Thoughts are a very dangerous thing and to be all the way completely honest Lord I hate the things that pop in my mind! It's so annoying and I just want to punch the snot out of myself when those thoughts come out. Especially now I was reading something that a friend wrote and I meant to say one thing but another thing came out and I am so sorry! I hate that my mind is vulnerable like this. I'm sorry God but I do hate it. I use to guard my brain constantly and it came easy to hid what I thought and felt on the inside from others. Keep others out but this is up against a human or humans and it's a blow because I tell myself not to worry about it, I pray and then I fight back but the enemy still comes. Lord I never want to walk away from you and I'm sorry for ranting right now and getting angry right now but I just need to vent! I'm angry that I'm like this! I'm angry that I can't seem to get rid of these thoughts or that they come even after I pray and feel confident, or they come when I'm doing the most simple thing as watching tv or reading a book or even writing or thinking of stories to write! It feels like I'm trapped and limited to everything and it just...it bothers me because I feel that you aren't answering because maybe I'm not praying with all my heart...I feel stupid. I look at everyone else and begin to think "Does anyone think these things?" Or "Does anyone question about their lives spiritually?" "Does anyone ever feel condemned or focus on their faith in Jesus? Do they worry or not if they are worthy or strong or do they float with the flow? Let their thoughts not think at all. Do they have all their thoughts under control?" And the most frequent one of all "What is wrong with me?" Am I the demon here...Lord forgive me. Please forgive me. I guess I am starting to feel tired of these games. These thoughts that make me want to scream. I'm tired of myself Lord. Please just purge my mind, rebuke me if you have to just take away these thoughts! I never once thought these things before I gave myself to you but now they seem to try and overtake me and I don't want that! I don't want to go with the devil because he's nothing but a liar! He's a murderer and takes pleasure in the trips I take. Please save me Jesus! You are the only way and I want to stay with you! Forgive me! Forgive me but today I think I will take some of my medication to sleep tonight. Please let me rest...in your holy name Jesus: Amen.
Candy.
YOU ARE READING
My Letters to God.
Spiritual"I feel like I'm going in circles. Like I'm stuck in a cycle and I can't seem to claw my way out of. It's feels like when I found my religion again I started grieving. Like all the things I've ever held in and ignored through others things are final...
