The Secret of Me

My Identity

I follow, stepping lightly and silently, not crushing fallen leaves or snapping twigs. He stands on the edge of the cliff like drop-off falling straight into the ocean, he hand the paper crumpled in hand, head down, I watch his shoulders heave, up and down he cries silently.

Portgas D. Ace, was not just crying, but sobbing silent tears of pain.

I stood still, frozen in place, blue orbs wide, unable to comprehend the incredible actions before me. Unbelievable. I was between running up to hug him, to cry next to him, sharing the sorrow. But his pride would be beyond damaged. It would be demolished.
Instead I choose to stand, watching in an inexpressible agony as he sobs. Unable to help or do anything at all.
I couldn't watch anymore, so I turn, walking away, head held high, my eye's shinny, biting my bottom lip.

Later, all alone, I stand looking at my reflection in the lone mirror in Dadan's kingdom, propped against a wall, I sit, my sweaty palm pressed against the smooth reflective surface, my night-sky colored hair hangs around my shoulders, curling and wiping down my back, nearly touching the floor.

I looked like a girl. A small, insignificant, powerless girl.

I know, I know, that's what I am, a girl, but now.... It's like I'd much rather look, act and be treated as a boy. If only that was possible.
If only.
I stand, moving quickly, I swiftly swipe a sharp unguarded knife from a nearby table.
Returning to the mirror I sit once more, grabbing a handful of hair, pulling it out and with one swift movement it fell in thick black locks to the ground.
More followed, surrounding me in dark swirls of hair.
I lean forward, both hands on the mirror, staring at my blue orbs that could never loose their wide-eyed innocence, pureness and feminality. I press my forehead against the mirror, smudging it, closing my eyes with a deep heave of a sigh.
Then my eyes spring open again as I realize, clothes.... that's something anyone, anyone could change.

I stand up and begin to get to work, pulling the dirt-soot-blood-miscellaneous stained dress from my body, the long dried blood sticking to the fabric, ending with me having to cut the fabric from my skin, leaving pieces in my wounds. Then, I clean up a few areas, ridding myself of blood and grime, in a flimsy undershirt tanktop and underwear I stood, mentally coming up with an outfit that could do more than hide skin.

An outfit that could hide my gender.
My failures.
My identity.

Later. Much later. I stand, beyond pleased with the results.
Now, to present... I step, slouched slightly, my walk less graceful and lady like elegant. I walk past Dadan, who stops mid sentence and yells, "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"
I turn, revealing my face and say, "Do you have a problem ma'am?" and the orange headed woman's jaw goes slack, her cigarette falling to the floor, "Nyx?!"
"Yes ma'am?" I respond, and after several minutes of her staring I continue, outside and along a familiar dirt pass. Among the familiar canopying trees, the same birds singing their own songs. I don't speak. Or think. I may of not even of been breathing.
My eyes focus on my feet, the bill of my hat shades my eyes, the hoodie makes me feel safe and warm. Maybe even loved. I make it to the much familiar area where we trained, slept and lived.

Then a hand grabs the said hoodie, hoisting me forward into an angry, as he did this he yelled "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" He his fist slammed into my mouth.
I push back, spitting blood at him, face shaded, I ready my fists, blocking another powerful blow. I then kick, my foot slamming into his face, he goes skidding backwards.

More fists flailed. My mouth trickled blood, my breathing was hard I wipe the blood away with the back of my hand. Then he tackled me. His fist pulled back ready to strike. My face unrevealed. "WHO ARE YOU?!" He yells, and I look up, the sun pouring down onto my face, warming it.
Ace's eyes went wide, "Nyx?!"
I nod. Not being a person of many words.
"YOU LET ME HIT YOU!!!" He yelled his eyes going to nothing but white as he springs off of me, "WHY DID YOU LET ME HIT YOU? WHY DID YOU FIGHT BACK?!" He shoots questions at me.
I shrug. "Proved something, I guess." 
"WHAT?!" he yelled, veins popping, eyes still huge.
"That anything you can do, I can do as well, if not better. No matter if I'm a girl, boy, human or not"
"Who said you weren't human?!" He yells, grabbing his hair, "WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE A GUY AND WHY DID YOU FIGHT ME?!"

I sigh, standing, not caring about my now dirty clothes. "I needed self-information. And that was a small test, you provided data. I appreciate that." I fix my cap so the it shaded my face once again. "I'll learn, Ace, just wait. One day, I can do more than assure you." I look at him, my piercing blue eyes into his dark ones, "One day I will kick your ass."