Dealing with Someone with Anxiety
things we are trying to do all the time:
1. be safe
things we can't help but do all the time:
1. second-guess ourselves2. behave impulsively and reactively3. take everything personally4. worry5. worry6. worry7. have difficulty accepting compliments8. have difficulty reciprocating friendly gestures9. have difficulty finding the courage to respond10. have difficulty not being suspicious of others' intentions11. make a huge deal out of the smallest thing
things you should keep in mind:
1. we're scared of everything2. pretty much all of the time3. it's an actual disorder4. it manifests as impulsive behavior5. you can't fix us with words6. telling us "worrying is silly" won't make us stop worrying7. it'll only make us feel silly8. and then we'll worry even more9. "oh god, am i worrying too much? what if she calls me silly again?"10. like that11. also, we wear a lot of armor12. cold, heavy, affection-proof armor with spikes13. we constructed this armor as children14. we're fairly certain you will never be able to pry it apart15. but there is a nice person under there, we promise
things you can do for a friend with an anxiety disorder:
1. stick around2. ask him/her if they're comfortable in a place or situation3. be willing to change the place or situation if not4. activities that help them take their mind off of things are good!5. talk to them even when they might not talk back6. (they're probably too afraid to say the wrong thing)7. try not to take they're reactions (or lack thereof) personally8. (the way they expresses themselves are distorted and bent because of their constant fear)9. (and they knows this)10. give her time to respond to you11. they will obsess over how she is being interpreted12. they will anticipate being judged13. it took me four hours just to type this much14. even though i sound casual15. that's because i have an anxiety disorder
things you shouldn't do:
1. tell us not to worry2. tell us we'll be fine3. mistake praise for comfort4. ask us if we are "getting help"5. force us to be social6. force us to do things that trigger us7. "face your fears" doesn't always work8. because-remember-scared of everything9. in fact, it would be more accurate to say we are scared of the fear itself
emergency action procedure for panic attacks:
1. be calm2. be patient3. don't be condescending4. remind us that we're not crazy5. sit with us6. ask us to tighten and relax our muscles one by one7. remind us that we are breathing8. engage us in a discussion (if we can talk, then we can breathe)9. if we are having trouble breathing, try getting us to exhale slowly10. or breathe through our nose11. or have us put our hands on our stomach to feel each breath12. ask us what needs to change in our environment in order for us to feel safe13. help us change it14. usually, just knowing that we have someone on our side willing to fight our scary monsters with us is enough to calm us down
