My Letters to God.

Letter 40

It was a very productive day today Lord! I felt like a house wife these past two days and boy~do I have a total new perspective on house wives! Also respect now! Ok that sounds mean of me but I always thought house wives were never that busy! I was so wrong! All day it was walking around, dealing with people, kids, cooking, and then coming back over here to my grandmothers to be with my uncle. Today was more hectic but I'm glad. It gave me a sort of fulfilling feeling to be taking care of those around me. Also THANK YOU SO MUCH TODAY LORD! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! AND THANK YOU! My aunt was sick today and I understand the pain she was going through. I remember the weeks before I finally cried out to you. My stomach felt like someone was sticking a knife in my stomach and the twisting it while dragging it all the way to the bottom of my uterus; making it into noodles! It's definitely not the most pleasant feeling in the world especially when my heart began hurting as well. She was crying and I knew the pain she was going through Lord. I wanted to do something but knew I couldn't. I can get her water (well not today since the water was off) I can turn on the AC and turn it off for her but making her feel better...I know only you could do that. I was nervous and scared Lord to pray out loud over her because I never did that before. I always joined people prayers when they prayed over someone but never did it myself so yeah I was freaking nervous but I wanted to. I wanted her pain to be eased and I know you can do ALL things! So Lord I prayed over her to you and kept telling myself to not doubt because you will never forsake us or abandon us and whatever happens it is your will. Whether I would have to call a doctor it's because you know she needs one but she didn't! You healed her Lord and we both know it! Thank you! ^_^ Also thank you for smacking me back in my place about judging others Lord. I needed that because who am I to judge others I do not know? Help me not be that way Lord. Give me a heart of Love for others even if they anger me. Thank you for correcting me when I am always wrong. God, I called my grandma a little while ago and we started talking about Christian channel on the TV. She talked about how things use to be where we weren't so messed up (these are my words not hers) and how now we see the end times coming. How people are putting chips in themselves and when she told me that I have to admit a slither of chills and worry went down my arms but then I remembered what my Pastor said at Newlife. These are the birth pains. Things will get bad but in the end when you come back Jesus we're going home to you! I'm sorry if it is selfish of me but I want to go home. To be with you and in eternity of no more pain or suffering. I want my family too to go home Lord and with you I know we will! I read a devotional today where the guy was talking about how we have to let things go and then an intrusive thought entered my mind and I was freaking out because I can't turn my back on you! You are my love! Life! You give me everything that makes me strong and happy in the end so how could I? So inner debate it was! I see it like this: When you truly love someone you never let them go despite that cliche "if you love them let them go." No! You cling to them and ignore and walk away from everyone and everything that tries separating you from your beloved. That's what I am going to do! I love you Jesus: You are my Best friend, parent, sibling, lover, and heart. You are even greater than all those things. So why would I turn on you? I never want to turn on you Lord so please help me with these deceptive thoughts! Please ignite the flame in my heart and make it an eternal fire for you! In your Holiest name: Amen! 

I Love you God, Jesus, Holy Spirit.

Candy.