Supernatural Death Note

Chapter Fifty-Two: Hell, the Past, and John Winchester

It was quiet in the building, and the lone man headed for the exit, but changed his mind. L might lock the place up tighter than a drum and he could get stuck out there unless someone was monitoring the cameras. He turned and headed for the elevators and the indoor gardens. Dean walked the gardens for a while, longing for a breeze, but grateful for what he did have. The solitude was nice. He thought back over what Sam had said. He did not want to discuss what had happened in what was forty years for him. He shook his head, facing the dilemma. L was going to ask. What could he do?

Time passed before the detective's voice broke the silence. "Dean has been pacing around for over an hour when he should be resting. What troubles you?"

The hunter jumped a foot, thinking he'd been alone. He had not seen the detective anywhere.

"Cameras? Or have you been here this whole time, and I'm losing my touch?"

"Cameras."

Dean nodded, than looked into the dark eyes. There was no escaping this. "I'm working on a dilemma." He hoped that would serve, but doubted it. L was a detective. He'd dig.

"And it is obviously one that is wearing you down a great deal."

"Yeah, it has for a while."

L nodded, gesturing at the chairs. "I believe Dean should discuss this as it is proving to be detrimental to his rest and health."

"L, aren't there some things that are just better off left alone?"

"Does this issue affect how you think, perceive yourself, your sleep?"

"You been talking to Sam about me?" Dean thought he's too damn good. I either tell him the truth and go through more that I can't handle, or lie and feel even worse. If I lie, he'll know. Dean stared straight into the dark eyes. He sighed. Yeah, he'll know.

"No, just going off of my observations of you."

Dean gave up. "Yeah, it affects all those things and whole lot more. Sam could probably do a better job of telling you, unless you intend to dig and know a whole lot more then I've told anyone."

"It is not Sam's place to tell me," he answered. "That would be a breach of trust between the pair of you."

"I'd give him permission on this one." Dean looked up into the detective's eyes again. "Where do you want to start?"

"The beginning is usually the logical choice."

"Which beginning: where Sam died or where Lilith let the hell hounds in and they ripped me to pieces? They both lead to the same place."

He tilted his head. "Samuel's death."

Dean bowed his head, remembering that time. "Sam got kidnapped along with the other special children. Azazel pit them against each other in a contest. Sam said Andy died. It ended up Jake against Sam. Sam was beat up pretty bad when I got there. Jake was incredibly strong and a soldier. Sam and I saw each other and he was trying to get to me, when Jake stabbed him in the back and Sam went down. Jake ran. I got to Sam and he was in my arms, and he died."

L nodded, listening quietly.

"The typical hunter burial is to take the body somewhere rural, and build a pyre and burn it. Bobby came by and said we need to take care of him. It had been a while, and I wouldn't. I couldn't. I felt that I hadn't done what Dad told me to do...take care of him. I'd let him down. I let both of them down. I didn't know what to do. We'd had a case about a crossroads demon who made deals with people for ten years of fame. They went to hell afterward. Hell hounds hunted them down. I made a deal for Sam, but they would only give me one year. I went back and Sam was alive."