His Princess

21 Lost Love

Clarke suddenly pulled away, abruptly jumped from Bellamy's hold and hit him in the chest.

He looked down at her with a face full of mixed emotions.

"You idiot!" She cried, hitting him again even though it seemed to be having no effect! "I thought you were DEAD!"

Bellamy tried to speak but Clarke wasn't letting him get a word out. "How could you just leave without telling me! Did I not cross your mind at all? You don't always have to be the hero...I might never have seen you again" Clarke continued, her voice weakening as she spoke.

"Do I mean nothing to you at all? I clearly dont if you wanted to go gallivanting through the forest at the first sign of danger! Not caring how it might effect me if you never came back? Because I may not mean anything to you but you sure as hell mean a lot to me!" Clarke cried, tears now falling steadily falling down her cheeks.

She couldn't handle it anymore and when Bellamy said her name she just pushed him away and walked back to her tent, not able to face him or anyone else.

She sat on the floor and curled in on herself. What had she been thinking? She didn't deserve him!

Clarke had managed to get it in her head that Bellamy didn't care about her and now that she had, she couldn't get it out.

Why would he like me? I am an unstable murderer! Clarke spat at herself! She felt ridiculous for ever letting herself believe he could care for her in the way she cared for him.

It also now came to Clarke's attention that she loved Bellamy! She cried even harder as she let it sink in. She did love him. But he couldn't possibly feel the same.

She wasn't good enough and she had to deal with it...but she couldn't!

She thought back to these past days...how she had felt without him there.

She'd missed him running up behind her and randomly taking her off to somewhere secret, the way he'd smile at her accross camp, she missed him being there to stop the nightmares.

They had been mad in the time he was gone! And her worry for his safety had corrupted them, making them not just about mount Weather but about him as well.

She had seen him die so many times in her mind and now that Bellamy was back she realised just how bad she is for him! How can she expect him to deal with her in this state? She can't!

Clarke sat in the tent by herself for a long time and she was glad Bellamy hadn't followed her...but at the same time she felt it was just further confirmation that he didn't care!

Finally her loneliness was interrupted when someone came into her tent. Raven.

"Hey...Bellamy told me what happened...are you okay?" She asked, noticing the tears pouring down Clarke's face as she looked up.

Raven looked Clarke up and down quickly "when was the last time you ate something Clarke?" She asked to Clarke's surprise.

Raven was right to notice something, Clarke hadn't been eating well since they returned from Mount Weather and she'd practically not been eating anything whilst Bellamy was gone...

Clarke shrugged...she wasn't entirely sure when she ate last but right now she didn't care! Why did she deserve to eat the food they were rationing for winter over anyone else...she didn't.

"Clarke...talk to me" Raven said, coming to sit beside her but Clarke didn't want to pull Raven in to her web of misery. She had just started dating Wick and had enough to focus on with that, it being Raven's first relationship since Finn...

Clarke shook her head and refused to speak until Raven finally gave up and left, squeezing Clarke's shaking shoulder.

'You arent alone Clarke! If you ever need me I'm here..."

And then she was gone. Clarke was alone. Alone with her thoughts. Alone to cry. Just alone.

Clarke closed her eyes, only to see Bellamy! His deep brown eyes, reflecting the stars where they lay side by side on the ledge. She remembered their hands slipping together and in that moment she had been able to forget everything.

But she refused to pull anyone down with her...how could anyone help her or save her from well...herself?

AT: So will Bellamy tell Clarke she isn't worthless or will he say he doesn't care that much about her? Xxx

Love you all and comments are immensely appreciated! Xxxxx