Supernatural Death Note

Chapter Ninety-Nine: Sarah's Time to Learn About Dean.

"Sam?"

"Yeah, Dean?""Can you stay a minute? You can have Sarah here, if you want."

He nodded as the others hurried out to go back to their prior activities.

"You want to sit down? Is Sarah here?" Dean looked outside and saw her near the tarps. "Sarah! Come on in."

She headed in. "You sure?"

"Yeah, Come on in. You are marrying Sammy and this is a family thing. You never know when something might come up. It's better to be prepared."

Sarah took a seat next to Sam, wondering what was going on.

"First off, Sam and I had an asshole for a father."

"So I heard," she responded.

"I spent my whole life being told I was too pretty to be a guy and I would attract the wrong people. It would be my fault. Sam, you can jump in any time if you have something to add. Okay?"

He nodded, listening to his brother.

"I'm not gonna go into the whole sordid details. Dad left us alone a lot longer then he said he would. More then two months before it was over. We ran out of money. I was around 15 or 16 at the time. I went to a pool hall and used a fake ID and they let me in. I had no idea why. Dang it, I helped hunt at times, but I mainly protected Sam. I won that night. These guys attacked me and forced me to take them in my mouth."

Her eyes closed. "If the ass wasn't dead, he would be now when I got my hands on him."

"They told me I had to keep coming back and they knew about Sam. I should have called Pastor Jim or Bobby, but I was scared. I thought it was my fault. I went every week and I played pool. They met me behind the pool hall sometimes, and the restroom the rest."

It was obvious Sarah was angry but kept quiet, letting Dean share this.

"The last week, they said what we were doing wasn't enough for the money I won. They dragged me upstairs and they beat me pretty bad and they raped me."

"Oh god," she murmured.

"Where they beat me, it wasn't seen. Where Dad beat me the whole world could see. He came home and was angry that Sam was alone. He found us. All five of them and me. They were laying cash out on the bed. He took my clothes, my shoes...everything and left me there. He called me a whore."

Her fingers tightened on the arm of the couch.

"He said nothing to those men, just let them go. I wrapped myself in a blanket and walked back to the motel, barefooted. It was so cold out, and I felt frozen inside and out. I managed to find a hairpin in the gravel on the parking lot and picked the lock. Everything was gone. Sam, Dad, and all our stuff. He left me nothing. I sat on a bed, wrapped in that blanked for a week. I bled like crazy for a while. I didn't care. If I'd still had my gun, I'd have ended it then. Just as well. I couldn't have left Sam any way."

The fabric of the couch protested the tightening grip.

"Dad came back but without Sam. I panicked. Sam and I were together for all that time and Dad split us up because of me. He said he couldn't risk leaving Sam alone with me. I might get him hurt. He got a scrub brush and dish soap from the kitchen. He used it in both places they touched me. I wanted to fight him, but he said Sam was going to hunt because I wasn't protecting him. He said he was cleaning the filth. Then he beat the crap out of me."

Her voice was flat. "We're certain the asshole is dead?"

"We burned him, so.. yeah. He drove us to Bobby's and we stayed a couple of days. Bobby and Sam asked about me. Dad had said we'd hunted and I got hurt. He's already said I had to go along with him or he'd tell everyone what a whore I was. I'd hidden it pretty good down through the years, but I slept with just about any woman who hit on me. I wasn't a whore if they liked me and weren't paying."

"Dean, you're not a whore. Your father was an arrogant asshole who deserves the worst torment imaginable."

"I know that now...tonight. But, you see, Ruby reinforced it."

She looked at Sam, who looked at his hands for a moment. "That one needed a bullet in the brain pan."

"I'd rather not talk about it more than to say she was trying to get Sam to kill me. I did what she wanted because I was heavily drugged. She whipped me with a whip and I made love to her. She wanted to compare us and I couldn't not do it. It brought back memories of what Dad had told me. You're like your mother...too pretty for a guy. They will take you over and over and you'll let them because pretty boys do. I thought he was crazy. Then I wasn't so sure any more. Ruby proved his point."

"No she didn't. She played on her sickness. Your father was wrong," Sarah stated

"Sam, he fed both of us. He told me you were dangerous and I might have to kill you. The one person I'd die for he wanted me to kill? I sold my soul for you after that. Kill you? Hell, no! Sam, you were never evil. The blood Azazel gave you only brought it out of its dormant state. You were still normal, Sammy. You always have been. Like me, it wasn't your fault. You need to know, understand, and believe that you are a great guy, Sam."

"The only reason I didn't kill myself to stop all this was because you kept telling me that, and I believed you," the younger brother murmured.

"Okay, Sammy. I'm glad I kept telling you. You see, guys. Dad made me feel worthless. I needed my family to prove I wasn't. If I had you, I had something to live for. Alone, I was nothing. He never wanted me. He dumped me as soon as Sam left for college. He liked the battles with Sam, and I wouldn't fight him. Sam, I seriously think that he went insane the night Mom died, but there were times before you were born, where he wouldn't come home, and she'd talk to him on the phone and try to get him to just come back. I spent those times trying to let her know I loved her. I think he wasn't right before she died, but her dying did him in. We got the punishment for it, Sammy. That's what I learned tonight. It's not my fault. It's not yours either. We're normal, Sammy. We are. We get a second chance now.

"Sarah, welcome to the Winchester family. We are what you see. Lisa, not just that welcome, but welcome into my heart. I love you. You two are the only women who saw us as we are, and didn't run from us. That says a hell of a lot about the kind of women you are. I told Sam, he should marry you, Sarah, back when you said you didn't care what he did."

Sarah was quiet for a moment. "He served in Vietnam?"

"Yeah, he did. He seemed like such a nice, normal guy. That's when I found out she was a hunter, and so were Grandma and Grandpa Campbell. Cas sent me back in time not too long ago."

The period of silence was longer for a moment. "Dean.. it's possible that your dad was suffering from PTSD at least.. if not more. A lot of people who came back, they came back changed in bad ways."

The silence continued, as Sam and Dean thought about what was just said. "It's possible. Highly possible. The night Azazel took him, he said things to me that the demon wouldn't have thought of if he hadn't been inside of Dad. He got too close, into my personal space, which Dad would have done. He said things no father would say to his son. He hurt me real bad, and Sam had to shoot him to stop him. Then the asshole sold his soul and gave the colt to Azazel to save my life? No, he wanted to make sure I killed Sam. He knew I'd get Azazel, or Sam would, but it was like he wanted to destroy us from the inside out. He was sick...bad sick."

She nodded. "It doesn't excuse what he did, not by a long shot, but.. it might explain things. I'm sorry you had to go through it."

"It's okay now. Sam and I wouldn't be where we are right now if we hadn't gone through it. We're better for it in the long run. At least I think we are. It was just best that you girls knew our pasts. Well, at least part of them. There's way too much to talk about in one evening. You got the major stuff. I just hope I haven't scared you off. I don't think I have. Not by a long shot, but you had a right to know."

"Thank you for sharing it, Dean, I know it couldn't be easy for you."