Poems of a Lost Girl

Everything You Own in the Box to the Left.

There’s something I have to get off my chest, air out the sheets, whatever it may be, however it may seem:

I hate you.

But not really, I hate what you did to me.

I hate who you turned me into.

I hate myself for believing you,

for loving you,

wasting all my time.

I hate that I forgave you again,

that I gave you everything,

my body, soul and mind.

I hate that every day I have to look at your stupid face,

and every day at work I’m reminded of all the waste.

I can’t believe you don’t understand how truly upset with you I am.

You try to act like it’s okay, like we just went a different way and ignore this huge state of decay you left me in.

I trusted you, I honestly truely did.

Regardless what you warned me of when we were kids.

I trusted you.

I knew better but that didn’t change and it certainly didn’t keep my heart from becoming your shooting range.

You abused me, do you know that?

Do you even care at all?
Is that why you never answered no matter how many times I’d call?
You took everything from me, my sense of self worth, my security.

You gave it all away and acted like it was my fault that’d I was the one who gone astray.

You abused me.

I told you “I loved you,”

You said “I love her.”

I replied. “I’ll do anything for you.”
You said, “If only I had her.”

I screamed “I’m always here for you, anything you need, I’ll be here when you fall, Just call me.”
You wondered when she’d come around.

Because you were delusional, convinced of a romance that didnt exist and all the while you would pit her against me, my own best friend.

You took your confusion and forced me adside.

You didn’t want the truth you wanted somewhere to hide.

I begged you to come back to me,

I tried to get you to see reality,

I just wanted you to look at her

and realize all you ever needed was me.

You would take me in your arms,

You would pull me to your chest,

You would look into my eyes and tell me all I wanted to hear.

For that very moment I waited.

Year after year,

after year.

That day never came,

Soon I grew cold.

I wanted you less, because you wanted her more.

I  still wanted you to realize I was what you were looking for.

But it never happened.
I was drained.

YOu took everything from me and our relationship was strained.

I couldn’t help you no matter how hard I tried.

Then that fateful night occured.

You committed an unforgivable crime.

but all you could think about was how she would hate you.

Not the one you just tortured,

No not me.

You cried your self to sleep thinking.

While my heart was breaking.

You were so blinded, so stupid, so cruel.

You didn’t ven realize you’d made me a fool.

A rag doll,

a tool.

A weapon to get you off.

You failed me, you failed her and then you became lost.

I STILL FORGAVE YOU

I still tried,

Though night after night I’d think of you and cry.

You didn’t care, you weren’t there. you would never even see me.

That’s why I hate you,

Why I ignore you when you speak to me.

Because you broke me heart and never even apologized.

Time after time I believed all your lies.

I forgave all your crimes,

I got lost in your eyes.

I loved you but you never loved me.

You wanted somewthing i never could be and You’re stupid for that.

If i’m being totally honest, you’re an idiot for foresaking me,

I hope you remember that well,

I  will no longer bring you water as you burn in hell.

I tried to soothe you but you pushed me away,

someday you’ll regret that.

Some day. you. will. pay.

Your judgement day is coming and I am so sorry.

I couldn’t be her but don’t you worry.

She doesn’t want you either and she knows what you’ve done.

So enjoy your loneliness, I sure hope it’s fun.

I know you won’t remember me when it’s all said and done.