Can't do it

Chapter 3 Bad Boy Raiden

      A/N sorry bout the lateness...enjoy

     I pulled out a cigarette and lit it breathing in the horrid smoke into my lungs and breathing it out again. "Smoking is bad for you" Toby whispered "does it look like I care" I asked taking another drag and he shook his head "about our project...." He began. 
     We talked about our project for all of lunch and even on the way to class and after a few times he stopped telling me to quit smoking. When we went to class Jacob and the other guys where there and the teacher wasn't which meant trouble for me "welcome back faggot" I gave him a sharp glare "the fuck you say to me?" I asked him in a voice that seemed to make the entire class step back one, but not Jacob "I called you a faggot you faggot" he sneered at me. Before I knew what I was doing, my  fist connected with his cheek and sent him to the ground holding his jaw.
      He got up and kicked me in the stomach and grabbed my hair, pulling my face next to his. "Listen faggot, you may think your so tuff, but your just a wimp I mean you can't even kill yourself correctly, how many times does that make this? 5?" He growled in my face making me gag on his foul  breath. I heard Toby gasp "" he didn't know! Now he knows he's gonna run, so much for having friends raiden, all that's left is me and our dark thoughts that I get to plant in your brain"" the voices Echoed and I shouted "get out get out get out! Shut up shut up shut up! Leave me alone already!" I yelled pushing Jacob off of me, swipe one of my legs under his causing him to fall on his butt and I put my shoe on his face "enough!" The teacher shouted walking into the room. I had blood dripping from my nose and out of the corner of my mouth, Jacob just cut his lip and bruised his butt.
    "Both of you, office, now!" She said pushing us out, I stole a look at Toby and he looked scared but not of me, for me, I could see it in his eyes ""he doesn't care for you"" the voice said, but I just brushed it off and went to the office.
      The principle was a strange guy, he was a short fat guy who was too nice. "You two were fighting again. I should suspend you two but I'll just have you be janitors after school for a week." He said handing us a chocolate I just shrugged accepting the job and eaton the candy. Jacob on the other hand was out raged. "I will not work at the school with that FAGGOT" he practically yelled faggot in my face as I nomed on the chocolate with a blank expression the principle was baffled by Jacobs language in the office "m-mr. Yama p-please lower your v-voice and d-don't use that language" he mumbled  and I chuckled "I'll clean, the whole week." I said grabbing another chocolate before leaving the office with a yelling Jacob Yama and frightened from Jacob , principle.
       While I walked back to class a small boy ran into me causing him to fly back and me to stumble back. "Whoa there" I said helping him up "oh hi raiden" I looked at him to see Toby's face "hey Toby" I said trying to seem cool "I'm glad I ran into you actually. Here" he handed me a slip of paper "it's my number and email, feel free to message me on either when you would like to meet up for the project" he continued. I shoved the paper in my pocket next to my phone and grabbed his arm as he was about to run off "h-how about today, after school. Your place?" I asked boldly and it made him blush "s-s-sure, b-but I h-have to s-s-study" he stuttered with ever stutter he blushed more "I have to be a janitor so hopefully we'll be done at the same time" I said and he agreed
     I added him into my contacts as 'nerd' because he looked like one. ""You need to stop being around him"" the voice was back so I decided to confront it in my mind, I set my head down on the desk and spoke to it in my head. 'I have to be around him for a project' I thought to the voice ""you'll fall for him"" it said back
'No I won't, besides I'm not gay'
"" you might be. If you fall you'll get more broken""
' I'm not going to be more broken because I'm not going to fall.'  I was getting frustrated
""Gay faggot. You'll realize it when your with him for so long that you really do love him and you'll get hurt and then we can finally die""
'Look I'm not gay. I don't love Toby. I will die, just not... At the moment' I said back ignoring all the hate I was receiving from the voice.
     I woke up as the last bell rang and put my stuff in my bag and slinging it over my shoulder and headed down to the janitors closet, meeting the janitor there "you'll be making my job easy for a week." He said laughing. I chuckled and nodded "hey maybe even after this week" he looked at me confused "I might ask for a job here, part time at least" I said faking a smile "at 15?" He asked and I nodded "you'd be surprised at what I've done just for 15" I said trying not to hint at what I really did do for money.
     He gave me a uniform and hat to put my hair in and showed me how to clean most of things. I learn quickly so it was no problem for me but when Jacob decided to show up he made the guy go over it more that three times so he could understand. A couple of times I had to demonstrate because the janitor got tired of repeating it and Jacob glared at me the whole time with pure hatred every time I demonstrated and after would click his tongue and call me a teachers pet.
