Bottled up | thoughts

I'm not 'Korean'

So the paperwork is done. I'm leaving in an hour to take photos to give up my Korean citizenship. Apparently Korea doesn't allow me to have two nationalities, so it means I need to give up either being Korean or Canadian. We obviously can't stick with the Korean because of a lot of reasons, + it would mean my brother would have to enlist when he's 18. 

I can't stop thinking since this is the last, official step of the process that it's killing off a part of me or something. After all the photos and documents are handed in, I'm legally Canadian, and Canadian only. Which pisses me the hell off because Canada lets us have two nationalities but Korea won't. 

Then what the heck am I now, if I identify with a nationality, but on paper it says otherwise?

I just hope I'm overreacting because I've been in a 'mood' since yesterday. 

By 'mood' I mean one of those  'relapses' where some shitty stuff happens and it's almost like you're PMS'ing but you're not: you don't want to talk to your friends, you don't feel close to anyone, and everything, I mean everything makes you irritated or sad. (Basically I'm emo) 

And that reminds me that I have a really bad habit I haven't told you guys about. When I feel exhausted or upset I isolate myself and unintentionally lash out at everyone, including my mom and my brother. And now that I've yelled at both of them and locked myself in my room for the day, there's nothing else to do but finish my pileload of homework and whine on the Internet until I have to go and take those photos. 

So whoever read this until the end, thank you. I don't share any of this anywhere except on Wattpad because it feels so much better to write it down where no one I know in real life can see it. And it feels good that none of the people on here asks me any more questions, they just read and they understand. 

So thanks and I'll see you all soon. Idk when I'll update next, I just need to stay in this crappy room a little longer and live off of crackers and water :')

Bye,

-Kate