Seduced ➢ Kylo Ren

thirty-nine; honesty

Kylo's POV

I had my own reasons for keeping such a vital piece of information from her.

I'm trying to explain, but she's not responding to anything I'm saying.

She won't even look at me.

Her mind is as numb as her body.

It's all my fault.

I hate myself.

Seriously, I didn't think I could hate myself more than I already did.

I was wrong.

About so many things. So many things.

/

"I don't want to do this anymore."

Kylo looks up from inspecting the lateral vents of his lightsaber as soon as he hears your croaky voice, his thumb brushing against the bottom of the hilt. His lightsaber is lit, the cherry-red light making little whirring and breathing sounds, almost as if it were alive. 

"Do what?" He asks this casually, as he swings his lightsaber coolly, almost as if this is a completely safe thing to do inside of spaceship.

"This. The Force. I can't- I don't- I don't know if what I feel is ever what I'm- me, Luna, or whatever my name was before you took me away from my family-"

"I never took you away from anyone," he interjects, setting the lightsaber down, his jaw clenched. 

"Please. Don't act like you're not guilty. You never put a stop to the Child Taking Act. Children are still being taken from their families to train as Stormtroopers- to have their minds wiped and to be brainwashed into doing one thing. Killing."

"Snoke took me away from my family-"

"No, he didn't-"

"Yes, he did." Kylo stands up, his heart beating furiously in his chest. He keeps reminding himself to keep his emotions under control. It's not her fault, it's not her fault, it's not her fault.

For years, Snoke always punished him for trying to control his short temper.

'Through passion, you shall gain strength. Through strength, you shall gain power. Through power, you shall gain victory, Master of the Knights of Ren. That is what you want, isn't it? You need to use that rage to your advantage; use it to fuel your passion. It's what your grand-father did. You're more powerful than he was. You're my secret weapon, Ren.'

But now, now he keeps trying to think that he knows better. He's had enough of the Force as well, all it does is remind him of the endless he committed under Snoke's command.

It feels like a curse.

"He took the respect he knew I had for Anakin and he twisted it, he manipulated that respect, he turned something as pure as child-like admiration into something dark and corrupted. He turned me against my entire family. He fed me negative energy up until I drove that lightsaber into my father's chest."

He casts a look of uneasiness at the un-ignited lightsaber sitting menacingly at his feet, almost as if he's scared it will ignite itself out of its own accord.

He turns his gaze back towards you; you're sitting with your back against the metal wall of the starship, your knees hugged into your chest. Your eyes are blank, focusing on nothing in particular, and your lips are parted, heavy breaths escaping and entering your body.