Façade

You Gave My Life Color

Killua's POV
Darkness enclosed me like it used to do in the old days. But oddly I found it a bit comforting. The stillness, the quiet eerie silence and the stability. Nothing ever changes when your in the dark. Time flys and yet you don't know, your pains just becoming numb to your nerves, no longer able to feel them, remember them. It was different from when I was outside with them. With her. Being with them was constant change and forget about stability when you're with her. So this was quite different from my normal routine. I just had to sit here and do nothing. I sat on my ridiculously enormous bed, hands supporting my chin while looking down on the vibrant city lights. There was a dip in the bed and I knew it was Kalluto. She was my only source of comfort these days. She leaned against me and smiled. I tried returning her smile but she frowned, silently warning me not to fake. I heaved a sigh and returned to my job, staring at nothing in particular. I don't know why I'm surrounded by stubborn people. Kalluto just won't leave me alone and tries her best to make me feel at home. "You spoke with dad?"
I slowly shook my head. I wasn't ready to face even one of them.
She sighed and let her full weight fall on my shoulder, the tips of her chopped black hair tickling my neck. It instilled a feeling of total calmness in my being when something familiar and comforting was right next to me, even if I felt like shit. She nudged me and I looked at her pink eyes, which had this sad undertone to them that I really was not used to. It made my heart cringe and self loathing slapped me across the face. "I'm sorry" I mumbled without looking at her. It was just too overwhelming looking into her eyes. No it was just outright painful.
"Sorry for what?" She said in that nonchalant way that I was again not used to. Just how much changed?
"Sorry for leaving without you. I should have taken you away with me. But I just ran away alone because of my cowardice" Silence filled the room like a quite foreboding. She removed her head from my shoulder and faced me, her pink eyes assessing me and contemplating what to say. She ran her fingers through her short black hair gave me a small smile. "You know Oni-chan... It's fine. It's already in the past. And I never once hated you. You needed to get away from this place. It was tying you down and dragging you into the deep darkness that the Zoaldicks are well known of. I was fine here. Maybe it was not dandy and merry.. But this is enough. It's helped me a lot. To come to terms with Alluka Nee-chan's death and to accept my family for what they are. I'm not saying what happened was the right thing to do but... I've learned to accept things instead of fighting against it" Her tone was not spiteful at all. It was just a little sad. It could have been different. We would have all gone to a regular school instead of being home schooled in this empty and cold place about things that were taught to us just because we were born into this cursed family. A lot people want the luxury. But they don't know the curse that comes along with it that can destroy a persons very core. They are cursed to live with the loneliness, it's always like a ghost lurking in the darkest shadows. And of course the heartache, the betrayal, the facades. It's all an endless baggage that's added to that luxury. We just wanted to be normal. And look what we get for wishing such a forbidden thing?
She nudged my shoulder and I snapped out of reverie. She frowned, not approving of the fact that I was in my own little world. "How was it? Outside"
Without my consent, a tiny smile took over my lips as I recalled all the times I fooled around with Gon, the alone time I spent with Lynn, and the stupid glaring matches I had with Jienna. It all seemed like the distant past, so far away and out of reach. Like a mirage floating at the darkness behind my eyes. But... It was real. I felt them. I was most alive when I was with them. The emotions that slowly arose in my heart when I got to know her, the experimental touches, the nerve racking guilt, the depthless emotion the had threatened to consume me. What was that emotion called again?
"It was...." I paused. I looked out of the window into the city lights that never seemed to go out. The endless light surrounded and embraces the city but never once gave some of its inhabitants peace. But... I think it tries. It tries it's best. "It was...." It gives you a chance. It gives you the necessities. But it's always your choice to take it or not. And me? I just came running back to my own hell.
I used to hate this city. It was nothing but gray skies, filled with ignorant and obnoxious people who wanted to use me. But then... I met them. They gave me meaning, they gave me a purpose, they taught me emotions, they taught me to be a teenager, they taught me to trust and to find love. They brought colour to my monotonous world. Lynn brought a little black, scarlet. But also reminded me of the blue of the skies, the freedom of choice. Gon brought greenery, full of fresh things and endless laughter. And Jienna brought in yellow and deep red. Her loneliness and anger. But also a hint of pink. Compassion. So many colors into such a dull and colorless life. "It was..."
