Supernatural Death Note

Seventy: To Know the Truth and All the Truth

Notes:

Little glitches do show up from time to time in the most sane of minds.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes .)

"Look, I know that shit with Ruby and all got me hurt bad a couple of times. I've dealt with that kind of thing a lot of times. Is it the dealing with things that's messed me up? If that's it, then why hasn't Sam had the same problem?"

Sam piped up from where he was sitting. "I have actually. You didn't see me until I was a lot more stable."

"But I did see you, Sam. Not a whole lot at first, but we faced off the day after you forced me to come before you. We were always watched. Is that why we didn't see as much of each other?"

"I was majorly off my rocker," he admitted. "I didn't know where I was, when it was...everything was scrambled."

"Before you called me that night? The blood addiction? I can understand that, Sam. What is causing mine? I don't have an addiction. I was afraid I might but I don't."

"You still had a lot of trauma to face, which can cause confusion as well," Watari told him.

"Okay, but haven't I faced it all? Please tell me I've faced it all."

"From what I can tell unless you have been hiding more from us," he told him.

"Hell no. That thing you dragged out of me last is all I know of. I can't remember anything else. I swear it. So why the hell am I still having confusion like this? Sam seems okay."

"Actually, he's had a few bouts as you have as well. At the times it happened, you were in deep with other things and we didn't want to worry you further."

"What other things were more important than this happening to Sam? He's family...my brother."

"Can you change it when I had an issue then? Dean, I love you but at the time, your health was more important," he reassured him.

"What about my health was more important, Sam. I wasn't dying or anything. We both had problems, so you can't use that against me. My shoulder? Was it that some of the things I faced made me a higher risk or something? I'm not mad here, but I am frustratingly on the not knowing side here."

Sam reached over, rubbing his shoulder. "Your emotional health, Dean. I want my brother healthy. That's more important to me."

Dean grabbed a towel and carefully got out of the hot water, hitting the drain release. He toweled off, and grabbed the boxers and tee that was brought with him. Heading into his bedroom, he sat in one of the recliners but did not lean back.

"Would you two sit down, please?"

The two men nodded, taking a seat.

"I'm not trying to harp on things or dig up the past here. It's just that Sam has faced the same things I'm facing, only I wasn't told. I just want to know what it was that was so bad about my mental or emotional health, whatever the hell it was, that made it dangerous for me to know. I have a right to know. What things that happened to me made me unable to deal with Sam? I want specifics. Can't have been everything. It had to be particular ones that I was dealing with at the time."

Watari held up his hand. "Only if Sam agrees, Dean. We have not shared anything with him that you have not."

Sam sighed. "Dean, it was the fact you didn't need more stress. Not that it was horrible. Just that the stress would've been too much considering that you had a full plate and then some to take care of."