Seduced ➢ Kylo Ren

thirty-five; explanations

You have no idea of how much time has actually passed.

It could be that only a couple of minutes have elapsed since Kylo told you you had mentioned your mother's name in your sleep. It could be an hour. It could be two hours.

Lillian. 

How did that name resurface? Where did it come from? What had pulled it from the depths of your subconscious? After all this time of trying to remember her name, trying to assign a face to the long-lost memory of a mother, trying to remember the colour of her eyes or the sound of her laughter, or the last time your eyes met hers.. After all the pain that you felt constantly engulfing you every day that you have been on this starship, training for the First Order.. After it all, finally, there was a shimmer of hope. 

You're so lost in your own little world- trying to picture your mother's face, your mind desperately trying to come up with a way on how to find out if she's alive- that you don't feel Kylo's eyes on your face, hungrily taking in every detail as if this was the first time he's seen your features. 

You don't hear his heart speed up as he reluctantly lets himself fill up with a new burst of hope at the thought of seeing you reunite with your mother- a part of your family, a very important part. Maybe this reunion would start pulling you back into the Light side. 

He scratches the back of his neck as he watches your eyes dart across the room- he knows you're in deep thought, listing all the possible places where your mother could be located. A pang of guilt starts to be felt in his stomach; part of him knows that even though the whole idea of taking away young children from their families to train them as Stormtroopers was Supreme Leader Snoke's- he had been a child himself and wasn't even part of the First Order when the Child Taking Act had started- he had never put a stop to it. 

He had never cared where the Stormtroopers were coming from, as long as there was an army to back him up on his quest to destroy the last remaining Jedi.

He had never really thought of Stormtroopers as being human. They were deadly fighting machines; machines without a brain, incapable of doing much else except taking orders.

That is, of course, until he met you.

He had sensed the arrival of your presence as soon as you were dragged onto the Finalizer. Thirteen years old- screaming, shouting bloody murder as the Stormtroopers carried you on board, along with twenty or so other teenagers. He had been sixteen then, had just began to feel the call to the Darkness. Had just been exposed to the rage and hatred. 

Your presence had been so powerful. He was surprised Snoke hadn't felt it too as soon as he had. But it conflicted with his- Kylo's- it was pure, innocent. 

It was good.

He had never bothered to find you. He figured someone else would eventually sense you didn't have it inside of you to carry out the dishonourable acts of the First Order and have you killed. He hadn't cared. He had a lot of training to do, after all.

But after the whole incident with the girl- the scavenger- after coming so close to ending her- something which he now regrets deeply; after learning that his uncle is still out there somewhere, still fighting for what's good.

After all this, he knew he needed someone to convert him. Killing his father- an act so often on his mind, an act that never failed to make him feel as if someone has just punched him in the chest and left him devoid of all oxygen- was supposed to turn him into a ruthless murderer, one incapable of feeling any remorse, regret, or quite frankly, any emotion other than hate. But it hadn't.