My vision blurred and I slowly turned away, slow memories of all of them, of us, playing at the back of my blurred eyes.
"Your such an idiot!!! I'm not a kid you know"
"We're beautiful now right?"
"Of course I'm here for her"
Before I knew it, hot tears flowed down my face, no sound escaping my now parted lips, my body slowly trembling.
"It was....colorful"
"Then why did you come back?"
"Because I hurt someone"
"That girl who is accused of murdering her own parents?"
I furiously rubbed my tears away and looked at her. She didn't acknowledge my tears in the slightest and I was grateful. "Ya"
She smiled a little turns away.
"I thought you fell in love"
I turned away from the city light and from her and went back to staring to the empty walls of the room.
"I.. Don't think so"
"Oni-chan. You would never sacrifice this much for a person you didn't feel strongly for. Maybe not love. But... You certainly felt strong feelings for her"
She leaned against me once again and stared at the plain old wooden door. "Don't let Illumi nii-chan control your feelings"
Control my feelings huh? But what he said was right. No one would hurt the person they had loved. But I did. I hurt her. I still remember her hot tears descending from her sky blue eyes which had lot their spark. I had made her loose that spark.
"But I still hurt her" I buried my hands in my hair and felt like screaming my throat out. But Kalluto was still here. "I-"
"Oni-chan. Sometimes we hurt the people we love. But that doesn't mean you don't love them. You hurt her at the expense of hurting yourself right?"
She smiled and crawled over and faced me properly face to face. "I know you Oni-chan. You don't hurt yourself for just anyone. Maybe you're still defining what it means. Or maybe you're just finding it hard to accept, but you feel something towards her, and you shouldn't throw that away"
"She probably hates me now"
"Are you gonna give up that easily?"
She gave me a small smirk and I slowly let out a chuckle. "No. I don't think I will. I might not know what to call these emotions and I may not deserve love from her after what I did. But I will help her in whatever way I can"
"That's the spirit"
XXX
Jienna's POV
"That was a pretty lousy lie to say. I mean if he was a gonna be a dick of a father I don't see the point of him trying to be a replacement for the role of a father. Well I shouldn't be the one to talk. My dad ignored me for a long time" Gon and I were currently seated in his room talking about the random events that happened during the day. He told me about Lynn. But I never asked him anything more than that. He's not gonna know anyway. And I felt that I first needed to explain my outburst to him first. So here we were sitting in Gon's room talking about me. "Well at least your dad realized his mistake and is trying to make it up to to you"
"Ya. But the point is that he's not your real dad. It shouldn't bother you much"
"Ya but... He's been around for so long... I just... Even though I hated him somewhere deep inside I felt that maybe one day he would acknowledge my existence you know? But now I know he was just doing it as a favor for my mom, I know that will never happen. Cause I was just a favor."
"Don't tell me you feel like you've never had anything your entire life or anything like that"
"No!! I'm not gonna go all depressed on you ok? I'm just venting so allow me to do that without talking for a bit"
"Sadly I'm not really good at that" he said with a good natured laugh, scratching the back of his head. "Even though you say your venting you look sad" he looked at me with concerned chocolate eyes and I looked down unable to meet them myself. Of course I was a little sad. I mean I didn't know what to do from here on out. It was like all the hate had left me and all that was left was an empty and confused shell, not knowing what to feel. "I'm not sad. I'm just confused" I said in a whisper, a sad smile directed at him. "I don't know what to feel now that there's no hate" his chocolate eyes lit up and immediately there was a spark. I drew in a sharp breath through my mouth as a large smile covered his face. "That's easy!! What do you feel when you're with me?"
