Poems of a Lost Girl

Never again

I don’t know what to say,

I feel like a huge chunk of me has been forcabily ripped out and thrown onto the ground yet all I can do is stare at it without any other reaction besides;

“Ouch.”   

I just don’t understand, I guess.

I thought that what we had was so special, I thought that I was important to you, I thought that you cared however I obviously thought wrong.

I poured my heart and soul into everything I did for you, I gave you every part of me until there was nothing, nothing left at all, still I GAVE YOU MORE.

How is it possible that you can look at someone who has sacrificed everything for you and still be ungrateful to them?
It leaves me feeling as if I did something wrong.

Maybe I was too impatient, perhaps two months wasn’t long enough to make an impact.

Or could it be that I was different somehow then what you had imagined, did I not live up to expectations?
I suppose it could be a number of things, or even nothing at all in particular.

It could just be that you are a huge, childish, dickhead.

That’s the one that makes the most sense to me, because otherwise I just don’t get it.

You see, I gave you everything you bastard, I gave you my heart, soul, body, and mind. I gave you my money, my talent, my home, my things, my food and energy.

Who comforted you when you were all alone? Who picked up all your messes and made it all better? Who was there for you when everyone else left you? Who had your back and believed in you when no one else did?

I supported you in everything you did even when I knew better, I gave you advice when I thought you were off the beaten trail, followed up with a gentle hand to guide you back.

I was always, always, always ALWAYS there for you.

I loved you so much it ached, I thought about you constantly you always filled my mind, I would find you in songs, in movies, in everything.

I was so in love with you I didn’t even realize what you were doing to me.

The craziest part is, I loved you so much I did it all for free.

I never asked for anything in return.

Probably because I knew better, I knew you wouldn’t give me anything back.

All I ever wanted was your love.

But you gave your heart to everyone who never gave a damn about you instead, the saddest part is at the first chance to leave me you always took it. You never even fought to keep me, because you didn’t want me, I meant nothing to you and it has taken me seven goddamn years to see that.

I gotta say I am heart broken, really I am.

I never thought anything could l  , although I can’t lie, I sort of saw this coming.

I Gotta say, you really fooled me, oh man did you get me good. But I am not stupid, I saw the cracks starting to form, I saw the look in your eyes. You didn’t love me, I could feel that in your touch, hear that in your voice. It wasn’t love no matter how you try to slice it.

Even with all that evidence I chose to have faith, to believe that you were just going through a phase and it would all be back to normal in due time. However I was wrong oh so wrong. . . Having to treat you like a stranger, kick you out of my house, it’s been hell.