Poems of a Lost Girl

Dearest Lover

It's hard to believe
that after all this time,
I can still
Call you mine.
And after all
The challenges we face
And after every exhausting day,
I may go to a safe place
And know that you will stay.

Regardless of our trials,
Regardless of our losses
Like the hero to a video game
Defeating all the bosses;
It may not be accomplished
On the very first attempt,
But you will keep in fighting
Until you finally win.

We've overcome our anxieties,
Our worries and our fears.
Together through the thick and thin
Together through laughter and tears.
We might not see eye to eye
On almost anything,
But you can bet your sweet ass
For you my lover I'd do anything.

When I am torn,
You stitch me up.
When you are weak,
I lift you up.
When I feel like giving in,
You push me harder towards a win.
When you can't feel
A thing at all,
I will hold you
And give you a spark of life
No matter how small.

Now I look at you
And I see,
The little boy
You used to be.
With curly hair,
Straught teeth
And crooked feet.
And now I see
How much you've grown
And the man you've grown to be,
And I can't help
But to smile
When I see you
In front of me.
Because I see every step
You've ever taken.
And every breath you've ever breathed.
I see every day
You gave up.
And every day
You grieved.
Every time
You lost your spirit,
Everytime
You lost your faith.
Every tear,
And cry of pain
I can still hear it.
I remember when
You through the controller
And yelled
"I can't do it!"
And the next time
You picked it up
I watched you do it.
You'll never know
The pride I felt
So selfishly
As I watched,
You'll never know
The way I glowed
And couldn't help
But laugh.
You thought
I was making fun
But I just couldn't
Hold back. . .

I remember
The day we kissed
Up in that stupid tree.
I'll never forget,
Our very first time
And how you looked at me.
I'll always remember
Every December
You made Christmas
Special for me.
I'll never forget,
Each birthday wish
Or romantic February.
Every little thing,
Every kiss,
Every song,
Every smile.
I'll keep these memories
Locked up tight
And reflect on them
Every once in a while.

Dearest Lover,
Please understand.
I'm a pessimistic,
cynical,
hypocritical mess.
But with you,
I'm better
Than my best.
You've always
Brought out
The best in me,
And I believe
You always
Will.

I've broken hearts,
And shattered dreams.
I'm where happiness
Comes to die.
I am a cheat,
A bitch
And I lie.
I am selfish,
And I am cruel.
I try so hard to forget.
I look in the mirror
And hate myself
For becoming
This wretched prick.

Regardless,
For some reason
God gave me
A chance.
He let you
Into my life
And you filled
It with romance.
You showed me
How to love
Myself
And others too.
You showed me
Its okay to cry
And be depressed
When you need to.
You helped me recover
From everything
Depression
Anxiety
Suicide.
You held me
Through all of it
Its because of you
That I am alive.

I owe you my everything
And I've given you all I have.
If you left me though,
I'd understand.
I pray to God
Every night
You wake up
Loving me.
For if you
Stopped
I don't know
What I would do,
My heart,
Body
Mind
And soul
Is all
In love with you.

You are my everything,
My omnia.
I'd do anything
For you my love
In your name
I would even
Kill.

So please forgive me,
Dearest Lover.
For no one else ever will.