Can't do it

Chapter 13 I'm not Going Anywhere

I waited in the waiting room...that's what it's for... obviously, but jokes aside, I'm nervous as hell. My lovely Toby was being taken care of and I was waiting for his doctor to come out with some sort of news. I read some books that were on my phone, that Danny put on there for herself, and I was glad that I take my charger every where I go. I had Shawn bring clothes for me and then I told him to go back home to rest, and that I'd stay there and wait for Toby. I was wearing my hoodie, jeans, a black five finger death punch shirt because it was bigger on me I usually used it for pajamas but Shawn didn't know that so he grabbed it. I of course had my choker on, I never took it off anymore, even in the shower.

Finally the doctor came out with some news. As he walked over to the waiting room I stood up and met him half way "Toby?" I asked, my voice dripping with worry. He gave a small smile "His arm is broken, a few fractured ribs, a few scratches, and hes still unconscious for the moment but he should be up in a few hours or days. He did better than we thought he would, most people suffer from worse from the same accident, so in a way he's very lucky" I let a shaky breath, I didn't know I was holding, out "May I see him?" I asked. The doctor looked uncertain for a moment "He's my boyfriend" I added hoping that it would change something, and I was right, he gave another small smile and nodded his head, making a motion to fallow him and led me to Toby's room.

He laid there on the bed, his beautiful eyes closed and his breathing even once again, his arm in a sling. He looked so peaceful, I wanted to kiss him and have him wake up pinching my cheek saying "this is neither the time or place" as he usually did when I kissed him in public, but then wrap his arms around me, pulling me closer. But I knew that wasn't what would happen if I kissed him. I sat at the chair next to his bed and leaned my head on his lap. My tears soaked a part of the blanket that covered his legs "T-Toby I'm s-so sorry" I couldn't stop saying sorry and I cried myself to sleep, on his lap.

When I woke up the next morning it felt like last night was a dream, a long long dream, but when I lifted my head and saw my peaceful Toby in his bandages, a tear slipped down my cheek, I knew it couldn't have been a dream "I'm always hurting those who get close to me... Toby how could I think I wouldn't do the same to you... how could you stay with something like me?" I cried harder than I did the night before, placing my head on his lap again.

"Because my love for you blinds all your flaws" I felt a soft hand lacing itself in my longer part of my hair. I jolted my head up to see Toby out of reflex yank his hand back. I grabbed his hand, the uninjured one, brought it to my lips, and kissed it. "oh Toby, I thought I'd lost you last night." I said looking into his beautiful eyes, but instead of the innocence I usually see, they seemed angry, no that's an understatement, they burned with anger "oh you are so not off the hook yet, Raiden."

Oh god, he used my name, my first name, he never ever uses my first name. "ummmm?" I seemed to be a bit lost which caused him to be a tad more angry "You told me you quit that stupid job! And the one day I go out to town since forever, I see my boyfriend stumbling out of some woman's house that I don't even know! You even had the audacity to come out with your clothes all messed up! So don't go feeling relieved now young man!" I had to laugh, it was a very serious talk that yes even I took serious but his cute face, and the fact he called me young man as if he were older than me "just what do you think your laughing at?" he asked trying to continue to be serious but failing, and smiling

"Young man? babe we both know I'm older! Plus I love it when you're mad at me, you look too cute"I say smirking and slowly coming up to his face "you may be older in age but it's a whole new world when it comes to mentality" he asked with the whole 'you know I'm right' smile " True" I say inching closer, glancing at his lips. He got the hint and inched closer too "Very true" he said hardly above a whisper "ALRIGHTY!" We jumped apart to see the doctor "I know you two are lovers but this is a hospital." he said chuckling and one of the nurses poked her head in "so can you just not? Is what he's trying to say, but the rest of us are saying, Just kiss him already!" she left without another word. I turned to Toby to give him a quick peck on the lips but without my knowing he had a hold of my hand and when I went to back away he pulled me back into yet another but more passionate kiss "okay okay i have a job to do, you two" he said shooing me to the corner where another chair sat and he mumbled "young love~" as if he was really old, but honestly he looked not a day over 24.

When he was finished he told Toby that it would be a good idea to stay over at my place for a week just in case anything happened, because Toby's family was always somewhere else. We are so lucky it's spring break, or we'd be missing a lot of school. I texted Shawn asking if he could bring spare clothes, and come to pick us up, which he gladly did, kissing Toby's forehead asking if he was okay and Toby answered he was.

We got Toby dressed and ready to move in for a week which was making me nervous, he's never stayed over that long. Of course when we got up to my room he closed my door, not that it's unusual for us to do that, but he sat on my floor looking up at me "Tell me why you lied to me" he said pretty monotone which scared the shit outta me, he may have been small but when he wanted he could be pretty scary. "I wanted to get more money, to take you out on dates..." I started "bullshit! he practically shouted, but he couldn't because of his fractured ribs, which were already looking like they were going to heal nicely. "You could have gotten a job at McDonald's if it was just for a date! is it because I won't do it with you until we graduate? Is it my fault!?" warm tears fell down his red cheeks leaving a trail of damp saltiness.

I got down to his level and wiped away the tears "No, no no no baby no never was it ever your fault, don't think like that. No it's not because we haven't had the frickle frackle," I got a weird look for using that word for the first time in front of him but it didn't bother me at the moment "In fact I also want to wait until graduation because I don't want to hurt you, and I want to show you that I don't just want you for that. I treasure you Toby, you are my everything"

He cried more which made tears drip down my face. I kissed him passionately "Rei, promise you won't lie to me again, or do that anymore. Please stay by my side" he asked quietly as we cuddled "Toby, I swear I won't lie to you anymore, I quit after that day because all I needed was that last score, and Toby?" he hummed and looked up. I kissed him softly and told him "I'm not going anywhere."