"What?" I'm sure my face was heating up as if someone had lit me on fire. I sat costs legged on the bed like him and avoided his eyes which were obviously awaiting my reply. "C'mon!! Tell me!!" I took a deep breath and said "Happy" and then I realized it. Whenever I was with Gon, with them, I was happy. Maybe some depressing times, but I was mostly happy. He took my bandaged hand into his gentle hands and stared at it with an expression I couldn't decipher. "Now that the hate is gone, this is the good part. You get to be filled with another feeling all together. A much better feeling than hate"
When I cocked an eyebrow at him he elaborated. "You're the kind of person who takes in emotions that are being thrown at them 'cause your confused about your own feelings or you just don't want to feel anything for the person in question 'cause you don't want to hurt them further. Now that you let the emotion you've felt for so long go, you can take in a new emotion that I'm going to give you"
He came closer to me and I instinctively leant back. He looked at my puzzled eyes and then smiled and kissed my bandaged arm. "Love"
My heart was probably going to jump out of my chest and a volcano was probably going to erupt from my head.
What did he just say?
"Did you just say that you love me?" I asked in a slow whisper. "Of course!!" He answered in a cheery tone, with a wide smile on his face. "And it's not only me. I mean Lynn loves you and Killua does to. Even though he's not here to say it"
"Oh.." Something deflated in my chest and I suddenly wanted to punch Gon in the face. I mean I know he was trying to help me and what he said really did. But the fucking way he said it. I took a deep breath and calmed my angry emotions with a smile. "Thanks for consoling me. And ... Thanks for being here" he nodded slowly and got up from the bed. "Well I'll go and make us something to eat" he exited the room and I fell against the bed, my eyes scanning the ceiling and palms touching my hot face. Why the hell was I disappointed?
XXX
Lynn's POV
I thrust the diary in Leorio's hands and flipped to the last page, showing him of all the company CEO's that her father had murdered. Her mom had done a lot of research. I had realized that there was no use in waiting. What was it worth anyway? It's not like I had the time. Killua was hurting because of me and now I'm hurting as well. An endless cycle of hurting just because of the wrongdoings of one man. I had spent the past few hours, telling Leorio about our theories of Lilianna possibly being alive and that night with Illumi. Kurapika and Sienna were quiet the whole time, not wanting to open their mouth. Leorio flipped through the pages of the diary and gave me a stare. "Are you sure about this?" I gave him a strained smile. "It can't be helped. I'm not gonna gain anything from hiding it from you. In just going to delay the whole progress anyway. And hurt a lot of people" I shot a silent look at Sienna, who was clenching her fists and Kurapika who was staring off into the distance. "Just use the info that my mom gave."
"I will. But from whatever you told me just now, my suspicion on the Zoaldick's has strengthened. But we just can't find any solid evidence. We even searched the entire company under a search warrant. But nothing turned up. I'm sorry if you have high hopes of your sister being alive. We don't find anyone there"I sighed and shook my head. "Forget it. We need to focus on getting evidence. And try harder" sometimes I just fell like pulling my hair out. Ok. Lynn. One at a time. No more regrets. I want to see the whole picture. "Ok then. I'll process the info and try getting clues. Need to meet up with Biscuit" And with that Leorio left the house quietly.
I turned towards Sienna and Kurapika. "You both want to say something to me?"
"Yes"
"No!!" Both of them said at the same time. They glared at each other and Sienna won by the looks of it and she sat facing me. "What do you want to know?" She said quietly.
"My mom mentioned in the diary that you and my dad talked a lot in private. What were you two doing?"
She sucked in a breath and Kurapika looked at her, eyes filled with pain. For her. "You don't have to say it" he mumbles softly. "Well I'm done running away from my past" she looked at me eyes filled with determination and a sudden coldness that chilled me to the bone. "He just asked me a favor. He asked me to kill some CEO's"
My eyes widened as Sienna continued her story. From the very beginning.
Sienna's POV
I was covered with grime. I couldn't remember the last time me and my brother had decent food and a decent bath. Nothing but rags were draped over our thin and fragile 11 and 13 year old bodies. I felt the darkness dragging me down but my brother kept pushing me forward forcing my tired legs down dark and desolate streets. If we passed out here, we'd be prey. And my brother had always told me that it's better to be the hunter than the hunted. But before I could register what was happening I had blacked out.
