Supernatural Death Note

Chapter Forty-Seven: Sam deals with Dean

  Warning: This chapter has major sexual connotations.

"I can have Watari in the room to help. I know you will not want the trio."

"No! No kids! Where are we doing this?"

L nodded, leading him into the building and asking Watari to have Sam meet them up at the top floor.

"We've never been up there. What's on the top floor?"

"You have been there actually. It is where we work the cases. You were there to help Matt with the database."

"Where you have all the video go to and study? This is going to be video right?"

L nodded silently.

Dean nodded quietly, as they entered the room, but jumped badly when Watari and Sam entered. The older Winchester froze, staring at his brother, with panic in his eyes. His face was blotchy from tears, and he was shaking. But, he stood still, and waited...not sure what was going to happen when, and how.

Sam looked at his brother, heading to his side. "Dean?"

Dean turned and stared up into his younger brother's eyes, and he broke. "It's not my fault, Sam. I swear, it's not my fault. Oh, god, please."

He was confused but hugged his brother close.

"L says it's not my fault. I'm not a ... a. I can't, L. I wanted to tell him I'm not but I can't"

His grip tightened as he looked at L, who simply pointed at a screen and began playing back the conversation.

" Where are we headed today?"

"I want to take the time and let you review what you've confronted so far and how you feel you're coming, what you think needs more work."

"I've dealt with my Mom's death, having no childhood, Sam not liking me being both parents when he wanted a brother, Ruby, and Sam's powers to a point. My life, what little I had of it, when raising Sam, until he went off to Stanford, is something I'm not sure I can deal with totally, L. There are things I've told no one. It can't come out. Dad found out. He sent Sam off to Bobby for a while. Can't talk about it, because I'd have to tell Sam."

"There's stuff I haven't really dealt with but it's not as serious as that time was."

L's dark eyes looked at Dean. "Anything that is a concern to you, a problem in the past, must come out and be dealt with. This habit of hiding problems is not healthy."

"Look L, Dad nearly killed me because of it. Took Sam away. This would finish driving him away. You wouldn't want me here either...certainly not around the boys...Near. I didn't have a life, L. Not growing up. But there was hell. Okay?"

"I know the type of man you are, Dean Winchester. So do not hide it.. at least from me and yourself."

You're gonna turn around and tell me I have to tell Sam. He's got to know. Or make me feel guilty enough to do it on my own."

"That will all be your decision but you must tell someone."

Sam frowned, watching the screen with a sinking feeling in his stomach. His hold on Dean never loosened.

Dean stood frozen watching his confession, a sense of horror coming over him. Sam and Watari were going to know. Sam was going to feel guilty, and he was going to have to be strong for him. He was digging inside himself looking for a strength he didn't think he'd find.

Dean was shaking very hard. His voice started trembling as he started to talk. "I was around 15-16 years old. Had a lot of girls and women trying to catch my notice. Dad said more and more that I was too pretty to be a boy. I looked too much like my mom. I thought he was nuts again. "