I'm Not Sorry: A Justin Bieber Fan Fiction

Fifteen

 

♥ g e e z ♥

✌

"What?" I asked, trying to get those three words absorbed into my brain. This couldn't be happening. All in the same day. Like we kissed, told our parents we were dating and then this. It's too much for me to handle. I just. . . "You l-love me?"

"Yeah."

"But. . . How? How do you do it so soon? I―I thought we hated each other?" I've never believed in love at first sight; I've always thought that it would just suddenly come brewing in whenever it felt like it. I know I felt like I was in love at the moment, but did I dare to admit that?

No.

Why?

I don't fucking know.

"I started liking you two years ago, Justine, as wrong as it sounds," Justin dropped his arms back to his sides and heaved a quiet sigh, as I spun around to face him; my mind trying to register what he just said.

He started liking me two years ago, when all I did feel for him back then was hatred. How?

"But we were always fighting! You were always annoying me. . . How could you fall in love with me?" I still didn't get it, and to me it feels just like I never would, and I don't know why. I didn't even understand how love worked, how would I get this whole situation?

"I annoyed you only because I wanted to get closer to you, don't you get it? All those times when I would annoy you but sometimes change my ways and be nice to you―can't you fix the puzzle pieces together? I was already in love with you last year, Justine. But you were just thirteen, and I was sixteen, and I had a girlfriend."

"But you can't possibly fall in love with someone so quick, Justin," I ran my fingers through my hair, grumbling at the fact that I was trying to make myself sound like I was the one who was right, when really―I was thinking about how much sense Justin's words had all made.

"I can't believe. . ." I paused, shaking my head not being able to look up into his brown eyes in fear that they might distract me away from speaking my thoughts. "I just. . . The way you flirt with girls, I can't. . . Justin―I've never had a boyfriend before and I'm not sure if I can give you my heart even if you're nice and sweet, and romantic."

"So you're indirectly naming me as one of those players," he sent a chilly smile my way, letting air out of his nose incredulously, making my eyes snap up to meet his at once. "I see. After all these years, I thought you would know how I am, but looks like I'm wrong, hm?"

"Justin," I reached out for his hand, "you know I didn't mean it this way. I. . ." I just couldn't say I love you too at this moment, but just please forgive me. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

He placed his left hand on the doorknob, and twisted it open, turning to look at me once. "Too late, because you just did. And you know what?" He grounded his teeth together tightly. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I am a player. Maybe fucking is all I'm good at. Maybe, just maybe. . . I'm going to find a girl for me to have a good fuck since I'm a player and you won't give me what I want."

Facing his back towards me, he stomped out without another word, and I was left behind, shocked at what he just said. I know he didn't mean them but, when he said it this way. . . It hurt me more than the first time I actually got rejected by my first crush at pre-school.

We've just finally gotten along, and look at what the fuck I just did to ruin everything we had. Could anyone have gotten anymore dumber than I am? I'm the lowest, most pathetic bitch there is, and God, sometimes I can't even stand myself.

Because of my mentality, because of my personality. . . Nothing ever goes right in my life.

I hate everything, I really do.

Getting out of my room, I looked both directions to see if he was anywhere near but I was the only one here. He wasn't anywhere, I couldn't even smell his scent near me. My instincts pulled me towards the stairwell and I quickly sprinted down the stairs by two steps each time, and got to the kitchen.

"Mom, where's Justin?" I asked in a rush, trying not to make it look like there's something wrong. But my hands were shaking so badly behind my back that I'm sure even my lips were quivering, and my eyes were beginning to sting from incoming tears.

This can't be happening right now.

"Wasn't he up there with you moments ago?" Pattie asked as she raised an eyebrow, staring at me as though trying to find a clue about what just happened but I kept my face emotionless so she wouldn't find out.

"But he went to some―"

"He walked past me hurriedly when I was setting the table, and heard him tell me he left for the beach, I suppose. I couldn't hear him clearly," mom simply answered, not knowing just how much she had helped me.

Quickly running out of the house, having Jenny and Jonah yelling after me, I chose to ignore them because I was in a hurry to find Justin. I felt like an asshole, a crappy sister, a dumbass, a stupid ignorant bitch for doing that, but right now, it's about apologizing, and speaking the truth.

The guilt inside of me was eating me alive and I'm just about five minutes to having a severe breakdown if I still can't find Justin anywhere. I don't care if I'm Justine Kaye and I don't care if I'm in public.

I like Justin, and if he leaves me, don't ever expect me to talk to anyone ever again.

Running to the nearby beach, I thanked the Lord it was only two minutes away and as I scurried over; my eyes searching the whole place, I hugged myself as it was beginning to feel cold out here considering it's almost night, and the sun was nearly done setting.

I really wanted his hug because they never once failed to warm me up whenever I felt chilly.

Drawing in a deep fresh breath, I tried to contain my tears as I carried on looking around frantically to see if Justin was anywhere.

Nothing.

As my eyes spotted a figure sitting by the sand all alone, at first I thought it was Justin―but as they pulled their long hair up into a ponytail, I knew at once and for sure that it was a girl, so it couldn't have been him.

"Fuck!" I screamed, running over to kick the trunk of the nearest tree. "I hate everything!" And I really did, it wasn't a lie.

Deciding to lean against the tree, I knew Justin wasn't going to be here so I thought it would be best to give up and give him some time alone. I knew I hurt him, but I swear it wasn't my intention. Why the hell would I even hurt the guy I love?

Love.

Oh, God, I love Justin.

Are you fucking stupid or what? Obviously you love Justin, ugh. What am I going to do with you? I really am lost at what to do, my inner voice interrupted, making me sulk harder as if I wasn't already upset at myself enough.

Rubbing my arms for more warmth, I admired the sun as it reached the lowest point of its setting. But I couldn't get Justin off my mind, and how much I wished he was here with me, too. What's going on with me?

Why couldn't I have just said a simple 'I love you too', damn it! Was it so difficult? No.

"Baby, get home. It's cold," a voice behind me, making me turn my head only to find a couple, hand in hand as they walked across the pavement; laughing at whoever cracked a joke. They looked about middle-aged and they were really cute.

I couldn't help smiling at that.

"And what about you?" A familiar voice questioned from the other side, making me crane my head to look at him; the desperateness exploding within me. "What the hell are you even doing out here in the damn cold?"

Justin!