      We finished early because Jacobs mom came to pick him up and the janitor had to leave because his wife had good news for him, his child was a boy, I was happy for him. Since we finished early I sent a message to my foster mom, she was under ma 'ma i don't think I'll be home for dinner, I'll be back later tho' I never spell tho the right way. I went to the front of the school and waited for Toby, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, breathing in its toxins. 'Okay be safe and try to stop smoking' ma messaged back which made me chuckle.
       I waited for a while for Toby and ended up having four cigarettes before he finally showed up "have you been waiting long?" He asked when he arrived, taking notice to the cigarette buds "ah that answers my question" he said "let's go" he finished and started walking. "So Toby who do you live with?" I asked trying to start a conversation "with my mom, dad, and sister. I used to have a brother but he died in a car crash." He said and I mumbled a sorry. "My mom and dad are working and my sister texted me telling me she's on a date and then studying at a friends. By the way, who do you live with?" He said looking at me "oh me? Um... Foster parents and a few kids" I said. It wanting to say much about how I live and why I lived like how I do.
        Toby kept trying to get me to talk about my foster home and why u lived there but I refused to talk about it "look Toby your good kid, really you are, but I don't want to talk about my past with you at least at this moment. Maybe one day if we actually become friends but we're not and I don't want to." I said as we stopped in front of a small Brown house.
         He nodded and opened the gate so we could go to his front door, then he took out a key to open his door "I'm home" he called out "pardon my intrusion" I mumbled entering with him. He took off his shoes at the door way so I did the same then he grabbed my arm and tugged me upstairs to a bedroom. He flung open the door and sat me on a bed "stay" he ordered me like I was I dog so I barked which earned me a sharp glare from his beautiful bright blue eyes 'beautiful?' I asked myself.
     I examined the room I was thrown into. It had a big queen sized bed that took up most of the room but the one thing that took up the rest of the room was a computer and desk. There was a little walk way from the door to the bed and to the closet but it was cramped with books. There were some posters on the wall but it was mostly of math and science stuff.
       Toby came back with two iced tea cans and some chips "would you not inspect my room?" He asked annoyed which shocked me "mr. Toby isn't using his manners? Mr. Goody goody? I'm shocked" I faked being  too shocked ""don't get to close"" the voice cautioned but I brushed it off focusing on Toby. Toby apologized for not being polite and I laughed at his embarrassment, honestly, it was kinda cute...
        I drank my iced tea and had a few chips while he sat at his computer focusing on our project "there is a laptop under my pillow, grab it and the password is science. Get on Google and sign onto your school email and then we can work on the project together" he instructed "please" he added.
       We worked on the project for a few hours before we had to take a break. I looked out of the window and it was dark "it's getting late." I noted and Toby agreed "wanna have dinner here?" He suggested and I shrugged "sure why not, I need a smoke first" I said getting up and so did he "c-can I come with?" He asked hesitantly. I stared at him for a moment before realizing he was serious. "Sure, will your parents mind if I smoke in front of their house?" I asked and he shook his head "probably. Don't you go to a special place? I heard rumors you go to a bridge" he said nervously, I knew he was nervous because he wouldn't look at me. "Yea I go to my bridge where my dad and sister crashed and died" I said with a blank expression "your dad and sister died?" He asked 'crap too much info' I thought ' too late, better explain myself' ""no don't tell anyone!"" The voice yelled but I pushed it back "yea" I said " my dad and little sister were crossing the bridge during winter and they slipped and crashed off. My dad died on impact and my sister drowned." I said looking down "let's go am ill tell you more about myself if you wanna know. " I said walking out of his room down stairs to put my shoes on. He followed asking small questions "how tall are you? How old are you? What's your eye color? Do you have a girlfriend? Are you gay" i answered the questions while I put my shoes on and we started walkin to my bridge " I'm 5'8, I'm 15, my eye color is dark brown, I use to have a girlfriend but not anymore, I don't know if I'm gay or not honestly." When I finished answering the questions we made it to the bridge. "Okay, ready to know about bad boy raiden?" I asked and he blushed "teach me about the bad boy raiden" he mumbled looking away, making me blush.