Bottled up | thoughts

Careers [Long Rant!]

THIS IS LONG so you can read this if you're pooping

I'm guessing by now, some of you have a plan for the future, or maybe you have your eyes set on a college that will get you on the exact career path you want. But often times the biggest conflict is that there's a disagreement from the people around you.

I got lucky, in a way. My parents support me in what I want to do, which is art. But there are countless times someone awkwardly nodded or judged or even made me feel like shit just because I want to follow that path. One of my friends even told me bluntly that I'm going to starve to death if I pursue art, and when I protested, she taunted me, asking; "Then name one way you won't." and I didn't have an answer. This was during class so some of my other classmates were around us when she said that, listening. And I was so humiliated and upset, I didn't know how to defend myself. I think I muttered something about art being important in the design/movie industry (which is what I want to do) and it's not all she thinks it is, but obviously I just laughed off the whole thing, then (embarrassingly) cried my eyes out after she was gone. And she hadn't even meant it in a cruel way. She doesn't understand me because we're very different people; she wants to become a surgeon and I want to become a production designer. But no one actually told me that before, in my face. As if I wasn't insecure about that path already. 

And whether she believes it or not, I thought of that possibility tons of times. For so long, I thought; What if doing art is the wrong thing to do? What if I won't make enough money? What if I won't be happy? What if I'm not good enough? So for the last two years of high school, I researched other careers. For some time I was thinking of something in English or Psychology but I kept finding myself back to an easel or always having that title 'production designer' prodding me in the back of my mind and I knew I still loved art. I finally decided this year that there's nothing else I'm going to do but art. I want to do what I want to do.

What's worse is that last Christmas, my aunt and my cousin came to visit. My cousin is a graduate from a top art school and is currently doing a sculpture workshop in Italy. I think she's super talented. She brought in tons of photos of her working and of the beautiful things she's seen and made in Italy, and she seemed so proud and happy. Then my aunt, after hearing that I'd love to do something like that too, started to...'worry' about me. AKA "Why would you do art, of all things?" "Do something reasonable." "I'm so worried that it won't work out for you." Then she even pointed at my cousin and said "Look what she's doing now. She doesn't have a job. She's slacking around with some project in Italy." 

To be completely honest, for the longest time I thought my cousin was lazy for having a degree but barely getting out of the house. And now I regret it. Because I saw those amazing photos of her in Italy. Because after my aunt finished lecturing that day, I saw her face, and it looked exactly like how I felt. 

And then there are moments like today, when I sit down with my tablet and draw until my hands feel like they'll fall off and then I realize that crying that day was a stupid thing to do. I didn't have to defend myself to that friend, or anyone else. I'll do what I want to do, BITCH. *snaps fingers in z formation* 

I got off track. My point, clearly, is that becoming what you want to be is the best thing you can do for yourself. But I know it's hard. And there are so many more people who have it so much worse than me. And I admire them. Because it's hard to figure out what's right or wrong when everyone is telling you you're wrong but you know you're right.

I regret those two years of doubting myself. I just wish I'd decided earlier, and I wanted to talk to you guys about it so you won't waste any more time like me.

I could've been miserable if I chose psychology. Sure, I'd probably make more money with that than a career in art, but that's not where my 'arrow of life' (let's get cheesy here) is pointing towards. If I suddenly change my mind and want to become a forensic scientist in five years, sure, I'll veer towards it then. If I don't get into art school, then sure, I'll figure something out. But right now it's art. And I'll follow it no matter what. 

You follow what you want do and don't think about what comes after. Think of your future career choice as a crossroad; you might take a completely different turn or cut off in the middle or even branch off into another road but to get there, you had to have started somewhere, right? You start at the beginning of the crossroad and choose a left or a right. This part is the hardest, to choose where to go. But the rest of the way is unpredictable so you don't need to worry about that. I'm not saying don't think about the future at all. But like my mom always tells me, finish what's in the present and then think about the future. Choose what makes you happy right now. (In other words, YOLO.)

Make good choices kids, I believe in you.

Tell me if you had a similar experience, or what you want to become in the future. Thanks for reading like always.

-Kate