I Will Find You This Time (REVISING)

Chapter 67~ His Dark Past

"I have an amnesia", simula ko. Sumulyap  ako sa kanya para makita ang reaction niya pero poker face lang siya. 

Zero reaction.

Nada. 

"The doctor said there is a 60% chance that it might be a retrogade amnesia.... meaning I can get some of my memories back... You see I've been having dreams... some repeat over and over and she said it could be one of my long term memories" 

He is the first person na hindi nag react sa sinabi ko. 

"I was comatose for three months. That's what they told me two years ago pag gising ko galing sa coma." 

"What happened..." walang emosyon niyang sinabi habang nakatingin sa mga bulaklak na nakatanim dito sa greenhouse nila

"Car accident. That's what they said" I replied while smiling bitterly. 

Liars. 

"You look like you have something else in mind", tiningnan ko siya at nagulat ako dahil nakatingin siya sa'kin. Di ko man lang napansin. 

 "They lied..", Tinago nila ang katotohanan at hindi ko pa alam bakit, "When they brought me home from the hospital I found a letter... written by me. I remember the date... it was a few days before the supposed 'car accident'.... Binasa ko yung letter pero none of it was making sense kaya di ko nalang binigyan ng pansin nun..." 

I remember what I wrote in that letter. 

I apologized to my family and friends...

I even apologized to God because I was about to do something that will forever hold me down in Hell. 

Sabi ko pa na hindi ko na kaya ang sakit at hindi ko maintindihan bakit may mga tao na kailangan dumaan sa mga ganitong sitwasyon. 

I even said I hate my life 

Now that I think about it... that letter was my first clue. 

I should have sensed that something was not right then. 

I need to go back to Quebec and find that letter. 

Baka may mga sinulat pa ako na makakatulong sa'kin. 

"You alright?" nabalik ako sa realidad 

Tumango lang ako

"Let me guess. You weren't in a car accident.... but tried to commit suicide" sabi niya habang nakatingin diretso sa mga mata ko 

Bumilis ang pagtibok ng puso ko. 

Umiwas siya ng tingin. He formed a fist with his right hand. 

"You alright?" tanong ko this time. Hindi siya sumagot kaya bumalik ako sa storya ko

"That was the first thing that came into my mind after reading the letter actually. But I didn't take any of it seriously kasi during that time I was completely lost. I mean hello, I woke up not even knowing my name"   

May nangyari bago ako nag "pakamatay". 

Yung sa sulat ko... it sounded so.... dark and depressing. 

Why would I sound like that-- AT magpapakamatay kung walang nangyari?

AND why would my family hide the fact that I tried to kill myself?

"So nothing... you don't remember anything? Not even your childhood? Childhood friends perhaps...."  sabi niya habang nakatingin sa malayo

"I remember one childhood friend", agad niya akong nilingon, "I remembered Anabelle through fake memories. You know, psychology says that if you keep telling someone things that happened in the past... they'll start to believe and feel like it actually happened even if it didn't."