Supernatural Death Note

Chapter Forty-Three: Dean's Morning

Dean woke early the next morning. Hearing Sam's steady breathing, he carefully eased off the bed. The older Winchester had no idea if anyone was up, but needed to walk a bit. He went to the restroom, and with a struggle, finally managed to open the door.

He headed to the elevators and picked the garden floor. Entering the humid room, he slowly walked, looking at trees and plants. He thought he was alone at first, until L wished him good morning. Dean froze and turned, seeing the detective in his usual crouch, on one of the chairs.

"Good morning," Dean answered back.

"Dean is up earlier than I expected," he addressed the other.

"I wasn't planning on it, but I think I had some help sleeping last night. Watari's sneaky. I fell asleep too fast."

L nodded. "He has learned to be when dealing with us," he gestured at the seat. "How are you feeling?"

Dean slowly arranged himself where he would be comfortable. "Physically, mentally, or emotionally? With you, I imagine emotionally?"

"Any of the above."

"Really? You want a full consensus for your notes, Doctor?" Dean smiled a little as he said it.

A tiny curve of the lips was accompanied with his answer. "Only wish to see how you are doing."

"Well, after all my exercise, emotional roller coasters, and some real mental twisting, I hurt like hell, I'm drained, and I'll be all right. Something came up last night that bothered me quite a bit. Not sure what to do with it yet."

"Which is?"

"This is difficult. I can see what Sam meant to a point. Dad pretty much deserted us and Mom was dead. It was my job to take care of him. I got set in that mindset. It was wrong. I know that , but you kinda don't stop being a parent. I can't make him see that. "

"In so many words, he told me last night that a parent wasn't what he had needed, but the big brother. He never mentioned it until a short time before I went to hell. That's when I taught him how to work on the car."

"I just kinda got the feeling that he didn't like the fact that I had been that instead of someone to have fun with. He said he had to grow up sometime. He's right. I told him he'd have to do it now because I couldn't change the past. He jumped on that and wanted to just let it go and start from here.

"It's not that easy. A lot things changed and/or ruined my life because I was Mom and Dad when our father wouldn't do it. I love the idea of being a big brother. It's just the thought that what I did do was not wanted. It hurt, L. It shouldn't have. I'm a big boy and I'm trying to not let things do that to me, but it did. He's excited about this. I don't want to hurt him."

"You fall into the role of a parent because you are a person that can be termed big hearted. Look at how quickly you bonded with Near who, arguementably, can be termed as difficult to understand. You need to be open with Sam, tell him that you are afraid that you'll slip back into the prior role. Work a system so he can signal to you if you are and help you get back into the role you were born to play."

"Okay. I'll do it at breakfast. How is Near this morning." Dean hoped the change of subject would not make L think he was steering away from him, but he knew he was. He was hopeful of no serious sessions but knew that becoming normal was the goal and it required the sessions. He really was concerned about Near.

"Almost back to his normal self, though he has been driving Mello to distraction."

"Mello? Distraction? What's going on?"

He gave a soft chuckle. "He is curious as to why Mello put the pillow under him or alerted us to his condition."

Dean laughed, "And Mello doesn't want him to know he cares."