.....
I'd felt more filthy than I was when I was walking. Sticky liquid clung to my dirty arms and a pungent odor made itself present. My mind told me not to open my eyes, but I had to. The Scene I saw before me made my heart jump out of my chest. My brother was standing over a heap of corpses, covered in blood and knife in hand. His golden eyes glistened with fear and something else that made her want to sink into the soft embraces of darkness. Excitement. I had never seen that look on his face, but now she had and it had frightened her. He had always told her that he would protect her. And she had always believed in him. Is this what Hisoka would become if he keeps protecting her? She crawled to the side and picked up a blood breached knife and cringed, hands shaking and tears running down my face. "Anna. It's better to be the hunters than to be hunted" he said one more time as he drew a breath and plunged his knife into the man that was running towards him. Yes. I had finally understood. The Hunter had control while the prey can only sit there and await death. I refuse to be like that. And so I stabbed, killed, screamed, bit, hit, scratched at my enemies just because I wanted control. And I didn't want to give up my life just yet. And all that while I cried. For the people I wounded, for the people I killed, and most of all, the eleven and thirteen year olds who died that day, with bloodied bodies surrounding them. We had killed our innocent selves that day. The first the thing my brother ever taught me, was how to be a murderer.
......
A lot of years passed. And both of us had changed. Hisoka started to kill for fun now. And I had become emotionless. We were living in an unheard, poor and shady town so nobody ever knows or cares about random killings in the area. They were all practically waiting death to come and collect their pitiful souls. And the select few who thrived on fights were Hisoka's meals. Life had become bland, predictable. But something changed that.
They showed up when Sienna was 16. And Hisoka was 19.
Ryo and Lauren. At first they just stopped by their town for food, but I had come into contact with Lauren, while getting said food. Well, stealing said food. She had wanted to be my friend. But I was emotionless and closed off. I hardly trusted anyone except myself and my brother. But she wormed through all of my walls and I even threatened to kill her. But she just smiled and said,"Do it if it gives you happiness"
Her response frightened and surprised me. Me and my brother had always lived on the principle of 'think only for yourself. Live only for yourself' and this person was just ready to die for some strangers sake? When I had asked her why she had simply replied by saying 'Because your my friend'
Such simplicity and that ticked me off. I even tried it. I put a knife to her throat. But she didn't even flinch. She just stared at me with determined black eyes and I felt something in my dead heart. Acceptance. She knew I had killed. She knew my hands were not clean. And yet this person was willing to accept my and call me something as simple and endearing as a friend. So simple yet so fulfilling. 'You can always start over' she said with a simple and plain smile and for the first time in a while, I felt the flickering of emotions writhing my heart.
I wanted a second chance
.........
I left that dead town. With them. I had asked my brother to come with me, but he just chuckled and said he wouldn't fit in with all these 'normal' people. And he was what he was. Nothing could change that. He had also told me that I couldn't change as well. No matter how much I try I would always have that bloodlust. That urge to kill. But I dismissed him and left anyway.
.........
They were living the dream. Lauren and Ryo. They started their dream company and were happily married. It was a dream come true for them. And I was happy seeing Lauren smile and help different people everyday. But something was wrong with Ryo. He kept stressing over things, saying the company wasn't popular enough. But Lauren was happy with what little she could provide.
But Ryo wasn't convinced. And that's how it started to crack. The perfect image. My second chance. It all spiraled down into total nothingness. I knew something was wrong when Ryo pulled me aside one evening when Lauren was out with some co-workers.
"Sienna. Do you want Lauren to be happy?"
I scowled and crossed my hands. "Of course"
"Would you do anything to make her happy?"
"Of course. I owe her one after all"
He was quiet for a while, his blue eyes glistening in the dark and suddenly cold room of their 2 bedroom house. "Would you kill for her?"
His now cold eyes regarded me and I sucked in a breath. And without a second thought I said "Yes"
"Then I want you to kill someone"
My heartbeat increased and sweat lined my brow. I didn't want to return to the world full of red and despair again. I was just getting better...
