I don't want to feel

Chapter 11

It was almost 8pm when I got to Josh’s place.

I could hear loud music coming from inside as I stood at the front door, and I got worried.

After hovering in the rain for several minutes, I finally rang the bell. Adam opened the door.

His face took on a concerned look when he saw it was me. He studied me for a few seconds.

“Sam, are you ok? We tried to phone you this afternoon…”

The music was really loud and I could see many people behind him. Some were dancing, others were drinking and talking loudly while a few couples were… Eww

“What’s happening?” I started panicking. “You said it would be only a few of us, films, games, something low key?”

“I know Sam. Listen, it’s all my fault. I invited Cheyenne thinking she wouldn’t come, you know… And well, when she said yes, I felt stupid so I asked Josh if I could invite a few extra people. I don’t know how but the word got out that he was having a party so everybody turned up…”

He sighed sadly.

“From then on, everything went downhill. Chelsea Gibbon, Cheyenne’s best friend told me that Cheyenne had finally decided not to come but to go out on a date with that boy she likes instead, so yeah, I’m fucking gutted… Oh, and Josh and Danny broke up last night and are each with a different partner tonight, and everybody is pretty wasted already so I’m not drinking in order to make sure the house doesn’t get trashed or something…” He was quiet for a while, then sighed loudly.

“Well, I’ve fucked up big time… for nothing…” 

It looked as if he was on the verge of breaking down so without thinking, I put my hand on his arm in an attempt to ease his pain.

His eyes widened slightly in surprise but he left it there.

“What happened between Josh and Danny?” I asked with a small voice.

“Well, it’s also my fault. Come inside, it’s freezing cold out there.”

He grabbed my elbow, led me into the hall and closed the front door. He then took my overnight bag from me, put his hand in the small of my back and led me upstairs to a guest bedroom – the one he had been assigned, I supposed.

He closed the door, locked it, put my bag on the floor and gestured for me to hand him my raincoat, which I did.

He sat down on a chair so I sat on the bed in front of him.

He was so fidgety that I was starting to get really nervous.

After a while, he sighed sadly and explained what had happened the day before.

“We were playing air hockey at the Peer after footie practice yesterday and I mentioned you and Kane’s strange relationship. I said something like ‘Maybe we should do something to help them, what do you think?’ and Danny just lost it!”

He paused and looked at me questioningly, unsure as to whether it was ok for him to continue or not. I couldn’t speak but managed a small nod.

“She was very angry, so Josh asked her why the hell she was reacting that way and she yelled at him that all we ever talked about was you, Sam, that we always worried about you… She started crying and admitted to being jealous of all the attention you always got from everybody, and said that she felt she had always been second best, and that she couldn’t stand it anymore. She finally asked Josh why he hadn’t asked you out instead of her. Josh, who’s got it bad for her by the way…”