Supernatural Death Note

Chapter Forty-Six: Dean...Dealing

  WARNING: This chapter has sexual connotations. 

He helped him to his feet and a few moments later, Watari popped his head in with a smile. "Sam, you may have today to relax. Dean, L is waiting for you in the gardens."

"Watari? Which gardens?"

"I kicked him outside for the moment. He needs sunshine as do you."

"Thank you, Sir." Dean smiled at his brother. "Oh, Sam? They got a fabulous library on Two." Dean headed out his door towards the elevators. When he reached the rear outside door, he took a deep breath. The sessions were not getting easier. The digging was deeper. Ah, well, he thought. Dad always told us 'no pain, no gain.' He started walking the extensive gardens looking for L.

L was perched in a chair, shaded a bit by a cherry tree.

Dean noted the chairs with pleasure. No bench without a back to support his shoulder. He sat down next to L. " Where are we headed today?"

"I want to take the time and let you review what you've confronted so far and how you feel you're coming, what you think needs more work."

"I've dealt with my Mom's death, having no childhood, Sam not liking me being both parents when he wanted a brother, Ruby, and Sam's powers to a point. My life, what little I had of it, when raising Sam, until he went off to Stanford, is something I'm not sure I can deal with totally, L. There are things I've told no one. It can't come out. Dad found out. He sent Sam off to Bobby for a while. Can't talk about it, because I'd have to tell Sam."

"There's stuff I haven't really dealt with but it's not as serious as that time was."

L's dark eyes looked at Dean. "Anything that is a concern to you, a problem in the past, must come out and be dealt with. This habit of hiding problems is not healthy."

"Look L, Dad nearly killed me because of it. Took Sam away. This would finish driving him away. You wouldn't want me here either...certainly not around the boys...Near. I didn't have a life, L. Not growing up. But there was hell. Okay?"

"I know the type of man you are, Dean Winchester. So do not hide it.. at least from me and yourself."

You're gonna turn around and tell me I have to tell Sam. He's got to know. Or make me feel guilty enough to do it on my own."

"That will all be your decision but you must tell someone."

Dean was shaking very hard. His voice started trembling as he started to talk. "I was around 15-16 years old. Had a lot of girls and women trying to catch my notice. Dad said more and more that I was too pretty to be a boy. I looked too much like my mom. I thought he was nuts again. "

"He started staying gone longer and longer. Winter was coming on. We were in school. He'd left all the information and stuff so I could get us enrolled. He was only supposed to be gone two weeks. When week five hit, I needed money real bad. The motel was ready to evict us. Sam needed a coat. There was the materials he needed for a Science fair. He needed twenty for a field trip. We had some dry cereal and nothing else to eat in the place. I fed Sam and headed down to the local pool hall and bar. I can really play pool. I never lose."

"I was surprised they let me in. I had a fake id saying I was 21. They let me in with that. I started playing at eight and at midnight, I knew I had to get back to Sam. Dad would be furious, but we needed the money. I cleared fifteen hundred dollars. I started walking back to the motel, and these guys jumped me. They forced me behind some cars."

Dean got up and walked off, sobs wrenching his body, making retching sounds.

L waited until he returned, handing him a water bottle to help calm his stomach down.