Can't do it

Chapter 14

During the week Toby stayed with us I made him stay in my bed for the most part because I didn't want him to get hurt anymore than he actually was, he was clumsy so it was possible. Although he was able to move around his arm was still in a cast for a couple of months. "Are you sure you're okay going home? I could walk you home. It's no trouble for me at all" Toby was going home and things were still a bit weird, he didn't fully trust me yet which honestly I wouldn't either if I was him, but it was annoying as hell. "I'm sure, Rei" he was reassuring me but having trouble with his backpack. I picked up his backpack and put it on. "I'm coming" I stated and walked outside.

Toby sighed and carefully put his jacket on and followed me outside. I took the hand that wasn't injured and laced our fingers together. He smiled but the smile soon faded "What is it" I was trying to keep calm but I was getting annoyed. "It's just harder than I expected...forgiving you for lying to me, I don't blame you for my accident but I don't really know... I love you more than you know... but how do I trust you again..." he let his voice fade at the last word and his fingers unlaced with mine leaving the cold to seep in and make my hand cold

"Toby I'm sor-" "you can only say sorry so many times, rei" he interrupted me "what do I do!" I let my voice raise "I love you too but I want to hold you again without you thinking that I think of that woman, I thought of doing that with you so much Toby, I thought about you the entire time I was with that abomination, I got money to last me longer than last time, I'll get a job at a restaurant if you want, I told you I finished that job." My voice wavered as tears threatened to fall. "I love you Toby" I say reaching for him. He flinched away. "I need time... I know we solved the problem on that day but I was hyped up on pain pills, I didn't know...I want you to stay with me because I love you too... just give me time to heal." he says taking his back pack and I let him.

Before he could say another word I dashed back to my house, passing it, passing a few more blocks before ending up at an empty park. I let out a frustrated yell and tears fell down from my face onto my thick hoodie. "You seem troubled" a familiar voice from behind me jumped me back to reality. I slowly turned to see her, which made me want to cry more but she hugged me, in an attempt to comfort me, and I hugged her back. "I hurt him... I always hurt people" she pet the back of my head, playing with the little hairs. "You never hurt me Raiden" she said sickeningly sweet "That's because you beat me to it, Hazel"

After I calmed down on the bench Hazel brought us some sodas from the vending machine at the park, and I told her what happened "so he's upset with you? or just can't trust you?" she was slow at retaining things "a little of both" and I was just sad at the moment. She pulled two cigarettes and her lighter and gave one to me, and lit it for me. "Thanks" I said, blowing it out. "Don't mention it" she said breathing death in "You don't suppose I could be his replacement do you?" she asked it like it was just something normal "um, no. No one can replace Toby, because He's the only one I need, why would you even ask something like that? You're the one who dumped me all those years ago, breaking my heart." I said looking away and flicking the ash off.

She shrugged "That was the past and this is now, I'm different" she was trying to be innocent which any straight guy would have probably been drooling after the innocent bad girl, but all it made me think of was Toby's innocent face, and his eyes filled with actual innocence. I giggled a little bit and Hazel gave me a weird look "Rei, you've gotten softer since Toby" she was trying to get me riled up, but all I did was go back to a straight face with dull eyes and looked into her fear filled eyes "who's the soft one?" I said in monotone "N-N-No one Rei" I furrowed my eye brows "Don't call me that." I got up and put out my little death role. "good night, Hazel, thank you for listening" I walked back to my house, leaving Hazel at the cold park.

When I got home, the house was dark and a note was on the table 'I figured something happened and either you went to Toby's house or you went to a friends to blow off steam, lemme tell you. your uke is always right, doesn't matter if they're wrong, they're right. - Derek P.S. Your dad is right, also there is dinner in the microwave, just heat it up. love you~ Shawm.' I smiled and pressed one on the microwave not even caring what was on the plate and texted Toby 'you're right, you're always right. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have lied. I promise, no more lies, I love you and sleep well my prince' the microwave made a large beeping sound and I rushed to it before it could make another sound and wake up my family.

there was corn, mashed potatoes, and chicken "classic dinner?" I asked myself before eating it. I washed my plate after eating all of what was on the plate and went upstairs to my empty room "" It feels weird, this room being empty. This is what it will be like all the time when Toby leaves you"" I ignored the voice and went to my bed, ploped down, and close my eyes waiting for sleep ""You aren't promised forever with him."" I rolled over and sighed I know.

I had a dream of Toby, as usual, but this time it was about a break up, so a bad dream, a very bad nightmare . I don't want to break up, I love him.

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I'm sorry the chapter is a bit short but I'm soooo tired and I'll write more next time ^~^ so I hope you enjoyed this one, and that I pulled on your feelz, mwahahaha I'm evil.