I can't...
Apparently seeing my difficulty Ryo poured himself a glass of whisky and swallowed it in one gulp. "I want Lauren to be happy. You want Lauren to be happy. And the only thing that will make her happy now is if we make this work. We need to make Scarlet Enterprises popular. And to do that we need to do this" he put his now empty glass on the table and looked at me, same foreign cold eyes staring into me. I don't know this man in front of me anymore. "I would even kill to make Lauren happy. I'll sacrifice everything for her. And you owe her don't you? She saved you. Now repay her by granting her one and only wish"
And with those persuasive words Ryo dragged himself and everyone he and Lauren ever cared about into an endless cycle of hurt and despair.
I returned to killing
I came back to square one.
But this time I was doing it for another.
But I couldn't comfort myself by saying that. The blood of strangers was in my hands and bodies continued piling. Ryo would tell me to kill and I would, without a word of complaint because it was to make Lauren happy.
........
"Anna. Good to see you stop pretending"
The ghost of my brother came to haunt me while I was drowning in whisky. I was at a club, trying to forget that I had the blood of people on my hands when I saw him. He looked different. In appearance. His red hair was now sticking up. His cheeks had marks on them. Overall he looked like a clown. A clown who was addicted to killing. And a clown who knew me better than anyone else. "What are you doing here?"
"I got a job" well I knew the clown too
So I can say that this job is something related to killing. I didn't pry.
"I can see you're back to your natural habitat and listening to your own instincts"
"I'm not doing it for fun or for myself like you. I'm doing it for my best friend"
"How noble. And what a beautiful lie you've told yourself" he said with a evil snicker. "It's the truth" I said gritting my teeth as he slid into the chair next to me and ordered a drink from the bar tender. "Maybe that's what made you get into it. But don't tell me you don't enjoy being in control again?"
Sometimes I hated my brother. Even though he's one of the few people I trust, I never exactly liked him. It's kind of weird. He taught me the wrong things, wrecked my life and now like the sly fox he is, he's trying to influence my thinking again. Well I'm not 15 anymore. "I don't enjoy it" I gritted through clenched teeth, drowning another glass of whisky. "Ya right" he said in a sarcastic tone as he took a sip of his own drink. I slammed my glass against the table and glared at him. "What do you want from me? I'm done you hear me? Stop influencing me with your own thoughts damn it!!"
He regarded my with cold and unemotional eyes and rolled his eyes. "No one is influencing you. I know you better than anyone else. Stop running away and accept yourself first"
"Ok fine!! I enjoy it!! I love the control. Are you happy??"
"Very"
He paid , and He walked away as quick as he had come in. I pushed my drink away and slammed my forehead against the table. "Stupid asshole of an elder brother" I muttered under my breath.
XXX
Lynn's POV
I didn't know what to think. I just stared at Sienna as she rambled on about her past with my parents. An assassin? Sienna? What's next? Kurapika's true identity is going to be a ninja?
"Do you know Hisoka's profession?" I asked her slowly.
She nodded gravely. "He's working as an assassin for the Zoaldicks"
XXX
Hisoka's POV
"Well I'm going to dismiss myself since you have no work to offer me"
Illumi caught a hold of my shoulder and I faced him with a creepy grin on my face. "Don't do anything shady behind my back Hisoka"
"Ya right. Are you really that scared of my existence?"
"Cautious. 'Cause your a clown that doesn't know you're limits"
"I prefer the term joker over clown"
Illumi glared extra hard.
I shrugged and exited the building, allowing my malicious smirk to spring free. All the pawns are set. The stage is set. Now how will be the first to draw blood? How will this game entertain me? Who will be the first to crush the other? All these questions made him laugh out loud in pure excitement. Everyone likes a good game. And what's more exciting than a little more drama? How will the broken princess react if she knew the whole picture?
Can she withstand the pressure?
He couldn't wait to find out
Let the games begin

DUN DUN DUN
Hisoka has so gracefully set the stage for the upcoming drama
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