The Devil You Know

Chapter 37: Everything's Went to Shit

School had started about 2 months ago. Everything has gotten 10 times worse since Tommy and Ma left. Pop was never not drunk and he was always angry. He blamed me a lot for Ma and Tommy for leaving. Me and Brendan were hardly home. I was probably home more then he was, and if I wasn't I was with Joe or Naomi.

Joe ended up being a drug dealer and because I dated him I got drugs for free. He would hit me too. I don't know, maybe I was not good enough to deserve a good relationship with anyone. It felt like everyone wanted to hurt me, even Tommy. The only people that seemed to care or protect me was Brendan, Naomi, and Joel.

Joe said if I tired to get away from him he'd hurt me and anyone I cared about. Why did I allow myself to get in this position. I already have Pop hurting me, now I have him too. Maybe things will get better when college starts. Maybe I can get away from him. I felt like I was losing myself. I try to numb the pain with all the drugs but then it's back the next day. I wanted to be okay but there were things that were keeping me from that happiness that I so desperately needed. Maybe things wouldn't be this bad if Pop could stay sober.

I didn't pay attention to anything in classes anymore, I just went on with my day. School was over and I met up with Naomi and started walking to her house. Naomi and Joel were still talking about going into the army. I was so afraid for them to leave me. I was afraid to be alone. Brendan and Tess were gonna move in together. He's mostly with her and I didn't really want to bother him.

I was afraid that if Naomi and Joel left, there would be no hope for me getting away from Joe. I didn't want to get stuck with him forever. I was afraid one day he would beat me till my last breath. I was afraid I'd kill myself with drugs. I was angry all the fucking time. This isn't who I wanted to be. This wasn't how I was supposed to live.

"Jade? You alright?" Naomi asked, softening her voice. "Yeah, I'm fine. I think I'm gonna go to Franks with Brendan today. Maybe just hang out with Brendan, if he's free." I spoke, a sense of coldness in my voice. I wasn't me anymore.

We made it to Naomi's house and I called Brendan. "Hey, are you free today?" I asked. I really needed to go train. "Yeah, what's up? Are you okay?" Brendan asked, a hint of worry in his voice. "Yeah, I'm fine, I just wanted to go to Franks and train. Only if you could go with me though." I replied. "Yeah, of course. I'll be at Naomi's to pick you up. I'll see you soon, love you" He said hanging up the phone. I got my gloves and things I needed for training and me and Naomi waited outside.