Supernatural Death Note

Chapter Twenty-Six: Venting and Remembering (One)

Summary:  Dean begins to deal with his past.

Dean slowly opened one of the doors, and entered. The room was large, walls were a light gray, with a darker gray carpet. There was nothing in the room except himself. He shut the door behind him and stood by the door, wondering why in the world he was fixing to start session one of hell.

'It's for your own good, Dean,' he thought to himself. 'Yeah,' his mind responded.

The hunter grinned, 'Damn! Maybe I do need this. I'm answering myself.'

Near waited for the door to close before he padded away on socked feet.

Dean walked around the room like a caged lion at first, then calm set in for a few minutes. He went towards the far wall and slowly eased himself down to where he was sitting, legs outstretched, back against the wall. He knew he had not recovered enough to stand for any length of time.

He leaned his head back as far as he could, remembering back to the night his mother died. Four year old Dean, hearing his Mother talk to someone in baby Sammy's room, climbing out of bed to go to the nursery and check. Seeing the man by the bed, and thinking it was his Dad. Remembering seeing the yellow eyes. He hadn't remembered that before. What the hell? His Mom acting like she knew him. Her going up the wall. Her stomach...oh God! Dean winced and sobbed for a second. Her stomach ripping open, and the screams! The screams were horrid. He heard his Dad running up the stairs screaming, "Mary!" He moved out of the way, watching his mother. His Dad did not see her. He was checking Sammy. Then the blood dripping.

"Oh, God!" Dean cried out. "Mom!" She caught on fire. He remembered how terrified he was. It was all he could see, hear, and smell for months. No one knew he'd seen anything. Dad picking up Sammy and putting him in his arms and telling him to not look back, but take Sammy out of the house, and run. Protect him.

"That's why I protect him? Dad, you gave him to me. It was to get him out of the house, but you put so much more into it later. What the hell were you thinking, giving a life burden to a four year old? Damn it, Dad! You could have told me later, that you would take over. Hell, you never took over."

Going to his Aunt's house in Lawrence. Her family being freaked out because he didn't talk. Hearing his Uncle say that they couldn't keep him there. They'd keep Sammy but Dean would have to leave. Running to Sammy and not letting anyone near him. Dad calling someone, picking them up and driving a long ways. Not leaving Sammy's side. Refusing to eat and drink. Dad getting angry at him. Pulling into Bobby's place, and sanctuary.

Tears were flowing down Dean's face, as he remembered these things. Bobby looking at Sammy in Dad's arms. Why was Dad holding Sammy? "It's my job," came as a whisper from the hunter's lips. Shaking began to start. Dean looked up into Bobby's eyes, seeing kindness and tears? Bobby'd been crying? He hadn't remembered that either. Bobby kneeling down and trying to talk to him. Not being able to say a word. The terror. Mustn't talk. It will find Sammy and me. "Oh, God, he leaned over Sammy," Dean choked.

Dad yelling at him to answer Bobby. The argument between the men. Bobby saying he'd keep the boys while John learned the ropes of hunting. Dad leaving without saying anything to him The terror that went through him when he heard the Impala leave. He'd lost both his Mom and Dad.

"Don't go!" Dean screamed a gut wrenching cry. He rolled over onto his left side, going into a fetal position, and the crying started in earnest. Four year old Dean had lost both parents. He honestly didn't understand that until now. What came back wasn't Dad.

The crying was desperate, heartbreaking, and a release. The memories kept tearing at him, over and over. The demon leaning over Sam. "Oh God, why didn't I remember that? Why?"