Race Track of Love

RTOL 21

Chapter 21

It's just like, once upon a time, he loved a person who can never love him back. The end.

People started to came to talk and ask how I was doing and somewhere along the course of the evening I was pulled from one table to the next. Tyler stayed by my side that whole time making people think that we're still together. When people aren't coming already, and they started to have the most awaited part of the evening—the dinner, I felt a familiar pang in my chest in telling him to stop but I don't want to arrive in a situation that we're already hurting each other.

I dragged him outside, in our garden, near the pool, no people around—only the two of us. They were busy having a delicious twinge of pleasure given by food prepared by the exclusive caterer in California, the one that our family had been trusted for several decades.

I was about to tell him that after this night that he must not think that we still have a chance and I have something felt for another guy—that's the only reason he will stop.

"Wait, did you invite Marc here?" he uttered with a laugh. "Good to know that you two were goody good now. It's just like a week ago that you wanted to bury him on the track."

I nodded and held his hand.

"Tyler, please stop. Stop pretending that we're okay. Just like I told you before, there's no us already. Thank you for loving me, I tried but I can't pretend all my life that I love you more than what you think. It's not you, it's me. I loved you but only as a friend. I don't want us to end like this but you know that since we started our relationship, I said that I will try. I did try, Tyler.I am so sorry, I can't love you back the way you do for me. In the first place, it was my fault. I can't forgive myself already, abusing your kindness, abusing your love for me. I don't deserve your love, Tyler. It's time for you to move on before everything is not too late. I don't want you to have false hope, to expect and I don't want to reach the point that we're already hurting each other. Thank you for having me at my worst," I said in between my sobs. I even haven't felt that I was already crying.

He tried to say a word but he can't because of the pang of pain he was feeling—a pain of realization that he was too stupid for loving me. We were already crying in unison, holding each other's hands.

"Forgive me for not appreciating your love. I'm too stupid for not appreciating it." I smoothed a hand on his face.

"I never loved anyone else just like this before. I won't let you go, Mitch. I can't." He bit his lip and brushed a hand on his hair.

"We may love the wrong person, cry for the wrong reason but one thing is for sure, those mistakes will help us find the right person. I'm not the right one for you, Tyler. Can't you see that?"

"I'd thought last time that it's time for me to give up and let you go but sometimes you don't realize the weight of something you've been carrying until you feel the weight of its release. I am not forcing you to love me back today, tomorrow, next week, next month, or maybe next year but please just give us a chance. The hardest thing I did is to love you but I will never ever be tired loving you, Mitch."

I turned to avoid his eyes. Guilt is stabbing me at the back. "You'll never find the right person if you won't let go of the wrong one."

"No. No, please," he grabbed my wrist and wrapped me by his strong arms. I couldn't barely move. Every breathe he release, I feel it. He was already catching it.

He turned me to face him. I can't directly look into his eyes.

"Look at me, Mitch. Look at me. When we broke up, I never thought of giving up because I know at that very moment, there were no man who can ever replace me in your heart. Yes, I admit. I am too stupid to love you that much. If loving you is wrong, then I don't want to be right," he said, cupping my face, wave of tears rolling down.