I relapsed with self harm tonight and it stings and there are a few deep ones only on my ankle but my boyfriend will easily see them and he is gonna be so upset but I feel like I deserve it I tried to stop and I did then I went back and opened it my head was screaming fuck and I've been craving it but it hurts and I do regret part of it but I also feel satisfied with the pain... Fuck I'm so fucked up
I relapsed. I don't know what to do anymore.
I fucked up.....
I don't even know what happened.....
I just had a knife and couldn't stop.....
I've got a geography exam tomorrow and I'm going have to do it whilst constantly checking I'm not bleeding through my shirt. I'm so sorry
You know what relapse looks like? It looks like heartbreak and breaking down on the bathroom floor. It looks like blood stains on the shower and tear stains on your face. It looks like wishing you were dead and that everything could just stop.
You know what the process of recovery feels like? It feels like pain and urges and being drowned in the sounds of your demons. It feels like scratching your own touch off of your skin. It feels like screaming and crying nonstop for hours. It feels scary and difficult and it hurts.
You know what recovery is? It's smiles and hugs. It's the person you love loving you back. It's the fresh air you breathe in the morning without wishing it was your last. It's looking in a mirror and not hating the person you see. It's happiness.
you know what I've come to know? I am stuck in a self I destructive cycle. I relapsed today. I wish I was dead and lately I've been slitting my skin more than I've been breathing. I break down too often, I am terribly fragile. But I know that nothing seems more peaceful to me than suicide at the moment.
