I don't want to feel

Chapter 21

[A/N- Just to warn you, this chaper is pretty violent...

It is dedicated it to JesseMac7. Thanks again for your feedback!]

“Chris, why does daddy hate me?”

“I don’t know, Sam.” He whispered back.

We were hidden in my bedroom’s closet. It was dark but Chris was holding my hand so I wasn’t scared.

“I heard him tell Mum that they should have got rid of me when I was born. She got really angry and started shouting and throwing things at him.” I said.

“She does that a lot. The throwing things at Dad, I mean.” Chris interrupted me. “Yesterday, when she saw him come out of your room, she threw a glass and the bottle she had been drinking at him. He jumped at her and started shaking her angrily, yelling “Don’t you see what she’s done to us? We were happy before her!” She slapped him so hard, then, it must have stung, and with the scariest voice she said, “Don’t you dare accusing her! You’re sick, Alexandre, you need help!” She then walked out of the flat. She was so angry.”

“They were talking about me…” I felt sad.

“I know…” He squeezed my hand tighter.

After a while, I asked him.

“So, how is the new videogame, Daddy got you?”

“It’s wicked!” He answered excitedly. “Plus, he said I’d get a new pair of trainers this weekend, I can’t wait!”

“Hmm, I bet. Will you show them to me if you get them before I go?”

“Oh! That’s right! You’re going to your summer camp in Biarritz, aren’t you? When does it start?”

“I’m not sure…”

“I’m going to miss you Sam!” He squeezed my hand again.

“Me too…”

My bedroom door opened at that moment and we both jumped. We recognized our father’s heavy footsteps straight away. I shrank down knowing what was about to happen. Chris slid his arm around my waist and hugged me tightly. He whispered “Sing the Elephant song. I do that when I want to escape from a bad situation.”

The closet door was suddenly opened.

“Chris, go and play in your room.” Our father demanded.

When Chris didn’t move he raised his voice.

“CHRIS, GO AND PLAY IN YOUR ROOM!”

Chris started trembling. His hold on me loosened. He seemed to be pondering over what the right thing to do was. After a few seconds, he stood up and left without another glance at me.

“I’ll take you for a chocolate waffle this afternoon, Chris” My father told him.

“Oh, ok. Cool.” Chris mumbled in response before closing my bedroom door behind him.

“Now, make yourself useful, you little shit! Come out of this closet and undress for Daddy. Your mum won’t do it anymore, because of you!” He had spat out that last bit.

When I didn’t bulge, he grabbed me by the throat, and in a swift gesture, he got me out of the closet and pinned me against the wall with my face right in front of his. I could barely breathe as his hand kept pushing against my throat, but what really hurt the most, was the deep hatred I saw in his eyes. I started sobbing silently.