Supernatural Death Note

Chapter One Hundred and Four: What Hasn't Been Truly Dealt With...Ben

"We're leaving early in the morning. There's no homework for the next few days. I got hotel rooms for two nights...three of them. I have something I got to do after we get there, but the rest of the day is for shopping for the cabin. I do want to ask if someone would keep an eye on Ben Saturday evening. I have to get a reservation for Lisa and me at a restaurant. Saturday is for more shopping or site seeing. It's your day. We can either stay another night and go home Sunday morning, or go home Saturday night. Ryuzaki, Watari, and the boys are coming Sunday afternoon, and will be staying til after New Year's. I have one thing I need to do, and Ben, I want your okay. I promised Near a dinner and at a really quiet steak house...him and me. He doesn't go out to eat. There's a nice one in town. You and I have gone all kinds of places together. Near is like a son to me too. Not like you, Ben. You're the real thing, but Near doesn't have that and never will except with me. Can you share once in a while?"

Ben looked a little put out. He loved his dad and hated sharing him, especially since he hadn't had Dean in his life for very long. "Whatever," he grumbled, stalking out of the room.

Dean sat there, watching his son stalk out of the room. He bowed his head for a moment, then got up and started to follow the boy.

He stalked outside, settling onto a swing and began glaring at the surrounding area.

A few moments later, Dean walked up and stood in front of his son. "Can I sit down?"

Ben just shrugged, kicking at the dirt.

Instead of sitting beside the boy, Dean dropped onto the dirt in front of him.

"This is hard for me, Ben, so can you please look at me."

He looked up at him for a moment, waiting to see what Dean had to say

"Ben, my mama died when I was four years old. My dad put your Uncle Sammy into my arms and told me to take of him. I guess in some crazy ways, I might still be doing that some, but Ryuzaki and Watari helped both of us learn that it wasn't good to be that way all the time. We still watch out for each other. That's what your Uncle Sammy and Grandpa Bobby were doing tonight. That's what family is all about. Do you understand that?"

"He's not family," he told him. "He's some kid you like, that's it, and he's all smart and stuff. That's fine.. he needs to find his own dad and not mine."

"Ben...son...I met your mama about ten years ago. I was a hunter. I was pretty young then. So was she. I never forgot her. Something very bad was going to happen to me last year. She was the one on my mind. I didn't know I loved her then. I do now. I saw you for the first time that day. Hell, Ben, you were just like me. You had to be mine, but I couldn't stay. This bad thing would have destroyed both of you. I didn't tell her I wanted to stay and that I wanted to be your dad. She told me you weren't mine. When things got better, again, I kept an eye on you guys. You disappeared and I panicked but had no way of finding you. I hunted. Every extra penny I had went into hiring detectives to try to find you. When I found you, I had met Near. He's just a nice kid, Ben. A lonely one who doesn't realize he's lonely. He had no friends. Hell, I didn't either. We became friends. I thought of him like he was my own, but not like I think of you. Near will take over L's job one day and be the big boss. He won't be my son or your brother. He's just someone who means something to me. That's rare for me, Ben."

"You said he was like a son to you," he spat out accusingly. "He can't have you. I'm not sharing you with another kid. It's not fair."

"Ben, a few months ago, after we moved here, I felt that way about you."

"I don't care. You're my dad, not his." He didn't want to share after dreaming for nine years of having a dad.

"Ben, I asked your mama to share you with me. You think I want to share you with anyone? Your Grandpa Braeden held you when you made your first steps. I saw your Christmases and birthdays through picture albums. I never held you or fed you. I didn't change a diaper. I never got to teach you how to play sports. I missed all of that. Do you understand? You aren't the only one who missed out, Ben. You are my son. Mine. I won't share you with another father. But, Ben, being the son means sharing sometimes. I watched my Dad hold and kiss Sammy. He stopped doing that to me when Mama died. I lost my dad that day, Ben. You said you won't share. What are you gonna do if your mama gets pregnant? We want more kids one day, Ben."