butt. I literally think that her body is "goals." But a few months ago, she revealed to me her insecurities about her own body. And while I hated my body, my friend (the one who thinks she's overweight) told me my body is "goals". 

And then it hit me.

I want everyone who's reading this to know that whoever tells you you're overweight, or that you're ugly or that you need to 'be better', can go suck an ass. And you can tell them, when they point something out about your body, just say: "I know." Because you probably know right now, what part of your body you hate the most. You know your nose is too long, or that your feet are too big, or that your butt is too small. You know. And you can live with it.

It's not just you. While you're wishing for a flat stomach, or a thigh gap, or shiny hair, somewhere out there, someone is wishing they had nice teeth, just like you. Or nice legs, like you.

You just have to keep looking for the good things about yourself. You are NOT perfect. But you can still love yourself. 

And even Nicole Arbour isn't perfect. 

She may think she is, but you're so much better. 

Lots of love,

Kate xx