Seduced ➢ Kylo Ren

five; perspective shift

super quick author's note:

Hope you're enjoying the story so far!!!

It would mean the world to me if you could check out my original story: The Midnight Dilemma - undercover agent, bad boy gang leader, cartel adventures, secrets, tension, enemies to lovers, etc. It's a WIP and I'd love any feedback you might have. Thank you sososoososooo much 🥺

Alone in his chambers, Kylo sits on his bed, his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. He tries to calm himself down, taking deep breaths that make his ribcage rattle with each one. A million and one thoughts rush through his mind, too loud and too powerful to be focused on. With a loud exhale, he lets himself fall back onto his bed. He gets an overwhelming urge to scream, knowing he'd claw his brain out of his skull without much hesitation if it meant being free of this angst. He places his palms flat against his suddenly burning-hot face, the still-noticeable scar that runs from his forehead to his jaw throbbing painfully. 

The scar from his uncle's lightsaber. 

A hot tear slides down his cheek, and he furiously wipes it away, ashamed of himself. He knows he won't actually get some rest before he grabs his lightsaber and lay waste to something. Anything. It's his way of venting- the only way he knows. He gets up, grabs his ragged lightsaber.

But the second he grabs the metallic hilt of the unstable, ragged lightsaber, one thing instantly flashes before his eyes. Your face. Your face and the fear that was registered on it when he had, during training the day before, reached for his lightsaber in front of you, making you think he was going to use it on you. He instantly lets go of the lightsaber, and it lands with two loud clanks! on the metal floor. He stares at it in disbelief, and sits back down, his head pounding louder than ever.

Since when does he care whom he frightens? Isn't that the whole point why he started wearing his helmet? Why he no longer tried to control his rage? To intimidate, to scare, to instil fear into the minds of others? Isn't that why people started respecting him, and taking his orders?

But.. The look on your face. Why you, specifically? Nonetheless, it was not one he wanted to see again. He vows to keep his anger under control around you. But he knows his rage is not so easily controlled. His temper is short, and he is easily angered. Even the smallest things could send him over the edge. He cared not about other people.

As he stares at his lightsaber, deep in thought, Kylo realises he knew all along, somehow, that you are not like the others. His thoughts shift to what you told him earlier; that you think he's an excellent teacher. It makes him smile again, in the darkness of the room. He can't believe someone actually appreciated something he had done.

He thinks about the inexplicable force he feels when he's around you. It is something Kylo has never experienced before, and it scares him to no end. He doesn't like not knowing; doesn't like being in the dark about things - especially his own feelings. It's bad enough he's feeling torn apart by the equally appealing sides of Light and Dark.

And that's another thing that scares him. He isn't sure which side is strongest with you. He can't sense much darkness inside of you. But there is loyalty, and he knows it will have to do for now. 

Kylo takes his shirt off, wincing as he accidentally touches the still fresh and highly painful scar on his side from Chewbacca's bow-caster. The pain that ripples through his body is enough to erase all of the conflicting thoughts, leaving him to focus on solely one thing: the pain. But as he finally places his heavy head on his pillow, something else comes up in his mind that helps him forget about the pain radiating from his side. The fact he's seeing you again tomorrow. Training you. Being in the presence of someone who he feels comfortable with. Someone he might actually one day come to call 'friend'.

But feeling comfortable with someone means weakness, in his mind. The walls that he had built were not coming down any time soon, he was going to make sure of it.

There was no need for friendships. Not in Kylo's head. Not thanks to his past.

Lost in thought, Kylo fell asleep much sooner than he had anticipated. He sleeps for a few more hours than he normally does, but the nightmares are inevitable. This time it's his father's face again, the look of total and utter hurt as Kylo's lightsaber enters his torso. The way he had lovingly placed his hand on Kylo's face seconds before plummeting off the bridge.

Kylo wakes up breathless, his heart pounding furiously, his hair clinging to the sweat on his neck. "Forgive me," he whispers into the darkness, letting the tears flow freely this time.

/

You stand shivering against the door to your room. You were certain you had heard someone screaming in pain, but unsure as to whether they had come to you in a dream or not. You had a feeling being Force-sensitive also means having somewhat of a sixth-sense, and having a sixth-sense could bring about with it premonitions. You wish you could just ask Kylo. He has probably known he was Force-sensitive ever since he could form coherent thoughts. Were his parents Force-users too? 

Ah, his parents. His father.

Resting your back against the door, you slide down, hugging your knees as you sit down on the floor. All you want is a friend. And Kylo is the only human being aboard this ship- perhaps even in this entire star system - that you feel could truly understand you. He's your age ("ish, the weirdo won't even tell me how old he is") and he's here on this starship, undergoing training himself. He's supposed to guide you, help you, offer you advice. He must have one day felt whatever it is you're feeling now.

But no, all he cares about is staying in his position of authority, operating freely amongst the military command. If Snoke wasn't using him to get rid of the last Jedi, he wouldn't even be tolerated here, not with his attitude, his childish temper tantrums.

And that's when it hits you. 

Snoke is just using Kylo for his strength. The revelation hits you in the gut as you think about whatever ploys Snoke had in store for Kylo. Slightly shaking, you stand up, your eyes wide as you realise Kylo would never believe Snoke would hurt him. He's too proud to think that. You let out a small gasp as you come to the conclusion that Kylo didn't kill his father out of his own free will. It must have been Snoke who urged him to do so, maybe telling him that it was the only way he could prove himself.

It bothers you that it has taken you this long to figure out. But how could you have know, when Kylo was, to you and many others, the perfect villain?

Fuck it, I don't care if he's sleeping, you think to yourself as you rush out the door and walk over to Kylo's room. You extend your arm to knock on the metal door, but hesitate, your arm suspended in mid-air. You press your ear against the metal door and hear very quiet sobbing. You go to knock again, but this time your hand hits an invisible wall, and you feel yourself being pushed back, almost by a gush of wind, your back hitting the black wall in front of Kylo's room. 

"Leave." It's quiet, his voice, but you're sure it's his. He must have sensed you were here. You scurry to the door, relentless, and try to knock again. 

"Kylo, I'm here if you need-" 

He opens the door this time, but he's standing there, noticeably shaking, his helmet covering his face and his hood over it. In his arm, his lightsaber, the red plasma blades whirring menacingly. He points it at you, making you step back, and brings it dangerously close to your chin. 

"I said, leave." 

You rush back to your room, and hear him descending the steps. You remain on the floor beside your door, stay up for as late as you can, but by the time he comes back, breathless and even more agitated, you're fast asleep. 

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(A/N: also let's just pretend kylo has a lamp because he doesn't like sleeping in the dark and a heater to keep his cinnamon roll of a body warm at night because let's face it the first order's star destroyer is cold AF)