Façade

What are you Thinking?

Lynn's POV

I feel warm. Warmer than I've ever felt before. This warmth.... It was this warmth that gave me the will to fight. But I also feel this warmth squirming and holding me so tightly that it was bordering on painful. But even though I felt that way, I didn't want to get up. I couldn't help but feel that this warmth would go away when I wake up. After another painful squeeze I snapped my eyes open, the room darker and hotter than it was when we fell asleep before.

I had buried my face in Killua's chest and Killua's nails were burying into my forearm and his face was coated with a layer of sweat. His forehead was scrunching up and his lips were parted, and he was groaning. I winced when a sharp pain went through my body I shook Killua. He must be having a nightmare. "Killua!! Wake up. It's just a nightmare" I wanted to go into his dream and make all his nightmares go away. Hey. Wake up Killua

Killua's POV

It was getting harder to breathe. I walked slowly through the hallway to get to Alluka's room. I knew this scenario. I knew were this was going. I did. But I went ahead with it anyway. I opened Alluka's door and froze. Alluka was sitting in her bed with her eyes bandaged and Illumi looming over her with a syringe. "Brother. You've come to end it haven't you?" Even though I could tell that Alluka wanted to do something she couldn't. She just smiled like she always did even though she couldn't see the dark look Illumi gave her. Maybe even if she was able to see, she wouldn't react the way that o would have if I was in her place. That's the way Alluka is.

Illumi didn't say anything as he lowered the syringe to meet with Alluka's already pale skin. I wanted to move. I wanted to stop this. No. Stop it!! But I couldn't reach her. I was too scared. No. Petrified. I was paralyzed by plain fear. It was so damn pathetic. Before Alluka dropped limp on the floor, Illumi said,"I'm not your brother. You'll be nothing more than a burden" no. That's not true. Alluka was never a burden... Alluka... I... Am sorry.

I will protect you. I told her that I would. I promised. But all that was just part of the lie.

Empty lies. That's all I'm worth. I can only lie and make empty promises when I know that deep down inside I was just too pathetic to carry out these promises. All I do is make a promise and break it the very next day. I'm pathetic. I turned away from the scene and ran. Because that's the only thing I could do. Run.

As I ran, the corridors became void of light. I was surrounded by the ever growing darkness. And yes. This is where I belong. Where all the lying, deceiving, manipulative bastards end up. They all end up in this darkness and this is where I rightfully belong. I could feel the darkness tugging at my legs, pulling me down making my drown. But I didn't fight either. Because I knew that this is what I deserve. I'm a lying asshole.

I saw my light in the distance. She was standing there with a bright smile on her face. She had extended her hand towards me and I felt like clawing my eyes out. I really should stay away. I don't want to taint that light that has learn to grow now. I don't want to break it again. I really didn't want to... But...

"Killua!!" She called out again. I looked up at her and couldn't help but think that I did want her. I wanted her and only her. I wanted her love and I wanted to keep feeling normal while she was there. I wanted to be this person that I was when I was around her always. I wanted us, two broken people, to fall in love and fix our broken souls together. But no. I knew that deep down only the opposite would happen. I would end up breaking her to pieces. But even so....

"Baka!!! Let's go home!! Why are you standing there and staring?" I smiled and extended my hand. I want this light. I wanted it for long as it was still burning. I truly am such a selfish bastard.