My Letters to God.

Letter 91

Pride: What a very ugly thing to feel swishing and boiling inside. My pride will be something I will always battle with God but I need to get it through my head that I can't do on my own. And that I need to be like a child again in my faith. As a child I use to believe without 'logic' bombarding my brain. I didn't care who watched me as I sang or danced or even cried until I couldn't breath anymore. I find it hard now to hope, to keep my faith like before and sometimes I think maybe even I'm not a loving person but now that is just ridiculous. Even when all is lost, LOVE remains. You remain and through Your blood Jesus, I have been cleansed of ALL my sins. Does that also mean my future sins? But...I don't know but doesn't that mean trying my best? I don't know Jesus because when people tell me "Jesus already forgive you" I understand that but it makes me feel like I'm abusing your grace. Like I sinned because you forgave me and that's not a pleasant thing. I just thought...I don't even know Lord but I wanted to be perfect for You. Do what You say all in the bible and if I get something wrong like not understand or feeling a certain way then I'm worthless but that's not how it is, is it? I know I can never earn salvation. It's a gift You had to suffer for to give me. I've been abusing Your grace Jesus by taking everything on myself and leaving You out. By letting my emotions get the best of me when I should have been fighting the feelings back by praying to You and knowing that YOU said I am forgiven. That yeah I'm always going to be a mess up but You're going to teach me and prune out the bad weeds in me. You made promises and You always keep them Jesus and my actions lately is like slapping You in the face. I am so sorry Lord. I didn't want to abuse Your grace. I didn't want to take what You did for me for granted but I did by not trusting You. I tried being cheery and productive and strong all on my own but that is not what I was supposed to do. I thought praying to You properly would work but, I'm not even sure what I'm doing. I thought there was a proper way to do things. Pray to You, Worshiping; it all became so confusing because if I didn't get it right then I was doing it wrong and it slandered You. I'm a very paranoid person. Was I focusing too much on what to do and how to do them than just spending time with You Jesus and talking to You? The only things that makes sense is typing these letters to You. Writing everything down on paper. You are my Lord Jesus and I want to be Your good daughter. I can never be perfect; I can't make the right decisions without going brain dead. I am nothing and the least I can do is live for You Jesus and follow You; I ask that You break down this awful pride I have and teach me not to worry but leave things in Your hands Lord. To give the stress to You and put You in all my ways; seek Your counsel and remember that serving You Jesus is an honor, not an obligation. You've given me life Jesus and I don't want to squander it with all these spiritually unhealthy things. All things that keep me from praising You Jesus; break it down Lord and fill me with Your spirit Jesus. Thank You Jesus for sending me to church yesterday Jesus; the worship and praise night was great and it is what I needed. Thank You Jesus for coming down to save me from the chains of sin and the bitterness of my past. I'm going to start slow Jesus instead of trying to bite off more than what I can chew and listen to what You tell me Jesus. And I am thankful Jesus that I fell this low to finally look up and to You Jesus and pray. God; forgive me and help me back up. I also pray for my other siblings going through this. Whether they are reading these letters of ours Jesus or whether they are isolating themselves from those who you use to lead them back. I pray that whatever they are going through and no matter what shape or form it is in that it builds them up. That they don't fall away Jesus. I pray for each and everyone of them that they are safe and that their faith is stronger. You will make us stronger than ever Jesus, God, I know You will Lord. I believe like Job, everything will turn out for the great of good. You said Yourself through the Bible Jesus: When all else fails, Love remains. And also in 2 kings that even the tiniest spark of faith You can make into a consuming fire Jesus. Psalm 46:10 says "Surely He will rescue you from the fowler's snare and the deadly pestilence." You will not let us fall God. We just need to remember that and let You teach us how to breath. Teach me Lord. Help me to humble myself and lift You up. Prune out all the bad You need to Jesus because I want to be a good soldier for You God. I pray for peace and a sound mind for all today. In Jesus name: Amen. 

Candy.
Thank You Jesus for showering truth.