Façade

Self-loathing

Lynn's POV

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid is what I am!! I walked back and forth in my living room. I cant believe I was this stupid!!! How did I not notice this before? Why was I so blind? I flopped down on the sofa and stared at the floor, hoping that the answer to my predicament would just pop up and solve all my problems. I buried my hands in my hair. I still can't believe Killua is THE Killua zoaldick!!! No. Maybe I'm just overreacting. Maybe he's from another family called the zoaldicks. I sighed. But that was too far fetched. Anyway,why was I reacting this way? Even IF Killua was THE Killua zoaldick, its not like he was the one going to crush my parent's company!! I slupmped down in the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. Maybe I'm upset because I don't want him to betray me... My breathing hitched. When did I start trusting him this much? I buried my hands in my blue hair. I can't trust anyone. I can't afford to trust anyone. But his words kept echoing in my head. You remind me of myself. When he said those words... I found.. Comfort. I felt happy. I don't want to go through this shit alone. Certainly not. But.... Trust is something I cant just give out like that. Even though he sounds like he went through a lot, what if he was lying? What if he's just saying all these things to soften me up? Or what if.... My thoughts were inturrupted when the front door opened. Sienna walked in, wearing her black leather jacket and some tracks. Where did she go? "Sorry I'm home late. What's up? You look troubled" she frowned and sat down near me in the couch. "A lot has happened. And I don't know what to do. Everytime I think I can live through this... Something comes up and fucks it up. I don't know what to do" I brought my knees closer to my chest and buried my face between them. I felt a soft hand on my shoulder , and looked up. "I think you should start from the beginning. What happened?" She said in her soft reassuring voice. Not like a therapist. But like a mother. I loved her for that. I narrated the entire thing, what happened yesterday with Killua(Obviously excluding the kiss. I didn't know if Sienna was the protective kind of mother, but I really didn't want to find out) and the entire thing about it finally hitting me that Killua might be THE Killua zoaldick. When I was finished I looked at her with uncertain eyes. She frowned as if thinking hard. Did I do the right thing? Sienna already had too much in her plate because of me.... "I think we shouldn't jump into any conclusions. It may not be Killua of THE zoaldicks. Maybe you should talk to him about it. Even if he is, he said it himself right? He ran away from home. So that might mean that he's not really on good terms with him family. So I don't think he's spying on you for the Zoaldicks. As for for him lying about that... I really don't know. It won't hurt to trust anyone Lynn" I looked at the ceiling once again. "I can't do it. I don't want to be betrayed by anyone"

"Is it only that, or is it something else your afraid of?" Something else I'm afraid of? Something else.....if you get arrested, do you know how many lives will be affected? A small voice at the back of my head voiced. Imagine Sienna, she's going to drown in guilt. Imagine the looks on your classmates faces after they realise you were lying to them about who you were. And Killua and Gon. Even if you decide to tell them the truth at some point, what makes you say that they would stay with you till the end? Maybe whoever murdered your parents might come after you next. Then all their lives will be endangered. I slammed my sweaty palms on the table and I could feel Sienna tense beside me. I quietly turned away from her. I don't want anyone to die. Not another person. I started walking away from her, walkimg towards my room. Sienna grabbed my wrist and pulled me back, forcing me to turn around. "Lynn! What's the matter with you?" I glared at her. "What's the matter? I lost everyone Sienna. I lost my parents. I lost my sister. And I'm not interested in losing anyone else. Not you. Not Jienna. Not anyone else. I don't want you to risk your life for me. Its fine if you back away and leave me here to fend for myself. I'll understand. I just don't want you to put your life on the line. And thats what I'm really scared of. If I befriend Killua and Gon..... If I start trusting them.... I might even get them killed. And I don't want that Sienna" I had tears in my eyes now. "I.... Don't want this guilt. I-"