Where Will I Go

5||Motivation

Motivation such an aggravation,
Accusations don't know how to take them.
Inspiration's getting hard to fake it.
Concentration's never hard to break it.
Situation never what you want it to be.
~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunlight peaked through the closed blinds of the window in Ran's room. He was awake, but he still had his eyes closed. He hadn't slept that consistently without waking up in the middle of the night for so long, that he forgot what it even felt like. His body felt sore, weak almost, but he enjoyed it. Half of his face was buried in the pillow, while his arms hugged the white cushion.

The whole scene was so relaxing that he would've been able to fall back asleep, if it weren't for the knock on the door that sounded through the rest of the room.

"Ran! Open up!" He heard his foster mother call.

He groaned; he could probably cry at that point. It was wednesday, what could she possibly want?

Never the less, he tiredly sat up and pulled some sweatpants on, before walking over to the door to answer his mother.

"Yes?" He asked, a slight hint of irritation in his voice, but his mother didn't seem to care or notice.

"We have company coming over. Including your extended family. Now come upstairs and help us clean," she demanded

"Yeah, ok, I'll be right up." He said, still tired and irritated.

He closed the door without any other words being spoken between the two. He went over to his closet, and pulled out black jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt.

Once he had risen upstairs (his bedroom was in the basement), his father gave him the task of cleaning the dishes, to which Ran obeyed since he was definitely not in the mood for conflict. Although, at that moment, trying to find motivation to do anything was aggravating.

His mind started to wander has he mindlessly started washing spoons and plates by hand (his parents didn't like how calcium would build up in their dishwasher, so they usually did it by hand to avoid the much bigger task of cleaning the entire dishwasher).

He didn't care much for his extended family anymore. The only ones he truly loved were his younger sister, Kenadee (who's actually his biological sister) and his grandfather. His grandfather was the only one who ever truly supported him in his wish and desire to become a music producer. So when he passed away 2 years ago, he had honestly lost all hope in both his dreams and foster family.

Thinking about how supportive his grandfather had been and how he gave up on his dreams reminded him of the conversation with Alex. Last night he had asked him to meet him at 12:30 the next night. Truth be told, he could sense that company was probably coming over the next day, since his parents liked to hold gatherings and parties. He hated them, so he thought that the brunet was a perfect enough reason to leave. Well, perfect enough for him, at least.

Ran had grown quite fond of the brunet. Although they had only really seen each other twice, they did text often. And he liked Alex's company, and well, he liked Alex in general.

To him there was no denying that the shorter male was cute. Brown hair that flipped over one eye, brown eyes, pale complexion, and dimples in his cheeks when he smiled.

Sure, Ran was gay. But he wasn't necessarily positive whether or not Alex was. Ran had flirted with him a couple times, as if he was testing the waters, and Alex always flirted back. But it was a real possibility that Alex was just messing around because he'd think Ran was messing around as well. And it was kinda awkward to just go up to him and ask what he was into.