I don't want to feel

Chapter 16

Come on! You wanted to talk so, talk!? Grrr…

Ten green bottles are standing on a wall, but if one green bottle shall accidentally fall, there would be nine green bottles, standing on the wall. Nine green bottles…

Grrr… Just talk for Pete’s sake! I can’t stand this!

We had been walking on the seafront for the past five minutes, and while Kane didn’t seem to mind the silence, I, on the contrary, just wanted to get this conversation over and done with. Exasperated, I decided to lead the way.

“So, how is your mother?”

“She’s still at St Mary’s. She’s coming home tomorrow, though. They didn’t want to check her out before, because she was too weak to take care of herself, and with me being under eighteen, they deemed it unsafe for her to come home under my watch.”

I couldn’t hear the excitement you would expect from anybody who learns his mum is going to be back from the hospital the day after, so I threw a glance at him and caught a glimpse of… well, it looked like fear!?

He must have felt I was watching him, because the next thing I knew, it had been replaced by a blank expression.

He turned to look at me straight in the eyes and what I read in his, made the blood freeze in my veins. No words were spoken but the message was crystal clear, “Drop the subject!”

If it was unnerving before, the silence that settled upon us after that was just unbearable.

Way to go, Sam! What a great conversationalist you make!

~~~

When we got to the bungalow, I was so stressed that it took me forever to unlock the door. I went in first, unsure of what I was meant to do or say.

A drink! Offer him a drink!

“Hmm, would you like something to drink? A can of coke? Water?” I asked with a small voice while making my way to the kitchen where I opened the fridge.

“No, thanks.”

I took a can of Diet Coke, grabbed a glass, and poured the soda in it. I pulled a chair and sat down hoping Kane would follow the lead.

When he didn’t, I found myself looking for a way to appear cool and composed.

That’s why, I reached for my glass and gulped a huge mouthful of coke, savoring the numbing effect of the cold bubbles in my throat.

Kane was still standing up in front of me. He seemed to be fighting his own inner battle too, as he kept clenching and unclenching his fists.

“So, Sam…” He coughed nervously as if to muster the courage to carry on. “There’s no easy way to say everything that I want to say to you… I’m not even sure I’m going to be able to say it all but I’m just going to ask you one thing. Let me speak, don’t interrupt me, please. I’m not good with words as you well know, so bear with me, please.”

He was rambling now, and it was so out of character for him, that I couldn’t help but be scared of what I was about to be told.

“Ok… The easy part, first. I don’t know whether Adam told you or not, but I didn’t sleep with Kelly last night.” He paused and looked at me. He seemed to be waiting for me to say something.

“Didn’t you ask me not to interrupt you?” I told him uncertainly.

“Well yes, but I didn’t mean about that part…” He sounded like a child.

“Well, your instructions didn’t come with footnotes so I didn’t know, obviously.” I replied with a clipped tone. “Besides, I’m not sure of what you’re expecting me to say about your big revelation?! You did grind yourself against her, kiss her and undress her, right in my face… So it actually seems a shame that you didn’t do her after all that trouble, if you really want my opinion!”